Pepper Mill just did.
Nope.
We’d both agreed that our old plates had had it, so I’m not surprised.
This plate problem is indicative of other problems, but it isn’t the end of the world. Here’s what I’d do:
Use the new white plates as “chargers” or accents for the set that you will pick out after you are financially able.
If you feel that being a stay-at-home mom is going to make him respect you less, it’s only going to get worse. Get a part-time job so he can spend quality time with the baby a couple nights a week, you can contribute to the household, and you get a break from the baby. I did this and it worked out well.
He may have meant well, but I smell an overbearing husband here. They’re the worst kind. Be afraid…be very afraid.
Hmmm. Makes me wonder what you would have said if he had brought home a plain but functional infant seat instead of dishes without consulting you.
While the dish purchase may the the last thing in a long string of things that your husband did to irk you, don’t add it to that list unless it really belongs there. As others have said, buying the household something that it needs and you wanted (AND saving money in the process) is not exactly a burning-in-Hell offense.
You two need to talk. A lot.
This just happened to me too. My husband bought new plates, bowls, coffee mugs, cream and sugar set, and big plate/bowl thing for us. He wrapped them up and gave them to me as part of my Christmas presents. I loved it. To me, it was very thoughtful.
I’m worried about the “long list of things,” but not about the plates. Although it may not be exactly what you wanted, I really hope you can look at his good intentions here, and love him for his good intentions even if you need to return the dishes to the store and pick out others.
A big part of marriage, like friendship, is assuming the best about the other person. You could assume he doesn’t respect you – or you could assume he’s trying to do something sweet for you. Why not the latter?
If there are other problems, address those. But making a big deal out of the plates is likely to mean he just won’t try to do sweet things for you as often. Nobody likes doing something sweet and having it blow up in their face.
Daniel
Hell, I’d be upset if my wife wanted me to come along while she went plate shopping. 
And if it were a spur-of-the-moment thing while we were out shopping, I’d politely excuse myself to the electronics section to look at the things that go beep. Let me know when either A) you’ve chosen our new plates, or B) you’ve narrowed it down to two choices I get to pick from (one of which you’ve already decided is the set we’re getting, the other something you know I wouldn’t pick, put in the mix simply to make me feel like I had some small part in the decision-making process).
Actually, I can even take this a step further: We’re house hunting. Wife (who is peripherally involved in real estate) sees a house come on the market yesterday. Wife goes and sees house, decides it would be perfect for us, brings home a contract. I sign contract. Please make sure it’s in our price range, has a living room big enough for the TV, and that it has a basement. Anything else, I have no problem fully deferring to my wife.
I know OP was actually about setting financial priorities, but this is the answer that jumped into mind when reading the title.
If my wife went out and bought new plates, it would be a Day of Note if I noticed them within six months. Even if I had the inclination, I wouldn’t dream of buying new plates on my own. It’s one of those unwritten rule things.
Here is the way it would go in my home. Wife decides that we need new plates. I think that our current plates are perfectly functional and don’t understand. I know after ten years of marriage that I don’t need to understand. I could ask for the reasons but it would only be academic. The only reason I need is that the wife wants new plates.
She takes me to the store to “help” her pick them out. At the store I go into my Zen state, only maintaining enough consiousness to reasonably reply to the occasional comment. Once she’s narrowed it down to two or three choices, she’ll ask me my opinion. I will randomly choose one. She may or may not make her final decision based on my random choice. She’s caught on to the random choice thing lately so I sometimes have to come up with an actual reason why I made my choice but I’ve been married for long enough that I can think on my feet pretty quickly.
Haj
Well to answer the title question, no. I think it’s ridiculous to get upset over something so trivial, especially if the plates we already had weren’t functional enough (not microwave safe, for example).
Now maybe if there were things more important to spend money on (like in your case car payments, rent, baby necessities) I wouldn’t be thrilled about the trivial plate buying, but if they were on sale they can’t have been THAT expensive.
Obviously there are deeper problems in your relationship, and there may be a long list of things getting to you, but seeing as how this is the only one you’ve decided to mention I say again… it’s ridiculous to get so upset over some plates.
I’m afraid I’m going to be quite blunt and rude: stop whining and get a grip, girl! He’s spotted an opportunity, remembered your discussions, and struck. You’re obsessing over nothing.
Me, yes I’d be annoyed. Picking new plates is a pleasure - I love shopping for my home and will happily stand in the plate area at the bed bath & beyond debating patterns with myself for 20 minutes before deciding.
I’d also be ticked off by the money issues, and agree that needing a carseat is important. All this notwithstanding, you probably are hormonal, and it does sound like there are deeper issues, but being upset over the plates sounds like a normal reaction to me.
Twiddle
I agree that feeling like the family dog is probably an overreaction. I’m not married, but if I were, I probably would buy plates without asking the spouse, because to me it would not seem like a very big decision.
It sounds like you never explicitly said you wanted to pick out the plates. Tell him that from now on you want a say in purchasing things for the house. THEN, if he still doesn’t want to consult you, you’ll have justification for being upset.
if you have any sense at all you will apologize to the poor man and accept the gift in the spirit it was given.
I doubt that he bought those plates with the inent of “pissing you off”.
Whether you think you should have been involved in the purchase or not you definitly owe your spouse a very large apology for your childishness and selfishness.
You’ve already acknowledged that you didn’t feel that you were considered when he was making the decision. This is the problem–it sounds like you’re feeling insignificant, and he probably does not want you to feel that way.
I wouldn’t rush to blame it on your hormones. Ignoring how you feel is not going to make it go away.
As to the question, yes, I would temporarily be upset if not included in the dishes decision. Not that I care all that much what it is, but I would feel (as you do) excluded. Once I calmed down, thought, I’m sure I would see his side.
I’m sure that he wanted to do a good thing and had really good intentions. Maybe it’s just a matter of understanding each other. For example, I would not buy even a serving dish without including my husband in the decision, because I know he enjoys shopping for that kind of stuff. I’m sure each couple’s dynamics are different. Maybe you can let this one go and let him know you appreciate his intentions, but you expect to be included in decisions that affect both of you. That’s your preference and he should respect that once he knows.
They’re plates. You said yourself that you would pick the same ones. This thread makes me shake my head.
He did nothing wrong. You owe him a big apology and should probably think before you pull some crap like that again.
I read this thread to Mrs. Rick.
We agree that the hormones are talking here. We also agree that hajario is a very perceptive man.
Finally two words of advise from Mrs. Rick
First pick your battles, white plates shouldn’t be one of them. Secondly white plates can be dressed up, or dressed down as the need arises.
-Rick who has some white plates in the cupboard
I think it’s mostly the hormones talking here, though the OP’s husband might indeed not be consulting her enough on decisions that should be made jointly. I don’t think the real issue here is PLATES, I think the real issue is FINANCIAL GOALS, and distributing resources. A car seat for an impending baby does take precedence over new plates, even if the plates were on sale.
My husband will do this same thing occasionally. He bought new silverware, the sort with the plastic handles. I gave him hell for that one, because I can’t stand them. He bought a set of 40 glasses, (20 4 ounce and 20 8 ounce), and gave them to me for Christmas in 2002. After probing, he admitted that he hated the assortment of glasses that we had (plastic cups, the sort you get at dollar stores, and glasses from fast food chains and gas stations). He then told me that he saw these glasses on sale for $10 for the set. I said that it was all right, then. I’m not particularly fond of the style, but it’s not ugly, and I won’t be too upset when one breaks. If he’d paid more for them I would have made him take them back.
Men just seem to think differently than women when it comes to housewares, for the most part. And part of marriage is compromise.
But one of these days I’m gonna go out and buy some flatware without consulting my husband.
I have to admit that I’ve seen this term before, but as far as I can figure out, it means “We have so many plates that we like to just set some out on the table and not actually put food on them.” Is that an accurate assessment? Because I can’t figure out what chargers are for. In the restaurant biz, chargers are the plastic/wood plates that are used under a steel or cast iron plate that’s too hot for the table, but I’m not sure if it’s the same thing in home use.
FWIW I’d be annoyed, too, if my guy brought home an everyday kitchen item without consulting me. But then I love to cook and I’m kind of picky about my kitchen stuff, so anyone who has known me for more than 15 minutes would know that, and I’d certainly expect my [hypothetical] husband to know. Gadgets or fun stuff? That’s a different story. But if it’s something we’re going to use every day, I’d want participation.
Of course, I have no idea how picky you are normally, or if he would have any way of knowing. But enough to get really pissed at someone? Probably not. And it does sound like you two have several other elephants in the room.
I would be very upset. I would be like “dude, when did I get married and who the heck are you?” Some chick marreing you without your knowledge usually ruins your day. Trust me I know.