Sorry, I got caught up in myself and did not answer the OP.
No way. I came close once, and it took me years to get myself re-focused on the woman that I truly love.
I’ve had a few opportunities since, and I have not even entertained them. I don’t ever even want to start down that path again.
To put it plainly, yes, I would, if the appropriate set of circumstances came around. However, I have absolutely no freakin clue what those circumstances would be. But I know myself better than to think I am beyond a very common human weakness.
That said, I must admit that my infidelity wouldn’t be triggered by some run-of-the-mill situation (like some flousy at a bar wants me). No, we’re talking about some kind of monumental, life-changing stuff.
Hey, I’m being honest: Like it or lump it.
If I were suddenly thrust into Hollywood with all those mega babes…hmmm…looking doesn’t count as cheating does it? What does count as cheating? Looking but not touching? Thinking but not doing? What if you’re thinking about it - a lot? Is that cheating? Just asking.
Not a chance.
Aside from my concern for my personal safety, which would be seriously compromised should Mrs. Stoney ever catch me, I have been married twice before (yeah, I didn’t use to be as good at it as I am now) and have seen the results of cheating from both sides. Aside from the MAJOR turmoil it causes, the little, more subtle effects on the relationship and trust and confidence in what is going on within it are like ever-widening cracks in the whole situation.
So, No Way.
Besides, I doubt I could handle more than I have now !!
No. I would never, ever cheat on Mr. Seawitch.
Now that I sound all moral and everything… when I was younger (much), I had a high-drama relationship. My boyfriend cheated on me. I got back by cheating on him. We cried, we swore, we threw things. We were morons.
Once I grew up a little, I realized that high drama is wonderful on a stage or screen, but sucks as part of your real life. So I quit having those type of relationships, and I quit the “you cheat, I cheat” idiocy.
Hey, I might have learned the hard way, but at least I learned.
I once had a girlfriend sneak around on me.
I am now married (different woman, duh). I would never (1) make my wife feel the way I felt when I was cheated on, (2) violate my deeply serious promise of marital fidelity, (3) lie to myself as necessary to engage in #s 1 and 2, or (4) put the “other woman” in the position of being, well, the “other woman.”
Even if I were absolutely, positively guaranteed that nobody else would ever, ever find out about it.
I appreciate the responses. I enjoy hearing the thoughts of others regarding topics of significant importance. One point I would be interested in hearing someone comment on is the phenomenon of an individual in a high-profile position, such as a celeberty, a high-ranking politician, or a person holding a top office in a business. It is my understanding that many individuals throw themselves at people who possess fame or power. I am curious how people believe they would respond if they were in such a position, and they routinely experienced attractive members of the opposite sex hitting on them. I’d love to hear the response of individuals who have actually been in a position where they received routine unsolicited advances.
I would break up with someone before I would cheat on them, and actually I have, not that that’s anything to be proud of. I’ve been on the other side of the equation before, and it hurts too much for me to subject someone else to it. Plus, if you can’t have honesty, the relationship is already broken IMHO.
I wouldn’t cheat on an SO. But my definition of cheat may not be the same as yours. Would you consider an open relationship to be cheating? A polyamorous relationship?
jayjay
Well it’s hard for me to say, since I’ve never been married. But I’ve been looking for The Right Woman for a long time, and if I did find her, I can hardly imagine doing anything that I knew would break her heart.
What if I married her and she turned out not to be The Right Woman? OK, I might cheat then, but I don’t think I would. I can’t imagine anything worse than being married for all my life to someone I didn’t care about, sneaking my love on the sly as if it were a crime. I’d want out of that marriage so I could pursue other women openly.
The strange thing is this: if I did meet The Right Woman and we got married, and I were happy and everything were going great, and then she told me she was cheating, I can’t imagine ending the relationship there. How could her cheating, by itself, be worse than losing the person I’ve looked for all my life? Maybe it would be different if I caught her cheating, rather than having her tell me; it certainly would undermine my trust in her. But if I really loved her, I’d still try to find some way to avoid losing her.
jayjay, by “cheating”, I was referring to violating a vow of fidelity and trust to a loved-one.
I think the world is full of people who honestly “would never cheat on their spouse,” but a lot of times things just happen.
This is especially dangerous for guys. If you’re with a woman, for example, to meet for a drink after work, it starts getting risky. If she’s interested in you, it’s like leading a lamb to the slaughter.
To my understanding an open relationship is one where both parties agree upfront to sexual activities outside the relationship. I usually think of cheating as having a certain element of lying/deception so maybe there’s a fine distinction there.
I’m not even remotely wired that way but to each his own. But both parties would have to know and agree first.
I never have and would never cheat. Period. Even though the Ex was a philandering asshole. And it wasn’t because I owed him the slightest loyalty. It was a matter of self respect. See, letting him goad me into dismal behavior matching his would have been the ultimate defeat. Being betrayed hurts badly but doesn’t last as long as a painful conscience.
A minor rant here…breaking trust is betrayal: no excuses, glossing or rationalizations. If things are bad, walk away before starting a new relationship. Any complicated circumstances in an existing relationship–including children–an affair will just make more complicated. Anything less cheats, i.e. hurts, everyone involved, including the innocent.
Veb
What an interesting philosophy. Just chuck that whole “personal responsibilty” thing out the window. Of course, you would have to accept that you have such little control over yourself and your own life that things “just happen”. Kinda scary.
**
Of course, you could circumvent that whole problem by being realistic and deciding not to put yourself in situations like that. If you have made promises to someone who is emotionally invested in you that you have absolutely no business meeting alone with another woman in a bar (or any other scenario that would leave you with egg on your face and only the stupid “it just happened” excuse to defend you).
Not that it makes that giant sentence any clearer. Carry on.
Bingo!
BTW, I was not defending that position, merely stating a cold reality.
To answer the thing about being famous and being targeted for people throwing themselves at my feet… I guess my best defense is to avoid the temptation. I wouldn’t let one of those people get alone with me. No groupies in my room, no private meetings with young attractive members of the opposite sex–that kind of thing. I sure as hell wouldn’t go out for a drink after work with a man without anyone else with us.
I have no doubts that temptation could be mighty. I think it’s possible–even for someone who values fidelity and loves their spouse–to get carried away or snowed into thinking the grass is greener. Thus, I think it’s better to just avoid getting in a position where you start wondering about that greener grass. As opposed to, say, sitting in the room with the orgy going on with the rest of the band saying, “Oh, I’ll just watch. No harm in just sitting her drinking a beer…”
If I ever met a woman who could tempt me enough to make me seriously consider it, I could probably just tell my wife and get permission. It would take an exceptionally great opportunity to make me feel justified asking, as my wife has high standards for me - I’m not allowed Christina Aguilera if I ever get a chance, because she’s ‘trashy’ and ‘not good enough for me’, but there are others I’ve got the go-ahead on.
Happily for all involved, the only men I would seriously considering cheating on my husband with are completely out of my league.
Trudie Styler is soooo relieved.
so I cheated on my husband last night…
Long story–but mainly out of sadness. I’ve been feeling half-dead ever since and can’t quite reconcile my actions with the person I thought I was. Not helping is the fact that it was the WORST SEX EVER!
I believe my circumstances would qualify as ‘justifiable’, but reading all these responses has pretty much made me feel like a vicious little whore.
Damn.