Would you cheat on your spouse?

In My Humble Opinion
41

** it would have to be a Penthouse Forum deal **

which is why i probably never will. to be able to get away scot-free is also another trick. not that i am a sneaky person by nature, but if the information got back to wifey it would damage the whole relationship. but if i was in a place and time where it was a perfect situation, i know myself, and i am weak enough and horny enough and still very curious about other women that i’m sure i would do something. i am sure i would regret it, but i don’t thing i have the self-control to turn away.

42

I’m torn on this issue. I’ve never cheated on anyone I’ve dated or on my ex-fiancée when we were together, though I’m pretty sure she was towards the end. I hate that feeling of inadequacy that comes from realizing that whatever it was, you didn’t have it, or enough of it, and your SO went elsewhere to find it. The truth of it, though, is that you can be perfect in all respects and your SO might just cheat anyway. Human nature, emotions and conflictual situations are amazing and powerful animals, personal responsibility be damned. I can tell you that when I am with someone, my ex-F for instance, the thought never crossed my mind. I would see a stunning woman and it would be like looking at something on TV “Oh, she’s pretty. Next…Oh, hey, rugby is on!”

The problem I see is this: I don’t, honestly do not, think that humans were meant to be entirely monogamous. I’m not going to take this to GD and I won’t jump in if someone else does, but I really do believe that it is possible to feel as strongly, “life-bond” strongly, about more than one person. And why not? Why the rigid rule that you can have one and one only? I know that I’ve had and will continue to have close relationships with people that are involved with others. This is more “would I be with them when they cheated?” than “would I cheat?”, but it bears saying. There is one I would like very much to have a relationship with, but I respect her situation too much and when it comes right down to it, I was raised to believe in the sanctity of marriage and, my other thoughts or not, I just can’t bring myself to be “the other guy.” I can’t bear to contribute to the emotional chaos already brewing by furthering any relationship between us, despite the depth of feeling between us. In this case (and I realize I’m getting long winded, but deal, okay), I think we’re mature enough to think through the consequences and see the present for what it is. Realizing, as someone else already said, that the shiny and new, the “honeymoon period” of a relationship, will fade and you might find yourself wondering what all the hype was about…realizing that can make a huge difference to those that have the presence of mind.

Ugh, I’m rambling, but this is something I’ve thought about and seems to be a popular subject on the Board these days. I’m sure I’ll write up something else later that makes more sense, but for now, let me just say I don’t know.

43

THIS is exactly why I’m afraid of marriage, and why I’m so happy being single. I see couples all the time who are married, and who are obviously miserable. If I hear one more time “I love him/her, but it’s just so HARD”, I will scream. Why would I want to get married when everyone keeps telling me how hard it is? Maybe I don’t take marriage seriously enough (or maybe too seriously), but if every day is a struggle for happiness, then I’m gettin’ the hell out of there. Why would you spend your whole life like that?

thinksnow, I agree with what you said, and I can totally understand and respect your dilemma. Been there…

44

That would be me as well. I keep a running tally of the men and women I would cheat on Mr. Bobkitty with. He is well aware and welcome to come up with his own list. So if I run into, say, James Marsters or Anthony Stewart Head or Lisa Nicole Carson in a bar one night, I’m technically single for the next 15 hours or so. :smiley: (and before I get any snide remarks, YES, that’s how long it would take. Trust me.)

I probably would never cheat with an average shmoe. Mr. Kitty does just fine satisfying my physical needs, and I am extremely choosy about who I let satisfy my emotional needs. Sure, there are things that Mr. Kitty doesn’t provide me with. That’s why I have a wonderfully select group of friends, and a drawer full of… ahem toys.

[hijack]
I honestly think that the reason most cheating occurs is because people expect to find The One and Only who will meet all their needs. Know what? That person does not, could not, will not exist. Ever. The best we can do is find someone who meets a higher number of our needs than others, then supplement that person with friends/family/hobbies. JMHO.
[/hijack]

-BK

45

I know Mjollnir already responded, but I think what he was
getting at is true - there’s a pretty long thread going
here, and nobody was saying they’d cheat. Yet people do
cheat. Conclusion: people who think they would never cheat
do.

I want to defend his statement further by saying it’s extra-responsible:
recognizing this reality and facing it is better than denying
it. And not putting yourself in that situation is a great
solution.

I would bring up the Millgram (sp?) experiments here, but
that’s likely to lead to a mention of Nazi’s, and, well, you
know…

46

I’ve read 'em over and over again, my marriage vows say “love, honor, and obey”, but nothing about not sticking my pecker in Anna Kournikova if her limo happens to break down in front of my house one night. I guess if my wife said “don’t fuck Anna”, I’d have to obey her…or chop her head off. Hmmmmm, probably the head chopping thing.

47

I will not cheat on my wife. Quite honestly, we’re not doing as well now as in the past, and its not like there are no temptations, but I will not do that.

There was a time when one of us was emotionally attached to another person thru the computer, and that was really, really hard. We’re building back from that slowly. I am familiar with the feelings and consequences that come from cheating, and I will never do that to her. The fantasy of what it would be like with someone else hits everyone, especially when ‘someone else’ is close to you, not just an anonymous person, but my vows to my wife and my faith give me strength and help me want to always make my marriage stronger.

48

Cheat on hubby? Never! Make love with some besides hubby? Yes!

49

That’s kind of the point as far as I’m concerned. If you want out of your marriage, then get out. Don’t be a coward and sneak around abou tit.

NO. Once my trust in you is gone, the relationship is over. Plus, how could she respect someone who stuck around even after she cheated on them?

50

hairy, I would think you would get better answers if you asked instead, ‘do you know anyone who has cheated on their spouse?’

51

This seems to imply that, for a woman to respect me, she must know that I would throw her out if she ever slept with another man? I do not see why that behavior should underlie respect. I can think of certain qualities about me that might be considered worthy of respect: my education and capacity for learning, my honesty, my raw intelligence, and possibly my manners. Throwing my wife out because she cheated on me would be a reflection of my possessiveness and anger. Are these qualities worthy of respect? They are not for me; when I see a man angry or possessive, I don’t think “I respect him, because his anger and possessiveness control his actions.” But maybe for others it is different.

52

Handy, I am interested in hearing people’s impressions of how they might react to numerous temptations. The responses have been fascinating and encouraging.

53

What is cheating though?

I’m in a situation now. I’m single but she is in a very serious relationship. Now, she is a friend of a friend and whenever the 3 of us go out, there is heaps of sexual tension in the air and the constant feeling of, “we might end up in bed after a few more of these shots/beers/bottles of red”.

So far, we’ve held hands briefly on a number of occasions and had ‘deep and meaningfuls’ about the predicament. Have we cheated yet? Next time, if I can extrapolate a little here, I’m thinking we’ll kiss albeit a peck. Is that cheating? I just know I won’t be happy with a peck. Does an open mouth make a cheat?

When it comes to this girl, I’m thinking I could develop enormous moral flexibility. If anybody here can convince me that cheating requires penile/vaginal interaction then I’m ashamed to admit that I’ll be down on her in a flash next chance I get. Is anybody here willing to help me out in my quest to free myself of ethics?

It’s this boyfriend of her’s that is messing things up. I would have gotten my penile/vaginal action months ago were it not for him but here I am agonsing over hand holding for godssakes!

Essentially, I’m asking where the line is. And can I move that line around a little bit? Should I just go with the people telling me, “All’s fair in love and war”, and just go the whole p/v hog? Is there going to be even one poster who won’t say I’m a completely degenerate and morally bankrupt swine?
Please…?

54

If the object of your desire (OOYD) is in a “serious” relationship, i.e., a relationship in which the stated or implicit understanding is that fidelity is an essential part of this relationship, I would strongly recommend against cheating. If OOYD suspects that their attraction to you requires that they initiate a relationship with you, the only honest thing to do would be for her to make the person to whom she has been committed aware of this.

Sneaking around “on the sly” is bound to lead to very strong feelings of hurt, deception, guilt, anger, and self-loathing. Being straightforward regarding this situation is the only proper, honorable, and sensible course of action. Behaving in such an open fashion would compel both of you to consider and accept the consequences of your actions prior to engaging in acts that would destroy the existing serious relationship.

55

I almost cheated on my Live-In Boyfriend once. It was toward the end of our relationship; we’d fought several times (mostly about my unwillingness to support his gaming habits monetarily) but I was too soft-hearted to kick him out because he didn’t have a job. We were still sleeping together, but in a one-bedroom apartment one doesn’t have much choice.

I had finally managed to meet one of my friends that I’d known online for 3 years. Turns out that in real life, not only was he the charming, witty, and brilliant person I knew online, he was also a Total Hottie. My knees went weak just seeing him.

A little background; my L.I.B. knew I was not the monogamous type by nature. When I had met him, I was married in an open marriage, and perfectly happy that way. Things ended up that my marriage broke up and I was living with him, and he asked me to be monogamous for his emotional health, and I agreed.

That day with the T.H., I struggled through every excuse in the book. I wanted to sneak away with him and do naughty things. All the naughty things. I wanted to run off with him. I wanted to tell my L.I.B. that he would just have to get over it. The only problem was…I’d have to break my word to do it.

Turned out that I would feel WORSE about breaking my promise, even to a total jerk, compared to feeling better because having an afternoon of naughtiness would be so much fun. So I didn’t do anything with the T.H.

As it turned out, my L.I.B. decided to feel threatened merely because I had been attracted to the T.H., and decided that he would indulge in a bout of name-calling and nastiness. Since the L.I.B. was a virgin when I met him, he felt perfectly justified (don’t ask me about this logic) in calling me a filthy slut whenever the mood struck him in an argument. This, of course, resulted in my packing his stuff and kicking him out of my apartment, about a month later. (There’s only one name that you don’t call me, and that’s it.)

The end of this story is a little sad, at least for now. Due to transportation and schedule problems, the T.H. and I have never seen each other again. I still don’t think I’ll ever cheat on someone I’ve made a promise to, but hopefully I’ll have better taste in the people I make those promises to in the future.

Corr