After reading this post i felt compelled to reply. I can speak for someone who has had genital herpes for 20+ years. I contracted from my boyfriend - who i thought the world of - when I was 18. He did not bother to tell me before we had sex … which I felt betrayed but smitten in ‘love’ and therefore ‘forgave’ him and continued to date and eventually marry him. I was extremely unpromiscious … very shy and timid about sex and my body … so it was a total shock to me when I was diagnosed with this. The initial year was by far the worst … I had some extremely painful outbreaks - actually the first sympton is typically flu like, which i had (having NO IDEA it was the beginning of this virus) and it was a ‘bad’ flu/cold. Then a week or so later the outbreak… scared and clueless I went to my ObGyn and was told the news. I went home and confronted my boyfriend and he was very sorry and said his previous GF of 1.5 yrs never got it and he assumed he was not contagious… Lucky me eh? So it happens to the best of us beyond our control and while it’s not fun … I have finally accepted its not the end of my life. After a miserable 18 year marriage with the ‘herpes donor’ divorce was the only option. I truely believe i stayed with him for so long because of the virus I was so afraid to have to tell someone and I would need to be celibate for the rest of my life which was better than living with him. the outbreaks are few and far between … i might get one a year - stress is a trigger so I try to avoid that (ha ha).
shoot it posted too soon… anyway I was able to have 2 beautiful kids with no complications (natural birth) and overall it has not affected me as much as I might have thought. After my divorce I was reluctant to date anyone … but finally did and when things got sexual I swallowed my pride and told him before we ever had sex. He was nervous but curious … i explained everything I knew and how I got it etc. He was very understanding and we have been having safe sex for a few years not (mostly) … and so far so good.
While I understand if a person is reluctant to ‘date’ a person with this virus … I wish more people were educated on it which I think this post is helping with. If a person tells you… that should show their honestly and integrity - which is more than I can say for the person I got it from. It’s NOT easy to own up to this … especially to someone you are trying to ‘impress’ .
I hope my post made sense and possibly helped others to see the other side of herpes.
This thread, like herpes itself, keeps coming back.
In the same boat asstillgood, think I have had it more than twenty years, I had a misdiagnosed outbreak and didn’t know for about ten more. Knew when the GF came home and had the talk. Inchworm I promise it is not so bad, telling your potential lover that you have it is hard but you have to, they have a right to know. You will be surprised how many other have it or know someone who does. Pay attention to yourself, if you feel the itch no playing around. Valtrex helps and you do not have to take it every day. Anyhoo you will be fine
CAPT
Um, I guess so.
Never got a cold sore or anything in my life, till I was pg with my third child. My DH gets cold sores on his mouth every now and then. In my third trimester, guess where I got a little surprise… Yay.
Indeed, it’s one thing to choose not to knowingly expose oneself to the virus, which is fair enough and I wouldn’t blame anyone for that decision. It’s quite another to say “Ew, gross! Get away from me with your disgusting disease, you horrible person!” The presence of such an extremely common virus doesn’t make one a revolting trollop any more than the absence of it makes one a twice-distilled saint. That said, the words I would have for someone who has it and doesn’t disclose it to prospective partners are not fit for this board.
Did you have to take precautions during birth to avoid transmitting it? (By “guess where” I assume you don’t mean oral, if you did then never mind.) Third trimester would be a bad time to contract it, as your body wouldn’t have sufficient time to build up and pass on the antibodies to the child before birth, and it is fatal for newborns.
Herpes is one of those diseases that is slowly working its way through the population. Eventually, it will exist in 100% of humans, just like E. coli or the virus that gave us mitochondria.
That said, I have no desire to nurse oral or genital sores for the rest of my life. I voted no.
sigh. And by the time herpes is 100% accepted as “normal” we’ll have a new STD introduced to the population…
We’ll call it hispes.
I freaked out, naturally. My Ob/gyn said “Meh,” as I was having a scheduled repeat c-section (unless I should happen to have the baby in an elevator or something). He also wasn’t 100% sure that was what I had developed on my bottom, as it had come and almost gone by the time I could be seen. You see, after living with Dh’s problem for years, I knew to put some Abreva cream on it at the first sign of tingling and eat lysine drops, so I had a tiny spot for maybe 3 days, not quite on a mucous membrane. That’s as TMI as I had intended on going today.
Oh, and IIRC, it isn’t fatal for newborns out of hand but they are likely to get it in their eye or throat or somewhere even more painful than the usual areas, more likely to have dramatic, third-world country looking complications, etc., and set them up for bigger and earlier autoimmune problems down the road. The same applies, more or less, for HPV, and some other symbiotic organisms, as I think of them. But I have read far too much on the topic and will sound tinfoil hatted in short order.
To address the topic at large…I didn’t think too much about oral herpes before meeting DH. My ex didn’t have it AFAIK, and I’d been with him since age 18. He did (as does current DH) have the occasional wart on his hand and I was super ana—uh, careful, that he didn’t spread any outbreaks to me. Skin is skin. Turns out that is true for HPV as well as all kinds of herpes, as my new GYN concurred. Thought we were careful about his cold sores, but that is really hard to contain 100%. Plus, I just can’t stop smooching on him.
I do worry tremendously about passing any of this to baby. Dh got his stuff from his mom…
In the two years since, I’ve gotten one more suspicious spot on my bottom, and two on my mouth, both of which were headed of by the aforementioned technique and one trial of Valtrex when one was preceded by a sunburn and fever. Overall, I’d trade my acne for this.:dubious:
Uh, so, yeah. No way would I have not dated the love of my life, even knowing this would happen, even if I end up with one of the weirder nerve disorders that may come from it. Most people get sick from something weird eventually.
Ah, well, if you were having a C-section anyway, I can see why it wouldn’t have been a concern. Regarding children getting it (oral) from their parents or other adults in their lives, yes, that does seem to be extremely common. My brother had it since childhood, probably from being kissed by my mom, who had fairly regular cold sores. To be honest, if I had to choose, I’d rather have it in my pants than on my face. Less visible, further from the eyes and brain, not as likely to be triggered by sun exposure, and can’t be passed on by kissing or sharing a drinking glass. And the type II seems to be less aggressive than the type I variety in general, though I don’t have any citations for that. It just seems from what I’ve heard that it’s much more common for the type I oral variety to be transmitted to the genitals than for the type II genital type to take root in the oral region.
Wow, I just found this thread, even though it seems quite old, perhaps some are still paying attention to it. I just want to put in my two cents on this as a person with genital herpes. I want to say thank you to all the well-informed people here that say that it would not preclude you from dating me if we had all the other right things going for us. I think that you’ve obviously educated yourselves about the matter, or known people in the past with this STD, and that it isn’t the “Monster” that it’s sometimes made out to be. As a person with it though, I am of the “careful” category mentioned above of the infected. The ones that aren’t give us all a bad name. :smack:
While I’m giving thumbs up to the people who are willing to give it a go, I do have to comment on some of the threads for those that aren’t. I see so many people standing up and saying “It’s not right that you would x someone out your life because of this.” And I’m blown away and so happy for it, Thank you to all, but also I’de just like to say that I am okay with those that aren’t, and for the sake of the hearts of people with this STD, please continue to say no if that is how you really feel. Those of us that have it already have an immeasurable anxiety about it when it comes to a new relationship,new sexual partner. It is a benefit, to me at least, to hear you say up front and honestly. “No, I’m not willing to risk it.” I myself can move on at that point. No one can tell anyone what to do with their body and judge what they are willing to risk or not, it’s their right, and personal preference and I can move on to find someone who is willing to give it a chance 
Great thread!
I learned that I had herpes a few years ago, and I came to realize I’ve had it for at least 30 years without knowing it. I’m 55 and most of the people I know have herpes. Which is to say they have had at least one outbreak in their lives, but many of them never had more than that.
I’ve had herpes simplex I for as long as I can remember, as well.
Unless you are unfortunate enough to, for some reason, suffer severe and frequent outbreaks that you can’t control, it really isn’t a big deal. It’s a couple of blisters that are a little uncomfortable once in a while.
And by the way, for those who suffer cold sores, Viroxyn is a miracle drug that stops them immediately. And you can buy about $10,000 worth for about $8 buy buying exactly the same drug under the common name of Bactine.
Just make sure to rub, not dab, and you’ve saved yourself $14 per treatment.
When my mom feels a cold sore coming on, she immediately pierces it with a needle and puts rubbing alcohol on it, which must sting like hell but apparently stops it in its tracks. I can’t imagine doing that downstairs, though. o_0 Ay caramba. The over-the-counter acyclovir cream seems to help though. And here, it doesn’t cost anything to get a prescription of Famvir filled. Never heard of Viroxyn.
So. I am 21. Humanist, vegetarian, hippie, artist, and photography. I love nature and horseback riding. I am a good listener, honest, loving, and always finding ways to make myself a better person.
What I’m gathering from this blog is: ‘Fuck me, I should live a lonely life.’
I saw this guy throughout the summer. He’s never had a sore, nor a blemish, nor any other symptom. And I slept with him. I trusted him. Maybe because he was older? But fuck me because I trusted him. Then I came down with what doctors expect is herpes.
He has still never had a sore or anything. He refuses to listen to me. Refuses to get tested. ‘Why should I get tested? I’ve never had any symptoms.’
I feel like shit about myself. About my future. I’m 21. Is it fair to have contracted this so early? Is it fair that people are going to judge me and run from me the rest if my life? Should I have to run away from relationships like a loaded gun because I have a skin condition? I don’t think so, but so many other people do… 
People without symptoms would have no reason to suspect their having contracted it… then they meet someone, have sex and BANG! The virus has spread.
Maybe he’s lying? It could be true and he just doesn’t want confirmation since he’s never had an outbreak…but he could know he has it and just won’t admit it.
Whoooole lotta herp hate in this thread.
I just got diagnosed with the herp a couple weeks ago. As my husband and I were both ruled clean before we got married I have to assume I got it from a lady I fooled around with three years ago (with husband’s enthusiastic consent).
I had no idea I had the herp until recently because (despite the claims of open, weeping, life-ending sores) it’s really not that bad. Hell, some of you might have it now and not know. The first outbreak was about the size of a half dollar and the two others have been quite mild. Itchy, but mostly felt like I had a pube caught in my underpants elastic. My gyn hooked me up with a generic Valtrex scrip that knocked it out. Cortisone cream helped until I got the diagnosis.
So yeah, I’d date someone with the herp, even before I got it myself. It’s not that bad, there are inexpensive treatments for outbreaks and so far 50 weeks out of the year it’s dormant. All I got for it was a night of boring girl on girl, but my husband sure got a good show.
People are throwing the word “hypocrite” around a lot, but those of you who are infected are the hypocrites. Of course you think that herpes “isn’t a big deal” and that people with herpes shouldn’t be “judged.” YOU HAVE IT! You’re just trying to make your life more comfortable. Before you had, you thought just like we do. I guarantee you that when you got genital herpes, you didn’t say “Oh well. It’s no big deal. I’m not going to judge it.”
Those of us who don’t have it don’t want to get it, and there’s nothing wrong with us being candid and straightforward about it. There’s no way in heck that I’d knowingly have sex with a person who’s infected, and those of you who think that you shouldn’t/won’t be judged are kidding yourselves. If you didn’t have the disease, you’d want to keep your distance too. Don’t feed me that bullshxt. You’re just hypocrites who want to get a pass now that you’re on the other side.