Would you consider dating someone with herpes?

In My Humble Opinion
141

Newaflash, Vinny: it turns out that people are not identical in their thought process, feelings, and decisions! I know it’s probably shocking to you to hear it, but there it is… whoda thunk?

While I agree that hardly anyone would actually want to contract any kind of disease at all, by any means, you are very much mistaken if you sincerely believe that everyone is alike in automatically rejecting anyone infected. That’s just silly. There are people who will have sex with people who have HIV, having sex with people who have herpes is nothing. Particularly if you actually understand that the vast, vast majority of people who carry the virus have very minor, manageable symptoms. Honestly, I have had FAR more misery in my life over having mouth herpes than I have ever had over having genital herpes, as evidenced by the fact that I didn’t even know it for 30 years. But before Viroxyn, cold sores were a miserable drag that left me scabby and scarred for days and weeks. On my face! By comparison, a little tenderness and itch in my girly bits now and again is nuthin’.

142

Almost everyone has herpes, so I presume you are talking about genital herpes.

Anyone that has genital herpes and doesn’t tell someone they have sex with should be castrated or the equivalent for a female.
If the herpes is in remission, there’s probably no way to tell, but it’s a good reason for always having sex with the light on if you don’t know your “date for the night”.
Anyway, unless in a relationship, should always use a condom. Gonorrhea isn’t visible on the skin.

143

Sleep with men with undescended testicles.

144

My experience with Valtrex is positive. Valtrex help me http://www.valtrexhome.com

145

Decades ago I dated someone with herpes and never caught it - he’d had it for several years before we met and it was well controlled already; I don’t think he ever had an outbreak in the 18 months or so that we were partnered. He was extremely conscientious about condoms and said he knew what it felt like when an outbreak was coming, and would abstain from sex if he suspected he might be about to get one. So with that experience behind me, of course I’d date someone with herpes.

Anyway - depending on what you mean by “date,” it seems to me that by the time herpes enters the conversation, you already ARE dating. (I’m assuming a difference, however slight, between “dating” and “having sex”, but I’m old-fashioned that way.) I mean, surely people shouldn’t have to reveal that they’ve got herpes until there seems to be some likelihood that sex will ensue, right? Or are people with herpes supposed to wear a sign around their neck identifying themselves, so that people who would never date them can avoid even meeting them and finding them attractive?

149

I know I’m bringing up an old thread but I wanted to give my opinion on this issue.

I consider myself a very open, understanding and educated individual. I never judge anyone because everyone has their faults and pasts.

If you asked me a couple weeks ago if I’d date someone with herpes, I’d say maybe. Many factors would come into play. First of all, I would say that I would abstain from sex for a while. The reason for that is me wanting to get to know the person first, see if there is a connection and a future. Sex is very important but it doesn’t matter as much as the emotional connect you have with someone. THAT is what makes a long term relationship. Once I felt like there was something there, I would consider a sexual relationships, with the necessary precautions of course.

With that said, my opinion has changed since I was recently diagnosed with herpes, so obviously my answer is yes.

The thing is, I read these online boards and forums and become really sad and disappointed with our society. To read the things people say about someone with herpes is very disheartening. I read things about being dirty or nasty or disgusting. When asked if they would date someone with herpes, the responses are “hell no”, with other extremely hurtful words.

Maybe that is a sign of their age or ignorance, but the assumptions people make about someone with herpes are more untrue than not.

For me, I’ve never had an outbreak. Not once. Or at least nothing I could even associate with the possibility of herpes. So there is really no telling how long I’ve had it or who I’ve given it to. The other thing is, I’ve been in many long term relationships where condoms were not used. Yet, none of the men I’ve been with, NOT ONE, have reached out to me to express concern about contracting herpes or having any herpes-like symptoms. In fact, the only reason I even found out was because I went to the doctor to have blood work done to test my cholesterol, etc. I hadn’t had a physical in a while and wanted to make sure I was healthy. I told my doctor to test everything. Needless to say, when I received the news, I couldn’t believe it. Literally, no symptoms.

So let’s think about it. Use me as an example. Say I never went to the doctor. Say I didn’t tell her to test EVERYTHING just to be safe. I could be living my life without any knowledge of having the disease, enter into long-term relationships and not use condoms and potentially be spreading the disease without having ANY idea.

With that knowledge, think about it in regards to your own life. Have majority of you who claim to be “herpes free” ever been tested? When you are tested for STDs, its not included. You have to request it. Have any of you had a “rash” on your butt? What about a rash or razor burn like bumps anywhere near your genitals? What about on your legs? Guess what? That could be herpes. That is how mild the symptoms and outbreaks can be. And then there are people who literally have no symptoms at all. NONE. And like me, prior to my diagnosis, could be judging people with a disease that you very well may have.

And its not the “disgusting, dirty pimple-y, bumps” like thing people just assume it is. Sure, some people do have really bad outbreaks, but majority of people don’t. Some people have one outbreak and don’t for the rest of their lives. And don’t think that because you have genital herpes that that means your outbreaks are on your genitals because that isn’t always the case either.

I just think its really unfortunate that people jump to conclusions and judge someone, someone who could very well be a great person and potentially the love of their life, because they are closed-minded and uneducated about a very common disease.

150

I voted yes, it won’t be a deal breaker.

151

Zombie herpes are particularly difficult to treat.

152

Five years and one heartfelt plea for understanding and I still say no.

155

So the poll is mainly for herpes of the genital area, but would the results be the same if the question was dating someone who gets cold sores aka oral herpes? In a lot of ways, i think oral herpes is more devastating and much easier to catch.

I would continue to date someone if they had either, since I don’t date around and I’m looking for a lifelong mate. If I find Mr. Right in a sea of Mr. Wrongs, an occasional outbreak, great care from Mr. Right and some education on keeping me herpes free would be a small price to pay for a great companion.

Plus lots of people are asymptomatic so I may have it already. Haven’t been tested for it in years, but my sex life is as active as a sloth.

156

I think this was a flare-up.

157

67 years old and I recently tested positive for hp1. I have never had an outbreak. My girlfriend gets occasional cold sores which I assume are hp1 but she has never tested. It doesn’t have to e a deal breaker.

158

Ah, the herpes thread, the gift that keeps on giving. :wink:

While oral is more common, more visible, and potentially more harmful due to proximity to the eyes and brain, I think there is more of a stigma surrounding genital herpes due to the ‘Ew, you got it from having sex you filthy person’ factor. As evidenced in this very thread, some people will judge not just the virus but the person who has it as being disgusting and nasty and not worth their attention. I don’t see anywhere near the same sort of hate for those who carry the oral variety, for the most part. Some people will judge both equally (either badly or neutrally), but in general I think the genital gets a worse rap.

That seems to have been the attitude of most non-infected people I’ve been with since my diagnosis. My first relationship (marriage) was with a fellow ‘gifted’ person, and when that eventually failed I feared I’d never find someone willing to be with me who wasn’t also infected.

I have met the odd person who politely declined to take the risk, which is fine and I respect them for being polite about it, and they didn’t treat me like a leper just for having it, or decline to be touched by any part of me ever. The person I was actually with when I was diagnosed DID actually and literally treat me like a leper, not because I was suddenly automatically a filthy, nasty person, but because he was an asshole. It would have been pleasingly poetic justice if it had turned out he’d given it to me, but alas, he was not infected himself by either variety, so it must have been latent from an earlier partner and triggered by heavy stress.

In any case, I have never had anyone who was already seriously into me back off after finding out. I’ve had two long-term relationships without passing it on, and a couple of brief flings with normal amounts of protection (and no hint of noticeable symptoms, which would have made me call off any contact, protection notwithstanding), and none of those were too bothered by it.

Even the one long-term partner whom I accidentally infected, due to some sneak attacks during a highly stressful time, wasn’t as bothered about it as I was when we found out he’d contracted it. So, lesson learned: Stress will make your virus kick up shenanigans without necessarily giving any hints beforehand. Be careful out there! And down there, and up there as well…

And goddammit, be nice to each other. It’s a virus, not a moral failing. Refuse to take the risk of exposure if you (generic you) want, that’s certainly your prerogative, but you really don’t need to be an asshole about it. That would say more about your moral failings than those of the person you are shunning.

{end soapbox}