Would you date someone who had made multiple suicide attempts?

In My Humble Opinion
41

[QUOTE=Contrapuntal]
I’m suicidal.
[/QUOTE]

What does this mean? Being suicidal is a temporary state: it either turns into recovery or it turns into death. If you are suicidal, I really hope you choose the path of getting help, and that this is not some farewell comment.

That being said, there are lots of people who exist in a state of depression, which can be perpetual. These people would still benefit from professional help, but there is a difference between living an unfulfilled life under a cloud of depression and being “suicidal”, which is to say that you are actively contemplating how you will kill yourself.

I spent many years “depressed”; by the time I was 24, however, I was dwelling on the act of killing myself. I had planned the how and the where. I imagined the experience constantly, mulling over the details, and would dwell on the post mortem reaction (who would find me? How would people react?). I didn’t want to die, but I couldn’t imagine living; it was only a matter of time before this obsession became a reality. That dark place was what led me to get help.

Please don’t allow yourself to wallow in this state. One of my best friends took his own life on July 13th, and I find it odd to be on the “other side” of a suicide. The world doesn’t stop once you die; people mourn, but then they go on with their lives. You, however, are denying yourself all of the possibilities that the future holds; future loves, future joys, future experiences. Death is not the solution, and there are other means of coping that can help you to grow out of the darkness of depression and allow you to truly revel in the awesome potential found in each day you are alive.

42

Maybe, done it before. If she mentioned it on the first date, no freakin’ way. But if things had progressed to the point that I cared about her, I wouldn’t dump her just because of that.

43

Suicide “attempts” as attention seeking behavior? Hells no, no thank you, nuh-uh. That reeks of personality disorders along the line of borderline personality, narcissistic personality disorder, and so on.

Suicidal ideation as a symptom of a different pathology? Totally different issue and totally workable, in my opinion. But here, there usually have been no attempts, just depression. That’s a different matter.

44

[QUOTE=Atomicktom]

Please don’t allow yourself to wallow in this state. One of my best friends took his own life on July 13th, and I find it odd to be on the “other side” of a suicide. The world doesn’t stop once you die; people mourn, but then they go on with their lives. You, however, are denying yourself all of the possibilities that the future holds; future loves, future joys, future experiences. Death is not the solution, and there are other means of coping that can help you to grow out of the darkness of depression and allow you to truly revel in the awesome potential found in each day you are alive.
[/QUOTE]

This is simply not true for everyone. For some people, suicide is the correct answer to unrelenting depression. A perpetually depressed person doesn’t have a future. Death is the only option that makes sense.

45

Oops!

46

[QUOTE=Kalhoun]
This is simply not true for everyone. For some people, suicide is the correct answer to unrelenting depression. A perpetually depressed person doesn’t have a future. Death is the only option that makes sense.
[/QUOTE]

A perepetually depressed person does have a future, it’s just a perpetually depressed one. That future, however, need not be one of perepetual depression. All I’m saying is that death need not be the solution, even if it is the only one that makes sense (makes sense, that is, to a person who is not thinking clearly or rationally).

Wow! I never thought I’d debate the wisdom of suicide!

47

No.

I dated a woman with a profound anxiety disorder and depression for a while.

She was nearly asymptomatic when we hooked up, but at the end I was totally exhausted trying to hold her together. My routine became:

Work.
Go directly to her house.
Play amateur counsellor until late at night.
Perform obligatory “consolation” sex until early in the morning. (Mmmm… mouthful of cold snot… sexy…)
Repeat.

When it got to the point where I was sleeping at work at every break at lunch - and sometimes at my desk… I told her that I needed to take a couple of days to deal with my exhaustion.

She flipped out, absolutely. Now I was the devil. A couple of days to catch up on a month of missed sleep became a break up with all sorts of accusations of inhumanity.

…and then she tried to kill herself, and some of our friends blamed me for that.

Not something I would ever risk again. I’m not qualified.

48

[QUOTE=Atomicktom]
A perepetually depressed person does have a future, it’s just a perpetually depressed one. That future, however, need not be one of perepetual depression. All I’m saying is that death need not be the solution, even if it is the only one that makes sense (makes sense, that is, to a person who is not thinking clearly or rationally).

Wow! I never thought I’d debate the wisdom of suicide!
[/QUOTE]
I’m confused by your statement. Perpetually depressed is perpetually depressed. Why would anyone want to live their entire life in that state? And why should they? Death would be the decision for me if I wasn’t responding to treatment (and many don’t).

49

[QUOTE=Kalhoun]
I’m confused by your statement. Perpetually depressed is perpetually depressed. Why would anyone want to live their entire life in that state? And why should they? Death would be the decision for me if I wasn’t responding to treatment (and many don’t).
[/QUOTE]

I am saying that perpetual depression is treatable; thus, while one may be depressed all the time, they can take measures so that they are no longer depressed all the time. Death is one way to end constant depression, but there are other ways, too. I’m not going to argue that there is one treatment that will absolutely work, but I do believe, IMHO, that there are many forms of treatment that are worth trying before choosing death as an option. To simply say, “choose death” because recovery is a struggle is, well, simplistic.

50

[QUOTE=Valgard]
Not a chance. That’s someone who needs lots of professional help.
[/QUOTE]
And if the person gets that professional help?

If the suicide attempts were a long time ago and were the result of an undiagnosed mental illness, and the person is now under proper care, taking proper meds and/or otherwise successfully thriving under a good treatment regimen, then I would have to say “maybe.”

One of my sister’s exes had a mental illness, but you never, ever would have known it. She’d been a mess in her early 20s when the disease had first manifested itself, but she has been solid as a rock for a decade now (they’re still friends).

It would totally depend on the individual’s history and the root cause of his/her suicidal tendencies.

51

[QUOTE=Larry Mudd]
My routine became:

Work.
Go directly to her house.
Play amateur counsellor until late at night.
Perform obligatory “consolation” sex until early in the morning. (Mmmm… mouthful of cold snot… sexy…)
Repeat.

When it got to the point where I was sleeping at work at every break at lunch - and sometimes at my desk… I told her that I needed to take a couple of days to deal with my exhaustion.

She flipped out, absolutely. Now I was the devil. A couple of days to catch up on a month of missed sleep became a break up with all sorts of accusations of inhumanity.

…and then she tried to kill herself, and some of our friends blamed me for that.
[/QUOTE]

That was kind of the way my marriage went, but with a lot less sex. (She’s too depressed, she’s too tired, she has a headache, she’s mad at me…)

I was exhausted from constantly feeding her sympathy habit. Two months in, when I sold my house, I honestly told her that I needed a week off from worrying about HER, because I was stressed out from dealing with selling a house I very much liked and was sad to let go of.

Three days after closing on the sale of the house, I wake up at 6am to find that she’s already packed a bag, her daughter is on the way, she’s checking herself into a mental hospital for three days and it’s all my fault because she’d tried to commit suicide (the four pill drama above) and I hadn’t noticed.

I personally think it was also because that was the point at which I was about to learn that her debts were about 5 times more than she’d told me they were.

My ex-wife: Drama Queen, Sympathy Vampire, Sociopath.

52

[QUOTE=Larry Mudd]
Perform obligatory “consolation” sex until early in the morning. (Mmmm… mouthful of cold snot… sexy…)
[/QUOTE]

Wow, you did oral, too? You really were a nice guy! :stuck_out_tongue:

53

[QUOTE=Kalhoun]
This is simply not true for everyone. For some people, suicide is the correct answer to unrelenting depression. A perpetually depressed person doesn’t have a future. Death is the only option that makes sense.
[/QUOTE]
“Whether or not to kill yourself is one of the most important decisions a teenager can make.” [right]-- Student counsellor Ms. Fleming, Heathers[/right] :rolleyes:

Like alice_in_wonderland, while I think someone who is clinically depressed needs help, I don’t think it’s necessarily my obligation to help them in that way, and I would have massive reservations about chaining my wagon to that horse. I say this as someone who does suffer from chronic and sometimes severe depression. I’d have to be persuaded that they have, in fact, confronted whatever issues it was that caused them to descend into such a depressive spiral and that they’re able to manage that on their own without devleoping some kind of unhealthy, codependent, “I’ll kill myself if you ever leave me,” attitude.

I wouldn’t date a drug addict, a gambling fanatic, a woman with a gaggle of kids, or a romantic comedy junkie, either. If that makes me a bad person, so be it.

Stranger

54

[QUOTE=Atomicktom]
I am saying that perpetual depression is treatable; thus, while one may be depressed all the time, they can take measures so that they are no longer depressed all the time. Death is one way to end constant depression, but there are other ways, too. I’m not going to argue that there is one treatment that will absolutely work, but I do believe, IMHO, that there are many forms of treatment that are worth trying before choosing death as an option. To simply say, “choose death” because recovery is a struggle is, well, simplistic.
[/QUOTE]

I am saying that there are MANY people who don’t find relief from treatment. Do you expect them to slog along for decades in a constant state of misery? I’m not sure why you’re adverse to defending a person’s right to choose whether the quality of their life makes that life worth living.

55

[QUOTE=Kalhoun]
I am saying that there are MANY people who don’t find relief from treatment. Do you expect them to slog along for decades in a constant state of misery? I’m not sure why you’re adverse to defending a person’s right to choose whether the quality of their life makes that life worth living.
[/QUOTE]

I have no qualms with euthanasia. While I worry about the implications of labeling someone “defective” and deciding they are best served by dying (which is a point that you are not raising), I would not begin to make a decision or value judgment about another person’s quality of life. If someone decides, “I choose to die”, then I’m not going to say they don’t have that right.

However, IMHO, people who commit suicide do so because of desperation (that is, a lack of options), not out of a positive choice to end their life. I would be surprised to encounter someone who rationally decided that ending their life was their best solution to their life’s struggles. And my only point, with regard to that situation, is that I would hope people select another choice, because other choices do exist. If I meet someone who cheerfully elects to blow their brains out, however, since this is going to improve their intolerable circumstances better then counseling, or medication, or some other therapy, then I won’t stand in their way.

56

[QUOTE=Chimera]
My ex-wife: Drama Queen, Sympathy Vampire, Sociopath.
[/QUOTE]
I should count my blessings. I was luckier than you, and never got married to ‘that one’.

Oh the stories I could tell, but won’t…

57

This is a tough question. My best friend attempted suicide several times but never succeeded in killing herself. She did eventually get the help she needed and now she is a much better-adjusted, happier person who is glad that she didn’t succeed in killing herself. As she has been my best friend for several years, and I love her, I am also selfishly glad she is alive.

I don’t think I could date someone who hadn’t been or wasn’t being treated for whatever problems would lead to suicide attempts. If it’s something in the past, then that’s different from it being a current issue. My ex-fiance threatened suicide when I broke up with him, but I did not believe and still do not believe that was ever a credible threat. He was just a drama queen. In any case, I felt no guilt; why should I have? It was not my fault.

58

[QUOTE=Atomicktom]
What does this mean? Being suicidal is a temporary state: it either turns into recovery or it turns into death.
[/QUOTE]
Every human path leads to death, at least so far.

It isn’t. Not to worry.

Surely there is a better word than “wallow.”

Yep.

Future horrible bad shit is also a possibility.

It simply cannot be true that every human being on this planet has a potential awesome enough for reveling. It simply cannot. Sometimes death is a perfectly reasonable response to an untenable situation.

59

IME there’s no sex like crazy sex…but still not worth it, so no.

60

[QUOTE=Chimera]

  • I say “tried”, because it was an obvious fraud. She took FOUR xanax tablets, totalling 200mg, or 1/3 of the normal dose when used for theraputic uses. When someone tries to kill themselves, they don’t take four pills, they take the entire bottle.
    [/QUOTE]

[nitpick]
200 mg of xanax is definitely enough to kill someone, they only come in 0.25, 0.5, 1 and 2 mg, so she may have taken 4 of the 0.5 mg tablets, = 2mg, which is still a therapeutic dosage, but definitely enough to knock her out for a while if she hadn’t gotten a tolerance from 0.5 mg.
[/nitpick]