The missing Oscars (all but three anyway) have been found. If you’d been the one to find them, would you have kept one?
I would have.
Hell yes I would have kept it.
I know I am going to get a lot of crap about morals and such, but I don’t feel the least bit bad about stealing something from hollywood. Who cares about hollywood?
Fuck 'em.
It’s not like they can’t afford to make more.
“Winners never quit and quitters never win, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.”
I would have kept the Oscar for “Best Former One-Time Stuntman Martial Arts Trainer”. … brief pause with whispering in background … What do you mean there is no “Best Former One-Time Stuntman Martial Arts Trainer”?!? This is an outrage. Somebody call my agent.
Probably not. Some day the cops would probably see it & know right away what it is & that it’s surely not mine.
Maybe put it on ebay.com?
Would’ve kept them all! That would solve 75%of my Christmas gift shopping, and it’s only March. I’d be so far ahead of the power curve. A pair would make great bookends. Other gift ideas for them: lawn ornaments (puts a touch of class next to the plastic pink flamingo); attaching plastic hat and miniature bat for extremely sophisticated softball trophy; decorative addition to the cow mailbox in your front yard; cool dashboard accent to compliment your fuzzy dice…hell, the possibilities are limited to your imagination.
…send lawyers, guns, and money…
Warren ZevonI’m with Bluepony on this one. Put a little hula skirt on Oscar and stick him on the dash board.
Or, I would take the Oscar for BEST SOUND and give it to my husband whilst he sits on the toilet.
(Sometimes I crack myself up.)
Put it in my purse and use it as a weapon.
Too bad we don’t have any smilies for Pure Evil (although some would argue these smilies are evil). 
“I thought: opera, how hard can it be? Songs. Pretty girls dancing. Nice scenery. Lots of people handing over cash. Got to be better than the cut-throat world of yoghurt, I thought.” - Seldom Bucket
Take him to the grocery store with you and use as your own personal item separator.
Make a nice lamp.
Shoe horn.
Hmmm, yep, I’d keep him.
I will not carve gods.
No. I am also one of the few people who would have collected and returned the money that was blowing around the streets of Miami a few years back, when the Brinks truck overturned. No question about it.
I haven’t lost anything if it was never mine to begin with.
I don’t think they actually get engraved till after the ceremony—so you could haul it off to an engraver and have 'em put anything you wanted on it!
Given the rather phallic aspects of the statue, do you suppose that any award-winning actresses, during an amorous, self-absorbed moment, have ever …
Ah, never mind.
“Nothing is so firmly believed as what is least known” - Michel Gyquem de Montaigne
Well, one of the stories circulating about the origin of the name “Oscar” is that it’s named after a well-known Hollywood gigolo whose endowment was purported to be of the same size (although the semi-“official” story is that Bette Davis named it after one of her husbands because the statue’s ass supposedly resembled his). Johnny Stompanato, Lana Turner’s paramour who was killed by Lana’s daughter, was nicknamed Oscar supposedly because of the heft of his equipment.
I would have kept one…okay, maybe two. 
You could call the Oscar people & ask them how much they would pay for them.
Waiting for AvenueB-dude to weigh in and read you all the riot act.
Handy, under what circumstances would the cops probably see it? What have you been up to?
I would have returned them all, but when they offered me a reward, I would have said “How about giving me an Oscar?”
I had an idea when I first heard they were missing. . . engrave each one with a lame “category” and send them to famous people (not just actors).
Leonardo DiCaprio, for example, would get the “Stupid Git” award. Brittany Spears would get the “Best Denied Implants” award. And so on.
– Sylence
“Excuse me, are you reading Torah and eating crayons?”
Pooch, not much, but the cops like to show up sometimes. I always inform them in my most diplomatic voice, ‘don’t come inside, stand outside.’