For 12 years I lived with a man who had no ambition. When we first met – in our late 20s – it was no big deal that he wore nothing but jeans and a t-shirt, had a long ponytail, played lots of guitar, and wanted nothing other than to make music. I had no problem with that.
By my 40th birthday, I was the one working three jobs to support us (to buy him recording equipment) while he had done nothing to further his dreams. At 40, he didn’t have a driver’s license, could only get a job as a night stock clerk at Target, and wouldn’t smile because his teeth were rotting out of his head for want of a dentist (no insurance).
Sorry - but I feel as though I wasted some of my prime years waiting for this otherwise wonderful man to get enough ambition to help contribute to our growing debt and desired lifestyle. Now, six years later, he is still a night stock-clerk at Target with little or no ambition, just barely surviving. What I didn’t know at the time was that he was functionally illiterate and unable to write or type and still is one of the few in the world with no email address or GED.
I add for clarity that I do live in NYC and my wife is not employed nor has ever been while we have been together. We met while she was in college and I was a year or two out. She does have some health problems which would definitely make working a lot more difficult, but we do just fine with my work (we have never tried to receive state assistance on account of her health problems).
This poll would be a lot more interesting IMO if the income was less than 30k. Me and most of my friends make less than that, so earning 30k/year would hardly be a flaw even if it is below the average (both in US and here in Finland).
I expect anyone I’d date to be able to support him/herself to his/her own desired standard of living. (Allowing for occasional unemployment, within reason.) As long as “lack of ambition” isn’t a code phrase for “boring and lazy”, it shouldn’t be a problem.
So, am I the only one who found the choices odd? I can’t imagine the point of dating a guy that I decided before we even started dating I could never marry…if things don’t work out, they don’t, but why even start with someone you know you won’t be happy with
I was about to post “Apparently, I’d have no compunctions about it seeing as how I am already dating that guy.”
Then I actually read the OP and saw that we give this non-ambitious “partner” a pass on being completely unemployed. $30K? Hell, that’s more than my last two boyfriends made, put together.
(I won’t marry or cohabitate unless it’s more of an equal partnership and we’re both contributing to the household. Doing the dishes doesn’t count.)
I’m feeling too lazy to look up current exchange rates, plus there’s the whole issue of comparing purchasing power and all that jazz, but count me among the ones who would be perfectly happy dating, say, a government worker, so long as he was in that job because he was happy in it and not because he couldn’t think of what else to do.
I answered too soon. I’d be fine dating and being married to a person who was content to stay in their job and not feel the need to climb the ladder at work but they must have some sort of ambition towards something. Farmville and PS3 games do not a fun and interesting relationship make so as long as they have something they aspire to and are reasonably well rounded the money doesn’t really matter.
I was basing this off of living in San Francisco/Orange County, which admittedly are both extremely expensive places to live, and where $30k wouldn’t go as far as elsewhere in this country; however, those are the only two places in this country where I know much about the rental markets/housing prices/average incomes. I’m not someone who requires a lot of money to live, but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life living with roommates.
If I was living in Costa Rica and my SO was pulling in $30k/year, we’d be rich!
I think the number $30k/year confuses the question and won’t give you an accurate picture of what people actually believe, because the wealth of $30k/year varies dramatically depending on where you are living.
You know I can only deny you three things, and that’s not one of 'em.
I’d be chary of it; it would depend on why she was unambitious. If she were more interested in working with charity or her art than making money, I’d be okay with it. If she wanted to play World of Warcraft or some other online game (okay, WoW is the only one I actually know the name of), I wouldn’t want to be with her.
I couldn’t care less about ambition. If anything, it would be a turn-off. I don’t see how financial greed is any kind of a virtue. There are a lot more important things than money.
That’s what I was thinking. I’d personally go with more of a minimum wage, flipping burgers scenario. If a prospective guy was stuffing tacos at taco bell and never wanted to do anything more than that, I’d probably hesitate to date him. But 30K a year? That’s pretty comfortable, no problem.
Me and my husband both make about 30.000 euro’s a year, (both work 32 hours a week) so in your scenario, we’re both slackers.
But to answer your poll, I once dated a guy with lots of psychological problems and, at 35, in a dead end entry level job. I dated him, because he was hot; but actually, I thought of him more as my pet project to rescue. And rescue him I did.
Depends on what you mean by “ambition.” I married a teacher. That was her ambition, she never had a desire to become an administrator, a curriculum developer or get out of education to earn more.
On the other hand, she wanted to be the best damn teacher she could, so she constantly took additional courses, got graduate degrees, etc. So she was ambitious in that regard.
For her part, she preferred that I come home and be a father rather than trying to earn more money.
I would date and marry a man without financial, or business ambition. I tended to date more creative of a type - artists, musicians, and the like.
Absolutely no financial or business ambition in the men I dated of that type, yet they would practice their art with passion and zeal - in fact many of them took jobs well below their education and their abilities so that they could dedicate their time to their art.
Even if it meant I may end up supporting them, I am supporting someone who although they did not care for money, they had other things that were equally as important to bring in to the world, and in to our lives than money.
