Would you stay at your job, a job that you lothed and that was sucking the life out of you… a job that literally caused you to feel ill at the mere thought of going to? BUT, had incredible health insurance, paid very well, and was secure… What if your husband was facing major surgery in the next year that could put him out of work for up to 3 years? Would you stay simply because you knew you wouldn’t lose your job and could cover the medical bills and other expenses?
This is the problem I’m facing right now. My job is terrible, they’ve recently started treating me like crap and I want nothing more in the world than to quit. But, my husband has to have surgery and I can’t risk taking a new job and getting laid off while he’s recovering. However, this level of stress can’t be healthy. I have a hard time sleeping at night because of the dread of going to work the next day. Where do you draw the line between your own health and the good of your family?
Sorry if this doesn’t make sense, I’m a little distressed at the moment.
No point in the both of you being sick. Do you have savings? If I were you, I’d get that new job. The stress of helping your husband recover, plus the sheer hatred of your present job, could kill you fercrissakes. No job is worth that. No way, no how. If the surgery was like this month or something, my advice might be different, but you have a year? Get a new job.
I agree. Since you seem to have the time, start looking NOW for another job. I could understand staying in the short term just to keep things going for you and your family, but in the long term you will just get more miserable and it really is not worth it. Look around now and you will find something sooner or later, but if you don’t look for another job at all, you will never get out.
Scarlet - When stress starts to manifest physically, (can’t sleep, constent headache etc…etc…) it’s time for a change. Start aggressively searching for a new job now. For your own health.
I have a job like that now. Well, for the next week or so. I had stress symptoms like feeling sick to my stomach, muscle spasms in my neck and sleeping problems. I decided no job was worth that, so I started looking and found one. I am slowly starting to relax now that I know I’m a short timer.
As for the insurance issue, I understand your concerns and frankly it MIGHT keep me in the Job o’slow death for a while. But ultimately it will become a greater and gereater burden to you, and you may develop some resentment about “having” to keep this job. You don’t want to add that to everything else you have going on. Set yourself to finding something new; it will give you hope and purpose knowing that you’re working on finding something better. Good luck to both of you!
Might I suggest you renegotiate or deal differently with your current job ? Maybe if you stamp your feet loud enough the things bothering you might get better ? Set out and change what is bothering you… ?
What exactly are they doing to you at your current job that creates so much anguish ? Or its just the job itself ?
Otherwise I feel you should plan for a job change. Your husband is "sick"... but soon so will you. Find another job first... take your time and then quit.
Sadly, around here, it would only make things worse than they already are. I’m not part of the “elite” that can raise a fuss without seriously putting my job in jeopardy. The office politics around here are horrifically bias towards certain people, to the extent that they can come in 3 hours late and no one says a word, I come in 5 minutes late and I get ripped a new one.
The actual work is fine, I have no problems with that. Its the current atmosphere and the disrespectful and humiliating treatment that I have recently had to endure that is causing the stress. No, I can’t go to the upper levels about it because that’s where it came from. I’m not going to go into particulars, but its bad and there are probably laws against it (I haven’t yet found any, but I’ve been looking).
DH told me if I quit, he was going to postpone the surgery, he’s afraid of us not being able to make ends meet if I have to take something that pays less or has insurance that won’t cover the surgery (pre-existing condition stuff). He’s already put it off until next winter, but he’s in so much constant pain and I can’t stand to see him suffer any longer.
I’ve started getting my resume together, its funny how such a small thing as that helps my mood some.
That’s what I’m doing right now. Working at a job that has run me down, physically and mentally. A job that my doctors say I need to quit for the sake of my own sanity.
BUT…I am tremendously in debt. I racked up a bunch in student loans on the premise that I’d be paying them off with my big salary. I have $10k in credit card debt. I have a car that has about another 2 years before it’s paid off. I have enormous hospital bills from when I had to go into the loony bin back in May. I need the great health insurance that allows me to continue to see my psychiatrist and my therapist.
In a little more than an hour, I am going to my annual job review. The firm wants me to quit because I’m a big drain on their resources, but they can’t come out and say that for fear of an ADA lawsuit. So they’ve been putting the squeeze on me for the last 6 months. Namely, they have the HR director pressuring me to go back to full time and to stop using the reasonable accommodations I asked for. So I feel like I can’t take my doctors’ advice to scale back my work and keep using my accommodations. So I push myself too hard and end up screwing up. Then they write down all my mistakes in my file (stuff like forgetting to return phone calls, and, in one glaring example, not showing up at work for a week while I laid in bed, wishing I was dead) to build a case for legitimately firing me.
I’m sick and tired of getting hosed by this job every which way I turn. Yet, perversely, I am fighting to keep the job for at least 8 more months so I can pay down my debt and find a new situation before quitting. So yeah, I identify.
I’m wondering why the surgery is postponed for another year? Since you have the insurance to cover it now, it would seem to me that the best solution would be to move the surgery up, and then once he’s recovering start looking for another job. That way you’ll be in a better position ot decide how much a pay cut you can take, how much flexibility you’ll need to help him recover and insurance won’t be such a concern.
DH put it off for a couple of reasons. 1. He’s scared and doesn’t want to have surgery (though, he won’t admit it to anyone). 2. He wants to have more money in the bank. 3. He needs to put a bathroom on the main floor of the house because he won’t be able to go up and down the stairs. 4. Both cars will be paid off by next winter, so it won’t be as much of a drain on one income.
If your company has an employee assistance program I would talk with them about the workplace situation, both in terms of how you can manage your stress and in terms of holding the people who are treating you poorly accountable for it. Document, document, document! I would also discuss with them issues of health insurance portability under COBRA and for help on possibly getting your husband on disability. If he’s going to be unable to work for three years because of the surgery he may be eligible for federal or state assistance. Ask them about counseling for both you (for work-related stress issues) and your husband (for surgery-related fear issues).
Make an appointment with your doctor to talk about stress relief. I don’t normally advocate using prescription drugs as a crutch, but that was before I was prescribed a wonderful anti-inflammatory and muscle relaxant to help me deal with my own stress-related pain.
Handle the short-term stuff first, then deal with the long-term stuff. Take the steps you need to in order to preserve your own health. You may find that in taking those steps you can make the situation bearable enough that you can endure it. And if not, look for work elsewhere. If your husband is going to be largely out of commission for an extended period you’re not going to be able to help him or yourself if you take yourself out of the game too.
I’m curious, has something changed in your workplace which has suddenly made the higher-ups treat you badly? Is there some stressor on them which is causing them to lash out, and if so, can you find out about it and how long it might last? If it’s some end-of-year or new-year thing, maybe it’ll go away on its own.
