Would you let your young (under ten) child hang out with teenagers unsupervised?

In My Humble Opinion
21

Or if they have male teachers in school…with attitudes like this, though, it’s not surprising that men are reluctant to teach younger grades.

[QUOTE=lobotomyboy63]
This is just it, isn’t it? You can’t be with them 24/7. You can’t put them in a cage. And even if you could, they’d never learn how to be safe when unsupervised.
[/QUOTE]

Yeah, this. I think it’s laudable to want your kids to be safe, but at some point, you can’t keep them under constant supervision. It’s cruel…and completely unrealistic. I’d say it’s better to give them skills (knowing enough to tell their parents if someone does try something, like norinew’s kid did) than to just keep them with you at all times.

22

[QUOTE=Zsofia]
I think it’s a damned crying shame that people think no men can be trusted with children anymore. If I were a guy it would break my heart that I couldn’t smile and wave at a little girl without somebody thinking I was some kind of monster.
[/QUOTE]

As someone who sees this often enough that it’s a little upsetting, allow me to chime in again. No one has freaked out on me yet for daring to speak to their little precious, but I’ve definitely gotten the vibe from people that I shouldn’t be helping their children when they ask me questions.

More or less, I think it’s a little sad that some parents cannot wrap their mind around a male librarian answering their precious child’s question. That’s right, I’m going to show their little kid where the books on dinosaurs are and then I’m going to kidnap them and throw them down a ravine.

Idiots. :rolleyes:

23

I have started a thread so as not to hijack, on the fear of adult men and how they feel about it, here .

24

[QUOTE=eleanorigby]
I cannot speak for anyone else, but I think I’d be more comfortable with an 8 year old boy with 2 teenage girls than vice versa.
[/QUOTE]
Speaking from personal experience: Maybe not. Of course, that was a very long time ago and memories change over time.

25

[QUOTE=Freudian Slit]
Really? how is that feasible? like, if she goes to spend the night with a friend who has brothers or a father…what then? Does the friend’s mother have to be there at all times?
[/quote]

Yes, it would make me uncomfortable to send my hypothetical daughter to a sleepover unless an adult female was around - and really even then I think I’d rather just invite the kids to my house instead. :slight_smile:

A grandfather might be a different story since my future husband would presumably be able to vouch for his father’s way of acting around kids (my own father is dead, so it’s moot even though he wasn’t an abuser either)
Considering that it has been in the news recently that an 11 year old Romanian girl was impregnated by her teen uncle, yep, you’ve got it.
I realize the majority of men out there aren’t sex abusers, but I think it’s a common enough problem that it’s worth being a bit suspicious of all males around the kid until the kid is old enough to know how to escape from the situation if a guy starts acting creepy.

26

[QUOTE=lavenderviolet]
Yes, it would make me uncomfortable to send my hypothetical daughter to a sleepover unless an adult female was around - and really even then I think I’d rather just invite the kids to my house instead. :slight_smile:
[/quote]

But by that rationale, shouldn’t those parents be equally afraid, since you also have men in your household?

[spoiler]A grandfather might be a different story since my future husband would presumably be able to vouch for his father’s way of acting around kids (my own father is dead, so it’s moot even though he wasn’t an abuser either)
Considering that it has been in the news recently that an 11 year old Romanian girl was impregnated by her teen uncle, yep, you’ve got it.
I realize the majority of men out there aren’t sex abusers, but I think it’s a common enough problem that it’s worth being a bit suspicious of all males around the kid until the kid is old enough to know how to escape from the situation if a guy starts acting creepy.
[/QUOTE]
I guess, I’m just not sure how common it is. I mean, compared to “stranger danger,” yeah, you’re more at risk from the men you know…but it seems we’re getting awfully close to throwing our kids out on the streets to be raised by Mongols because we’re the biggest danger to them, a la South Park.

27

[QUOTE=lavenderviolet]
I realize the majority of men out there aren’t sex abusers, but I think it’s a common enough problem that it’s worth being a bit suspicious of all males around the kid until the kid is old enough to know how to escape from the situation if a guy starts acting creepy.
[/QUOTE]

Except it’s not a common problem. I remember reading once that the number of children kidnapped by strangers in the US in a year is less than the number of children kidnapped by strangers in one season of Law & Order: SVU (which is set exclusively in NYC).

The “big creepy man” is a myth that gets played up 1) for ratings and 2) because it’s so rare that when it happens it becomes a big deal.

28

[QUOTE=Sunrazor]
Speaking from personal experience: Maybe not. Of course, that was a very long time ago and memories change over time.
[/QUOTE]

True enough. I don’t honestly see the girls doing something sexual with an 8 year old boy, though. Obviously, YMMV.

Some here have brought up a good point: there is a line to be drawn between prudence and paranoia. While I wouldn’t let my 8 year old daughter play unsupervised (visually) with 2 teen boys (what are they “playing?” "Play to me means imaginative play, otherwise the play is specified as in “play video games”), I also wouldn’t exclude a male teen from baby sitting. My older two kids’ favorite babysitter was a guy named Jason. He was terrific and they were so excited that he taught them a new game: “bumps on a log”. Truly an excellent 13 year old. :slight_smile: But note–he was a neighbor; I knew him and his parents well. This does not preclude the chance that something bad might happen, but I feel it lessened the odds.

I don’t see sexual predation everywhere I look, but having been on the receiving end of some teenage male hormones (and it wasn’t pretty; today it would be called date rape, if oral sex is considered rape–I can’t keep up with the categorizations), I am somewhat leery of 2 older males with one (much) younger female. I realize my own experience as a teenager is not consistent with the scenario, but I include it to demonstrate the reasoning behind my wariness (that and the age appropriate stuff).

I have always appreciated it when my sons (in particular, but also my daughter) have had a male elementary school teacher. I think it’s good for both genders to have teachers of both genders. Ditto coaches–they’ve all had both male and female soccer coaches/swimming lesson instructors etc.

29

Heh - is playing “bumps on a log” like playing “cemetery”? Because I could never get the kids I babysat to play that one.

30

[QUOTE=Zsofia]
Heh - is playing “bumps on a log” like playing “cemetery”? Because I could never get the kids I babysat to play that one.
[/QUOTE]

If it’s where the kids have to lay quiet and still and the first one who speaks or moves loses, then yes. Heh. :slight_smile:

31

[QUOTE=eleanorigby]
If it’s where the kids have to lay quiet and still and the first one who speaks or moves loses, then yes. Heh. :slight_smile:
[/QUOTE]

When the kids get wise to that one, you can play Statue, instead. That’s the one where the kids have to strike a pose and be quiet and still and the first one who speaks or moves loses.

I am an advanced level babysitter. :smiley:

32

I’m an 18 year old boy, however I’m also a card carrying member of the rhetorical Squeaky Clean Club, as well as known for being very good with children (and I enjoy hanging out with them for some reason, it’s just fun to see them having fun, they’re cute). Personally I’d be a bit more worried about early teens than later teens, simply because I find the occasional life lessons between 13 and 18 tend to put the testosterone in check for most people (my normal disclaimer: I went to an advanced test-into high school and therefore your mileage will probably vary with typical teens because the people I’ve been exposed to are far from typical). That said, I think I’d almost be offended if a parent let their 8 year old hang out with me no questions asked. If they knew me, or asked WHY, or whatever I’d feel better, but strictly letting your kids play with two 14 year old boys you barely know with no questions asked is a little out there, however I’d probably apply this to anyone about 12+ (until your kid are 12+ in which case I’d apply it to small increments higher than their age leading up to no one 19+ somewhere around your child being 16).

33

I don’t have any kids, but when I was young I hung around older guys plenty, from my friends’ older siblings and their boyfriends to grown men who were acquaintances of my parents. I never felt uncomfortable, but if I had I’d been taught how to react and who to go tell. Furthermore, I was friends with plenty of boys from all kinds of walks of life all through childhood and I can’t think of a single one who would intentionally hurt a child, male or female, beyond daring them to eat bugs or “What? No, you don’t need a catcher’s mask.”

So maybe my opinion might change if I were a parent, but from my perspective now, yes, I would.

34

See, the babysitter who touched me was a “nice boy”, the son of friends of my parents, supposedly a squeaky clean kid too. My mom was molested by a male relative when she was little and was always super-protective of my brother and me (never left us alone with men) so I’ve never told her what happened because it would hurt her so much that something happened despite her precautions. That wasn’t why I didn’t tell then, but it’s why I won’t tell now.

I just would have to err on the side of caution. Of course a guy can come talk to my hypothetical kid, but I’d be there too. One of the ways my mom’s supervigilance affected me was that I was completely shy around men, as if they were this Other. She never told me what she was doing until years later but I must have picked up the vibe she had about men. I wouldn’t want my kid to feel that way.

35

[QUOTE=Freudian Slit]
No, you’re right, and I didn’t mean to make it sound like norinew was letting her kid hang out with predators unsupervised…it definitely sounds like a freak thing that you really can’t beat yourself up over.

The virulence of the post I quoted, though, just surprised me because it just never would have occurred to me to automatically think that a teenager who is hanging out with a younger kid is a predator. Though I suppose now that I think about it, and that you guys mention it, it is a bit odd–I don’t even like hanging out with young kids now, let alone when I was fourteen or fifteen.
[/QUOTE]

It surprised me, too. I also wouldn’t have thought anything about a younger kid hanging out with teenagers…of any sex. It could be my own naivete showing through, or my mom’s, but when I was younger, (read about the same age as norinew’s little girl), we hung out with - or pestered - the 12-year-old boy across the street regularly because we were friends with his younger sister. We thought he was cool because he was older and, true to his nature, he thought we were annoying as hell, but still occasionally let us hang out with him when he had nothing better to do. He said a few disgusting things to us from time to time, but he was well aware that both his mother and mine would skin him alive if they ever had an inkling he was using language like that, much less getting physical in any way.

That was why my first impressions in reading the post quoted in the OP were that this was an isolated incident, teenaged boys should know damn well what’s appropriate and what’s not and also that these were clearly predators who knew what they did was wrong before, during and after they did it. After reading all the posts here from guys, if I had a little girl, I probably would worry more if my kid was running around with older boys at that age than my mom did; however, I still think that NOT giving teenagers (boys and girls) and even younger kids an opportunity to exercise judgment results in NO judgment.

This is a pretty tough one - I’m only 32, but the level of trust in kids and in their surrounding environs has changed so drastically since I was younger. When I was a kid, I was sent out to play after lunch with instructions to come back before dark and not to leave the neighborhood - this provided me with a two-mile radius to play in and a large group of kids to run with. I’m determined to give my son similar freedoms, but I hear about stuff like this and it certainly makes me uneasy. And sad.

36

[QUOTE=Jragon]
<snip>Personally I’d be a bit more worried about early teens than later teens, simply because I find the occasional life lessons between 13 and 18 tend to put the testosterone in check for most people (my normal disclaimer: I went to an advanced test-into high school and therefore your mileage will probably vary with typical teens because the people I’ve been exposed to are far from typical). <snip>
[/QUOTE]

I’m not sure how what type of high school you went to is relevant. I also went to a test-in high school and we had our share of perverts and druggies. My opinion is that how the kids are treated at home, whether they’ve been clearly told (both my parents setting the example and telling them and disciplining them) what’s acceptable behavior and what isn’t is often very telling of how a kid will behave. Hell, half the kids in my high school were their parents’ precious snowflakes because they were so “smart,” yet some were spoiled little jerks with entitlement complexes because their parents never disciplined them or were helicopter parents and never gave their kids room to breathe, let alone use their brains in social matters.

37

It depends on the teenager. I know some reliable, responsible teens, and I know some that aren’t. We have a small pool of teenaged babysitters that we draw on when we want to go out and leave our boys (ages 11, 8 and 5) at home. Never had a problem yet, knock on wood.

38

I think you just can’t tell, no matter what. My older brother’s friends, at age 15, wanted to play strip poker with 13 year old me. And they still wanted to at 17, and me, 15. I refused at both ages. Other than that, they were very nice to me and we joked around a lot–but it could have gone the other way, quickly. These were honor students, and comprised most of the Varsity swim team.

This is not an excuse (because this kind of behavior is inexcusable) but boys will be boys. That means we don’t allow them (as much as we can) to act in ways that are potentially damaging to more vulnerable (ie younger) kids. At some point in adolescence, judgement does start kicking in (for most–and not all boys are like this, and some girls are like this, although IMO it is rarer in girls, at least with pre-pubescent boys).

Hopefully, one instills in their children enough self regard and assertiveness for them to yell time out or stop or just say no. And hopefully, one instills in them to not use others in this manner, but teens are curious creatures who are intensely curious about sex. With the best will in the world, bad things can still happen.

39

[QUOTE=Justin_Bailey]
No offense, but I’d put your antennae down for this one. When I was 14-17 I wouldn’t mind at all when my best friends little brother (who was 8-11) tagged along with us. He was the catcher (and ball fetcher) when we played baseball. He was the ref when we played basketball. And he was a 4th when we would play video games. When he got annoying, we sent his ass home.

Basically, he got to hang out with the big kids and we got a little helper. It was never weird and because his brothers were four and five years older than him, he was actually a pretty mature little kid.

And when it comes to video games, if you’re bored, it doesn’t matter how old player two is because you’re not sitting there discussing anything deeper than “Holy shit, I just blew you up with a rocket!”
[/QUOTE]

And my son was almost the opposite- he spent a lot of time from 8-11 with his friends’ older brothers. It forced him to act more maturely - the older boys would send them home in a heartbeat if they were pests.

40

[QUOTE=eleanorigby]
I think you just can’t tell, no matter what. My older brother’s friends, at age 15, wanted to play strip poker with 13 year old me. And they still wanted to at 17, and me, 15. I refused at both ages. Other than that, they were very nice to me and we joked around a lot–but it could have gone the other way, quickly. These were honor students, and comprised most of the Varsity swim team.

This is not an excuse (because this kind of behavior is inexcusable) but boys will be boys.
[/QUOTE]

That’s not a very big age difference. I’m not saying you should have played, but it doesn’t sound pervy, like the OP’s situation of a pre-pubescent being manipulated by pubescents.