Would you rather have had X before it went away, or never have had it at all?

In My Humble Opinion
1

The title is a little unclear, I know; I couldn’t think of a good way to phrase it. Let me explain with my own example:

For quite a while, I had a YouTube video in my bookmarks that I liked. One day, I actually thought to check out the poster’s other videos. That person, in turn, had a now-defunct video link up that I asked him about. Turned out it was posted by another user that had since closed his account. From the way he described it, I would have LOVED this video. But now it’s nowhere to be found. I go a little crazy sometimes (when I’m reminded about it, at least) imagining what it would’ve looked like and how cool I would’ve found it. But then I ask myself: would it have been worse to have seen it first, and now have only memories to go by, with the actual thing gone forever?

Replace “YouTube video” above with anything you like, really, serious or not. Where do you fall on this question?

2

Have you never heard “Is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all”? Because there’s the answer right there.

3

Memories is usually all you get to keep, for a while, of all the best stuff.

4

Ah, but there’s the rub…IS it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? :confused: (it IS a question, after all)

My opinion, as much as I have debated it from time to time, is hell YES it is better to have loved/experienced and lost than to never have known whatever it was to begin with.

I have my memories of the thing/experience, and perhaps my life was made richer, if only a little bit, by experiencing it. Could be a song or a poem or a person…even if I never see/hear it again, it still is a part of me.

OTOH, I am reminded of the line from Men In Black, in response to that great quote…“Try it sometime”. Yep. I have. I lost my husband of 23 yrs a few yrs back and, DAMN…sometimes REALLY hard to see the good side of all the pain associated with losing something you knew/loved so well. But all thing considered, I wouldn’t trade having known it for having had to go through the pain of losing it.

If I can say that about a person, I guess I sure casn say it about a song or blog or coffee table or some other relatively worthless thing. :wink:

5

Well, I can’t beat InterestedObserver’s response above having never gone through that. There have been several events or concerts I missed that I really wished I had gone to.

I almost went to the ‘US’ festival back in the 80s. I also missed out on seeing Nirvana before Kurt Cobain’s death, which I have always regretted.

6

While I can appreciate the bittersweet taste of a nice “loved and lost” experience, there are definitely cases where I’d vote “never have loved at all”. Restaurants are a notable one – I hate it when I find a local restaurant that I really like and it goes out of business. Honestly, I’d have rather never eaten there at all. The sadness of losing a long-term resource completely outweighs any pleasure I got out of those few meals.

7

There is one thing I wish I’d never had: Ben and Jerry’s Coconut Almod Fudge.

There’s probably ten pounds I carry around with me as a direct result of continually trying out possible substitutes. The original was so rich and creamy (with coconut cream that is) and the almonds so perfectly roasted to a warm rich nuttiness, that 1-2 bites were all it took to quell the craving.

I keep hoping I’ll do something wonderful enough or crazy enough to become a pop icon. So then when Ben and Jerry ask to do a flavor for me I can make them bring it back. ::glances doubtfully at half-written short story on desk::

I wish I’d never tried it, because no ice cream will ever measure up.

8

Most things don’t last a human lifetime, so not wanting to have something that you’ll eventually lose means you’ll miss out on most everything. I’m often irritated that I can’t have something anymore, but I never wish that I never had it because the alternative is basically having pretty much nothing.

9

The best analogy to me is having a horse.

My whole life, I wanted a horse. Begged, pleaded, and finally, for my high school graduation gift, I got a horse. Not just ANY horse, but THE horse. There is an old saying that for every rider, there is but one perfect horse, and he was mine. We learned everything together. He was my best friend, my son. The 4 years I had him were the best 4 years of my life.

Sadly, boarding a horse is expensive. I was working a shit job that barely covered my bills. My car went out on me and I was faced with needing another, which meant a higher car payment. I had no choice but to sell my beloved horse.

Two years later, I got another. There was no bond there. He broke my arm 2 years later and I sold him. Never got another.

It’s been 28 years since I sold my first horse. I have 4 years of wonderful memories so vivid I can still feel his velvety muzzle, still smell him although he is long dead. I still cry for him, still miss him as much as I did the day I sold him.

Would I rather have never had him?

Honestly, I don’t know. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have those wonderful memories of nighttime trail rides, the field alive with fireflies, of riding him in a parade, of having him follow me around like a big dog, even trying to get in my car with me.

But I also wouldn’t have this pain to live with, of knowing what I had and lost.

So… I just don’t know.

10

Aww, PapSett. :frowning:

My answer would be that it depends on the nature of X. What is a life partner? It is a lifetime commitment to a being that inevitably dies. So this question is answered automatically for any of us who would make such a commitment. The answer is ‘‘It’s better to have the thing and lose it.’’ I can’t imagine the agony I am statistically likely to someday face, but obviously I’ve accepted that agony is worth the (hopefully) decades of joy that precede it.

As PapSett indicates, we do this with our pets too. My cat is going to die some day. But I think any cat lover would agree that it’s better to have a cat and deal with the inevitability of its death than not have one at all.

If X is like, a piece of technology or a new cleaning implement, I think it’s not such a big deal. But for relationships? It’s better to have the thing and lose it than never have it at all.

11

Speaking as a widow, it’s better to have loved and lost. No matter how much it hurt, and it did, it was still worth it.

12

As someone who for the most part ‘never had it at all’ with it being a lot of things, I’d say it’s better to have and lose. At the very least, not having the experience makes you a boring person, something I’m having to come to grips with lately.