When my mother died I was zonked out on sedatives for 3 days; I barely remember the memorial service. I kinda freaked out when they broke the news she hadn’t made it and her doctor was worried about me.
It let me deal with relatives and hold off grieving until I was alone.
I have no idea what I’d do. I don’t usually drink when sad, but if it was one of my children or parents (still in their fifties) or sister, I don’t know.
I’m so sorry for all those of you who have suffered losses recently.
I took Ambien every night during the three months of my late husband’s illness, and for another three to four months after, too. I have struggled with insomnia at various times, and just couldn’t face that along with grief. I quit it when I realized I could probably sleep without it. For a while there, though, I really, really looked forward to taking it. Glad I don’t have addictive tendencies.
I would drink so much, for a long time. There are times when being dull is a blessing.
Drink, then drink some more. Well that’s from previous experience. I think next time I’ll forego any of that.
Never again, because if I did there might be another death. That road for me only goes in one direction and can only end one way.
Damn, Chuck! I’m so, so sorry 
hugs You don’t know me from Adam but I’ve been there myself this year, so if you ever need to vent, PM me. That goes for you too,** iftheresaway**.
As far as the OP’s question … when my mom died I was on autopilot through the funeral and packing up her stuff to bring it back here (several states away) and I got sick on top of all that. I went to my doctor, sick as a dog, and asked him for something for my nerves. He gave me Klonopin. That stuff is GREAT and helped me sleep. Nights are the worst for me. Which is part of the reason why I’m awake at about 4am. Was reading some of her old journals earlier as I was packing up the bedroom (we’re moving).
If I were to go through another unexpected death of someone close anytime soon, I’d probably check myself into the hospital. 'Twould be smarter than reconsidering my decision to not drink.
FWIW I think when one is in the first stages of grief – WHATEVER WORKS, as long as they’re not putting themselves or others in danger.
I didn’t know how to say this without sounding trite (and still don’t, but decided it’s better to say it anyway), but I am also very sorry for everyone who has lost someone recently.
I can think of a handfull of people in my life right now, that if they were to pass away tomorrow. Once, during that intial grieving process I can see myself getting blasted out of my mind to “escape” for a night. Not the healthy way of dealing with it but, cathartic none the less.
My mom died a year and a half ago, and since then I have been drinking quite heavily. After a nasty altercation with my daughter recently, I have cut down my drinking a LOT! I have drank twice in the last month instead of my “normal” 10-12 times. It is a good thing…feeling much better about life and coping with her death!
At my grandmother’s post-funeral meal, the hosts had pitchers of beer placed on tables around the room. I sat by a pitcher but noticed everyone else avoided the pitchers looking on it as disrespect or weakness, so I didn’t have a beer.
Can’t really drink so at the most I would have one or two as a sedative.
My wife died six months ago, and it has tested my sobriety mightily, but so far, I have resisted the urge. I know what ever relief drugs and alcohol offer is temporary, and I would feel worse the next day. The risk of spiralling downward is too great; I don’t have the strength for another recovery in me. I cannot predict the future, but for today, I don’t need a drink.
I have buried numerous aunts and uncles, two grandparents, one parent, one sibling, and several schoolmates. I did not feel the need for any substance use for any of these.
If were my own impending death, maybe.
But no, probably not for someone else’s.
My mom died in September and my sister and I drank a little every night while we dealt with the mess of settling her estate, which took about a month. So I answered “Drink a little.”
In circumstances where all parties are comfortable with illicit drugs, I have found MDMA to be very therapeutic for groups coping with the death of a friend. This has only happened once, however.
Honestly, in most circumstances where people close to me have died, there has been no change in substance use.
Heavy drinking and grief are a bad combination. Unless you are Irish.
Somebody, somewhere, will have an ativan or three.
Booze and weed tend to make me feel MORE rather than less, so I’d probably WANT a drink, and might even have one, but I wouldn’t expect it to help any. Hell, a dozen years ago I had a toothache bad enough for me to use my roommate’s weed to help, and holy shit did that backfire! >.< Didn’t use it for a decade afterwards, though that was probably just coincidence.
So, yeah. I really have zero experience with any type of drug making any kind of emotional pain ANY easier, and usually worse, so…I’d probably do nothing. I’ll choose ‘drink a little’, though, just in case.