I’d only like it if the people who gave me feedback were qualified. I mean I have friends who won’t contribute to booze supplies at a party and I couldn’t take it if they bitched at me for my tipping policies. All people are different and what one person sees as a short coming on your part could very well be a plus for someone else.
Cheap - frugal
strange - unique
obnoxious - boisterous
boring - calm
In defining you, they define themselves.
If I thought I could change what people didn’t like about me, maybe. But I don’t. If people told me what they really thought of me, they would just say I’m too fat, thin-skinned, gloomy, and unkempt. I could sort of change some of those things but I don’t think it would get me anywhere. I could be a skinny thin-skinned gloomy person who is overly concerned with physical appearances. I know a lot of people like that and they don’t seem any better off than me.
Our honest thoughts about each other are way too destructive to ever be expressed. They should be left alone in some forgotten recess of the brain, where with a little luck they will starve.
Really though, I would want people to tell me. And some of them do. It makes it a whole lot easier to live around people when you are open with them.
I think that as long as I’m happy and have people who I am certain care about me - no.
Addendum to my first post: The opinions (asked for or not) given between my friends and I range from things as simple as “does this make my ass look fat” to things like “am I being a good mother?”
We’ve all been in situations that were pretty damn important to our lives, and when I’ve felt the need to ask my friends, “Am I being a total cunt, here?” they answered me honestly, whether I was or wasn’t.
You should be able to trust your friends to help you see the parts that you can’t, and help you figure out how to work with what you have.
I already know what people really think about me. My friends and I have always been honest with one another, and we try not to say things in a negative manner.
I have also been exposed to some not very nice criticisms, from people who were not really my friends. One of my real problems is low self esteem, so hearing bad things, even when I know they are unfair, hurts a lot.
Yes, I would want to know…not that I am about ready to make life changing alterations, however, the thought of someone not being honest with me is bothersom. I must admit I have recently held back the truth from a friend. I had the chance to tell them what I honestly thought about them…their positives and negitives…and failed. How do you tell someone that you don’t like the way they look or the way they are so controlling (most of the time!) Without hurting them? Why are we always so worried with what everybody else thinks anyway?
My close friends and I are pretty honest atm. Did I say honest? I meant blunt. But ** completely ** honest?
I’d have to say yes. I’d be curious, especially as I doubt anything they could say would be worse than the standards I set myself. I’m a very harsh self-critic. But even putting that aside it’d be a good exercise for improving oneself.
However you’d need to remember that it’s subjective and just because a friend (even a close friend) says something doesn’t mean they’re right. Nor because you immediately disagree with them are you correct. You’d need to keep an open mind and explore all the ideas and statements that arise. And - most importantly - be completely honest with yourself.
Now that last part presents a problem. I think most people aren’t totally honest with themselves. But that’s a rant for another time…
I would say yes, because I know that all of my friends are rather insincere (in that nice, polite, “let’s not get into that subject” way) and I tend to get most of my ego support from them. So I’d like to know how much of they say is crap, and how much is heartfelt. Also, it’s fun to know what random people think of you - sort of gives you an idea of what a person walking down the street would think as they look at you.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Fretful Porpentine *
**No thanks. Been there, done that. In retrospect, I did learn something useful
Yes, I did learn something useful, don’t believe everything people say to your face…because it’s not all true. When people say they’re telling you what they truly feel about you…I think to myself, who cares??? I don’t really care what they think about me. They wouldn’t dare think about what I really think about them…well, enough evilness. I just don’t always want to know
I’ve been ignorant, and found that tough love is generally the way to go.
If I’m being annoying, I’d rather know so… my goals, after all, in life is to
A> be pleasant to be around
B> make people around me laugh
C> get as much sex as humanly possible
And I’d want to know if theres something getting in the way. (Ok, those aren’t really my life goals… but I do prefer knowing something about me that people don’t like… then people just being politely pissed.)
Screeme
In all of my relationships, with friends, family, and SO’s, I’ve always tried to live by the rule that if you love someone, you accept them. No one is perfect, and if you try to change to fit someone’s definition of perfection than you will fail. Say a friend tells me I am cheap, so I start spending a lot of money. My mom would tell me I am extravagant. So I just try to please myself.
No, I would not like to know. Actually, I think in all of my very close relationships (about 6 - people I have known for years and love) I have a definite idea about what they consider my flaws. And I know what theirs are, but accept them as part of the relationship. It’s a balance. I know my friend Susann thinks I talk too much, and when I am around her I try not to talk as much. But I’m just me, ya know? I can’t change completely. My best friend Kenny loves that I talk so much and tell stories.
Also, say I have my own laundry list of what I consider my flaws. Then a friend opens up and contributes ten things that really bother her. Now I have ten more. I doubt I’d say, “Oh, Tina thinks my lack of common sense is my biggest flaw, so I will completely forget about my controlling, anal-retentive nature.” Nope, I’d just have more shit to worry about. Who needs that? I think becoming the best possible version of yourself is a personal thing, not a group effort.
Still, sometimes I wonder how people view me physically. I know I come across as outgoing but introspective (as in, I am a huge flirt but sometimes I eat alone and read poetry instead of joining my friends). But I would like to know what physical things people notice. Are they like, “God! Her hair is scary!” or “She needs some zit cream!” But I don’t know if that would be completely beneficial either.
In the immortal words of Lil’ Kim: “If I were you, I’d hate me too.” 
You have described my life Swim.
I demand that people tell me whats wrong with me. I come across as a know it all some times. I know this, because people tell me that…I don’t do it on purpose of course, but sometimes I come a cross like that.
You see, my philosophy is simply this…if I’m not told differently, I’ll continue to do as I have done.
You need some tough love from family and friends every now and again if you want to grow.
I teach my children the same thing…I tell them its ok to get mad at their Dad…I’m not perfect, and I’m going to make mistakes. My kids do get mad at me and the show it. I think its healthy.
I just caught Saint Zero’s post…If it’s done in a constructive manner, it’s healthy…any old schmuck can run someone down. I look at it like you’re helping me to be a better person.
It helps to have thick skin. I’m a radio announcer…so I’ve got hundreds of people telling me that I suck and that I’m the best thing that ever hit the air…
Take it all in stride…and don’t take it personal…(when it comes to your on air ability!!)
No and Yes.
No, because I really don’t need any more blows to my fragile self-esteem. I think I’d rather live in my fantasy world were all my friends like me and find no faults with me. (at least a little longer)
Yes, simply because I’d like to know when people are being sincere. My husband claims that I can never take a complement at face value. He’s right. There’s always a little voice in the back of my mind saying: “they’re just saying that because…” Sigh. I hate being so insecure.
Those nearest and dearest to me have no problems letting me know what they think of me. The key is letting someone know in a positive way, IMHO.
The only person i could take if from would be my SO. However, when we have done something similiar to this it always ends with hurt feelings and usually an argument.
I’ll second this:
NO, NO, NO!!
I much prefer being delusional.