Would you wear a t-shirt that said "I Was Raped"?

In My Humble Opinion
61

[QUOTE=olivesmarch4th]

Personally, I don’t want to think about rape, or be reminded of trauma, in the context of a t-shirt or in the middle of an otherwise pleasant social engagement. I believe it’s totally okay for me to feel that way. Whether a t-shirt wearer is actually coping in a healthy way is an entire other issue they need to figure out themselves.
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Absolutely. And yes, we’ve discussed this before and we agree - there isn’t one “right way” to feel or act or think about your experience or your healing. I apologize if it came off like I was saying you needed to feel emotionally neutral; that wasn’t my intent. I defined my moment of being “over it” as that moment when I realized I felt emotionally neutral. I can’t say what “over it” is for you, or even that you should ever be “over it”. That’s your choice to make.

This is the part I keep tripping over. No, I don’t think it’s okay* for you to think someone else may not be dealing with something in a healthy way because of a t-shirt. Unless you talk to them, you have no idea if they’re wearing it out of a healthy point of view or an unhealthy one. And, if you’ve talked to them, you may base your judgment on their words and actions, which is entirely appropriate, but again, has nothing to do with their t-shirt.

*Depending on what “okay” means. If you’re using “okay” to mean “it doesn’t matter what I think as long as I don’t treat them any differently,” then I think that’s probably hurting you more than the t-shirt wearer, and I’m not any happier with you hurting you than I am with you hurting someone else, but I admit it’s your right to do so. If you’re using “okay” to mean “correct” or “accurate”, I think it’s not okay.

PS - Boyo Jim, I thought that was hilarious as well. (Just in case I’m coming off as humorless here.)

62

[QUOTE=WhyNot]

This is the part I keep tripping over. No, I don’t think it’s okay* for you to think someone else may not be dealing with something in a healthy way because of a t-shirt. Unless you talk to them, you have no idea if they’re wearing it out of a healthy point of view or an unhealthy one. And, if you’ve talked to them, you may base your judgment on their words and actions, which is entirely appropriate, but again, has nothing to do with their t-shirt.
[/QUOTE]

At this point I think it’s pretty obvious my own discomfort over the idea and my feelings about someone else wearing it are inextricable. Whether it’s unhealthy for them or not, I don’t want to deal with the issue in that kind of setting.

[QUOTE=WhyNot]
This is the part I keep tripping over. No, I don’t think it’s okay* for you to think someone else may not be dealing with something in a healthy way because of a t-shirt.
[/QUOTE]

I think it’s okay for me to think whatever I think. It doesn’t mean it’s true, or that something ought to be done about it, it just means I’m thinking it. I have spent a great portion of my life beating myself up for my own thoughts and feelings, I ‘‘ought not’’ to be thinking this, I ‘‘ought not’’ to be feeling that. If I see someone with this t-shirt and my gut reaction is, ‘‘Huh, this person probably has some issues,’’ beating myself up for thinking it is only going to hurt me more. My thought exists regardless of my reaction to it. I can test that thought, investigate further why I think it, what about the t-shirt makes me uncomfortable, and challenge the idea that it’s not a healthy reaction with other evidence at my disposal, but the last thing I am going to do is tell myself it’s not okay to think my own thoughts.

Do I believe that every person who wears this t-shirt in a casual setting must necessarily be dealing with things in an unhealthy way? No, of course not. Am I capable of challenging my own gut reactions and accepting new facts and assimilating those facts in the formation of a new opinion? Absolutely. Does my own emotionally raw opinion matter all that much in the grand scheme of things? No. Am I hurting myself? I really don’t think so, anymore than I am hurting myself when I notice someone in the ladies’ bathroom excessively washing their hands and think, ‘‘Hmm, this person is probably OCD.’’ Maybe eventually they’ll turn to me and explain, ‘‘I just spilled sulfuric acid all over my hands.’’ :smack: My point is, situations like this don’t exist in a vacuum, though that’s often the trap inherent in these kind of threads. Context is everything.

63

Another for the “I’d wear it for a defined awareness-raising event, but certainly not for general clothing purposes” camp.

Also another for the “I’ve told more people on the intertubes than I have IRL” camp.

JRB