Sometimes I think that Chick has the secret agenda of making Christians everywhere look like morons.
Damn, what type of incompetent military leaders would actually fear an upcoming battle to literally be…::drum roll:: Armafuckingeddon? I can imagine the CENTCOM briefing already…<fade to dreamy sequence>
Somewhere in Qatar…
Reporter: General Franks sir, what is the current situation in the theater?
Franks: Well, the Iranian forces appear to be mobilized along the Iraqi border…
Another reporter: Sir, what has occurred in the Kashmir region?
Franks: Apparently, Indian AA guns downed a Pakistani transport that was allegedly importing Islamic militants…
Frightened reporter: ::nearly hysterical:: What are we to make of all this?
Franks: Well, political analysts…ah, fuck it. I’ll be frank, no pun intended: we’re headed straight towards Armageddon. This is the Book of Revelation manifesting in the flesh, people. We’re utterly doomed. I mean, you’ll be hiding from deformed locust beasts any moment now. I’ve alerted our carrier groups to be prepared for 1/3 of the seas to turn to blood, as a precaution. I mean, we’re outright fucked here, people.
</end dreamy sequence>
Heh. I remember that kid. Can’t find him though. :-/
I’m sure others will point out the usual Chick stuff; I’m actually happy about this one. Look how important the UN is! Kofi gets blowed up real good, and the whole world goes to heck. Now that’s influence. 
Another classic love, light, and hope fest from Chick.
“…murder, plagues, witchcraft, cannibalism, Satan…in complete control…”
That sounds like half the parties around here.
I can feel my toes roasting already.
No, this one really is right on the button; I know Jack Chick is telling the straight truth because, you know that Dr Ngaba bloke? Well, it turns out that he really has been assassinated, IN REAL LIFE.
His only son emailed me about it - he said I would be richly rewarded for helping sort out the late Dr Ngaba’s finances, apparently I get to keep 25% of the 335 million US DOLLARS.
I can’t think of any reason to call Bob for anything…unless I somehow found myself with an extra ticket to Hairspray: The Musical. (Do you think he looks that much like John Waters in real life, or is that just Chick’s repressed homosexuality coming out? 
)
And what’s with this “dialogue”?
Yeah, I’m so sure all Catholics interrupt any mention of Jesus with a total fricking non sequitur about the Virgin Mary. :rolleyes: Chick must have met about zero Catholics in his entire life.
And how about this remark from the professor:
Well, I would have called it a wild fish tale, but regional euphemisms aside…why in the world would a college professor be talking about some bible story?? Any professor at my school who took time out of whatever lesson he was teaching to point out to college students that some bible story about a whale eating a guy was apocryphal (non-biblical meaning of the word) would probably end up losing his job for consistently wasting students’ time. Yeah, I bet marine biology professors are just itching to finish their whale lectures by noting with glee that the Jonah story is false, and then cackling with wicked glee at the thought of having burst the bubble of the one kid in class who somehow managed to be smart enough to get into college but who might still thought it was a true story. :rolleyes: And any class in which they would properly be discussing bible stories, such as the Bible as Literature class, already presumes that college students are smart enough to realize these are just stories, but for the sake of not offending any potential extremists takes no position on the truth/falsity of anything in the bible.
Does Chick really think college professors are out to get Christianity, that they spend all their time turning people into athiests?? Heck, they don’t discuss religion in college outside of a history or anthropology class. The academic world just doesn’t give a crap about god anymore, it’s not an issue. God is 19th century. Even in a philosophy class, you rarely discuss god(s) at all, unless you’re taking a class on an older period of philosophy. Even mentioning god(s) in contemporary philosophy is sort of considered bad form, because philosophers these days don’t care to address the question at all. So contrary to what Chick thinks, there isn’t an army of god-hating anti-Christian crusaders teaching college students to hate Jesus. College professors probably couldn’t care less either way.
I particularly liked Bob telling us how patient God is, and won’t start the Rapture till the last person is saved.
So this implies that God already knows who will be saved and who won’t. What happened to free will? I thought God gave us free will. If he already knows who will be saved, can’t he just cut the future believers some slack? Just cut to the chase and get the Rapture over with already. I’m tired of literalists harping on about it.
"Jesus broke this terrible news."
“Reporting live … from Jerusalem … this is Jesus of Nazareth.”
Maybe Bob’s a Methodist, (or whoever that early group in Austria who were predestinationists turned into? Was that Wesley or did he come along later?)
Hell, my most liberal professor was a devout Christian.
Oh wait. He was Catholic.
Oh shit, it was a Catholic college.
Oh fuck, he was a liberation theologist!!!
Well, screw it, I’m fucked.
You’re thinking of Calvinists. I don’t know what branch that would be, though.
From thence came my nightmarish mental imagery concerning Mr. Chick’s sex life.
Of course you are. You’re Catholic. Burn in Hell, you Whore of Babylon worshipper!
I would try to talk you into converting to the “true” faith, but I’d much rather try to talk you into bed. You know, since you’re fucked anyway, what’s the point of being sinless?
Sinless? That’s one thing I’m not, sweetie.
Hell, I need some sins, keeps confession interesting.
I liked the grave in panel thirty with the heading “…and the dead in Christ shall rise first”. Looks like the corpse launched out of there like a rocket. I would hate to be one of the non-believers in the cemetery when all the graves start exploding with dead people.
You know, that’s kind of a phallic symbol, now that I think about it.
Well most colleges dohave Religion departments (my major).
Religion in (non-religious) colleges is presented acadmically. You get history, theology, and comparatives but it’s never presented devotionally, it’s just straight, factual data about the materia. If theological debates were discussed, it was just presented as “this is what this side thinks, this is the other side.” You had to be able to articulate what the debate was but you didn’t get graded on your opinion. Every professor I had (mostly Christian, but the Eastern Religions guy was a practicing Buddhist) were always very careful not to appear to endorse any specific side in a debate.
Coincidentally, I did have an OT teacher who said that Jonah was a “folktale.” He didn’t chop it up with scissors though, an it wasn’t derisive, it was just an explication of genre.
I think what gets guys like Chick so hot is Biblical criticism which shows things like literary dependency in the gospels and tends to raise challenges to Biblical inerrancy.
We had to learn the two source/four source theories of the gospels, but no one was required to believe them. You just had to be able to explain what they were.
Bible stories tended to be presented like other works of literature. What is this story about? What is the message? Why did Moses say such and such? The literal truth of the stories was immaterial to the discussion. If you took a test which contained an essay question about Jonah and the whale, and you turned in an answer that said that Jonah wasn’t real and that he didn’t get swallowed by the whale and so the question is meaningless, you were going to fail the test.
I never saw any hostility towards religion, I never felt that Biblical criticism was an attempt to discredit the Bible or “deny Christ” or some of the other things that typically get said.
Even the fundie students in the class (after a little initial feather-ruffling) came to appreciate these classes and did quite well in them.
Uncle Bob’s eyes still have that vacant stare. Is he on drugs or something?
Heh, that was my first thought, too. Looks like an MX missile launching. Ooooh, perhaps Armageddon will be unleashed when NORAD mistakes rapturees for ICBMs ?
Oh, and I love the last line of dialogue: “He… takes control and rules the world - and we’ll reign with him.” Suddenly, the motives became soooo much clearer.
And I too, want to know who the blind psycho-scout is!
I really like Catholics, if I were Christian that’s what I’d be. All that tradition of thinking, the fact that they actually have philosophers, puts them above the Chick types. I just hope they never let women be priests, they have reasons for that stuff it’s not just something they pulled out of their asses, stick with tradition, don’t cave! I had to listen to so much gender deconstruction theory in college, I want genders reconstructed, dang it
Well, I thought that the 4 gospels drew heavily upon some mythical text called “Q”, well at least the last 3 did, so maybe Matt was legit. I think anyone who’s read the bible realizes John is the least reliable, it’s full of what’s clearly just John’s own opinions and interpretations, it’s just his own theology manual constructed out of whole cloth, I can’t imagine anyone who reads all the gospels and still takes John seriously. John was written like 100 years after the fact, so why is his stuff any more worthy of inclusion than that Jew who wrote some stuff about the same time, the guy who was the first to ref Jesus? That ougghta be a big question for protestants (Chick included), since they clearly reject the Catholic council that chose the books of the bible.