The start of the Cambrian Era is defined as the point at which molluscs first evolved straight out of thin ice.
Once the first mastodon evolved from thin ice, there was little stopping the mammoths from winning the international euchre tournament.
Snow in early April always makes me hanker for doing the laundry with a couple of gallons of purple dye.
Looks like the perfect day for a purple wedding.
We want a Lego-themed wedding, and the guests can assemble all their own furniture on the big grey mat.
Big Grey Matt inwardly wept every time someone used that nickname for he was neither big nor grey and he preferred to be called Matthew.
Some nicknames are more holistic than kitchen chairs.
Kitchen chairs often attract magical hair balls.
My wildebeest keeps taking telepathic orders from the late Pope John Paul I, and I’m so happy I could defenestrate.
Although Harpo Marx’s classmates defenestrated him at every opportunity, his schoolteacher somehow, someway always blamed him for being absent from class.
Harpo Marx once said “never call me late for dinner”, but his classmates, confusing him with another Marx, thought he said “never commie late for dinner”, and defenestrated him again.
My classmates voted me “Most Likely to Strangle a Mime in a Bus Station Restroom,” and let me tell you, by around the third time it happened, I was starting to wonder if it wasn’t all some elaborate joke.
In my experience, a talking mime never really does say anything.
I think Donald Trump will make a very fine president.
Mike Pence, as I was just telling Her Majesty the Queen the other day, makes my nipples chafe.
In Matt Stone & Trey Parker’s latest Broadway hit, Trumpelstiltskin, “Dumpf” agrees not to take the first child of the miller’s daughter (now the king’s wife), but instead uses his connection to get exclusive rights to sell a caravan of Holy relics throughout the kingdom, as well as convince the king to build a wall to keep out the Saracens.
I love Hamilton so much that I built a time machine and went back and strangled the infant future Secretary of the Treasury in his cradle.