Hands in pockets, whistling softly, Bert and Ernie began moving away from the thread…
but their egress was blocked by several cases of matzoh, left there by Rabbi Yehudah ben Bezalel Levai of Prague, when he heard of the Golem’s presence in the kitchen.
“Why is this thread not like every other?” Asked Ernie.
Just then, Elijah knocked on the front door.
“I’m sorry as hell,” Bert stammered, “but I forgot the wine. I hope this isn’t going to be a problem, Mister Prophet, Sir…Perhaps some of these cookies we had saved for Santa…” “Oh G-d,” wailed Ernie, “we are so screwed!”
Remember: one sentence at a time!
“Not to worry,” said Elijah, borrowing the flamethrower from a genuflecting Lefty.
“Offer him the milk, too!” suggested Ernie.
“Wait,” said Bucky, “Did we use animal fat in making the cookies? 'cause we can’t give him the milk with them if we did!”
“Read the label,” I said, “Look for the hechsher, I said. Did you listen? No, you know everything and now we’re going to be fried by some Lubavitcher guy!” wailed Lefty…or maybe it was Ernie.
“Bubie to the rescue!” Sadie shouted as she burst thru the door, “I have hamentaschen and soy milk!”
“Hey, that’s great!” exclaimed the Prophet, taking the hat shaped pastries from Sadie and handing her the flamethrower, “Here, everyone take a gragger, and whenever I say ‘Bert’…no, wait a minute…”
The Prime Minister just rolled his eyes and sighed heavily.
Sadie pointed the flamethrower at the Prime Minister and told him “That was very rude.”
But first,
“Bert? BERT? You terrorist commie! Try and hurt my grandchildren, would you?” as Bert and Ernie fled in terror, the little old Jewish woman opened up on them, (rather inaccurately) with the flamethrower and continued in the same sentence, “Come back here, you schmuck and take your medicene like a man!”
Now back to our thread.
Unable to injure the fleeing Muppet Terrorists, Sadie returned her attention to the rude Prime Minister.
The PM decided there was only one way to handle a Bubie with a flame thrower “Your eyes,” he cooed, “are like a lake in the moonlight.”
Stage directions: Cue Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata.
Seeing Sadie distracted, Lefty and Bucky advanced on her slowly.
Stage Directions: Cue John Williams Imperial March from Star Wars.
Just then, 8 women in leotards and high heels tap dance their way thru the kitchen, into the living room, and out into the street.
score that