Write Like Rue. IF YOU DARE!!!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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or
It’s FairyChatMom’s Idea. Blame Her

It looks like this is it for me, online-wise. Not forever, just for the next little while. Not the previous while, since, as you know, I’ve been around. That would be why you remember reading some of the drivel I’ve been spewing. But now I’m going to be hip-deep in the middle of the move. (Have I mentioned? I’m moving. Not just me wiggling around in the room, but we (the whole DeDay family, not the Clan DeDay) have a new house and we have to take all our stuff out of this one and put it over in the new one. We’re contractually obligated.) So, since my computer will be, technically, in a box somewhere, I won’t be able to chat back and forth and just be generally sociable with you people. I’ll miss you like crazy, but sometimes you have to put up with a little inconvenience for gains later on. So they say. (Even though “they” tend to be pretentious bastards who should keep their yaps shut now and again.)

They also say “You can’t have your cake and eat it too!” But what they really mean is “You can’t eat your cake and still keep it back for breakfast with a little milk on it. Yum yum! Milky cake for breakfast!” That’s what they meant, but it’s not what everyone says they said. Which just goes to show you. I’m not sure what that shows you, but be glad is not some oogy surgical scar. Unless you like that sort of thing. Then I guess you’d be a little disappointed no one is showing you some oogy surgical scar.

But this isn’t about “they” or Them (which are giant radioactive ants) or cake or milk or surgical scars. This is about me. Or not me, really. It’s about me not being here. Don’t be sad, I’m going to a better place. (It has a two car garage and the yard is flat so it’ will be much easier to mow.) But while I’m gone there’s something you can do. Well, there are lots and lots of things you could do, but this is something specific. Well, it’s generally specific anyway. It’s not like I’m saying “You can only do this one thing and it has to be just like this!” since that’s not really my scene. And it would be stupid. If I was going to be that controlling, I would just do it myself and be done with it. I’m going to throw out an idea and you can make of it what you will. You can write like me. Pretend it’s a contest or something with fabulous prizes. (No prizes, fabulous or otherwise, will be given. It’s just for your own satisfaction. Which is like a prize if you think about it. And have a very low prize threshold.) You just write up something pretending to be me or pretending to be you writing like me. Whatever works for you. Make yourself happy. (But not too happy. Unless you lock your door first.)

Now here’s the thing: I’m not sure when I’ll have the computer back out of the box and (more importantly) hooked back up to the Internet. (Thanks Al! Owe you one!) So you could treat this like a regular Monday Morning Post and just do what you usually do and then next week, around Monday would be good, someone (and you can figure out who in advance or just race to be the first to post) starts a new Monday Morning Post thread next Monday (or so). Then you could all throw in your Rue-style Monday Morning Posts (you know how it works, just whatever you’re up to or whatever comes to your mind) and just see what happens. It’s a free-form kinda thing. (Just remember, no points off for spelling.)

I’ll let you know when I come back, so don’t worry about me. Or wait up. You don’t have to wait up, I might be a while. You could leave a candle burning in your front window. That would be nice. Not a real candle though, just one of those plug-in candle-like thingies. I wouldn’t want you to have a continuous fire hazard in your own home on account of me.

Just remember to use “Jake” a lot in your posts. I think that would be the only rule. I still think with a little perserverence, we can get “Jake” to catch on all across the country. Then next TV season, you’ll hear them using it on Friends. (Since next year is supposed to be the last season, we really have to stay on the ball here people.) Like in the first scene, Chandler could say “Jake” about something he’s happy about and then Monica would give him the ol’ Stink Eye (why he puts up with her, I don’t know) and then Phoebe could be using odd slang throughout the rest of the show. It would be great! So great it would be Jake! (It might even make me cry.)

So that’s the thing. As a Personal Challenge, you should try to whack together a Rue-style Post. Then either use it next week or just slap it in this hijack-fest. If you play your cards right this thread could last until I get back. And if you really play your cards right you won’t have to “go fish” or wind up the “Old Maid”. Now that’s something to think about. Isn’t it?
-Rue.

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I think that it would be best to nominate someone to write Rue’s Monday Morning Post, vote on it, and decide. After all, the way Rue has left it, there will be something like 50 Monday Morning Posts by every0one that’s ever wanted to be Rue. Do you people have ANY IDEA how difficult it would be to hijack 50 threads? I do have bills to pay you know. Not Bills, I paid them off last week, and they were very happy and decided not to break anything. I mean bills like mortgages and stuff. Plus the kids have to eat. Well, not have to, I understand you can live quite a while on water and no food. But they would start to complain, and then I’d have to listen to it. . .

I kind of figured that Rue would have asked me himself, I really thought we were better pals that that. After all, who else ont his board has permission to call him Rue Dawg? Not that slack bastard Exgineer, that’s for sure.

So, in the interest of making this thing fair, I nominate me. I’ll post a Monday Morning Rue thread like you’ve never seen. Well, almost like you’ve never seen.

I encourage everyone to vote for me, because I’ve been holding off on posting My Pus Filled Boil: Should my sphincter do this? thread. That can change people. And that’s not a threat, it’s a promise. If I were going to make a threat I’d say something like: “I know where you live, I’ve seen you in the shower, and I’ve got 500 megs of free web space.”

See I’m such a nice guy I feel like the issue is already decided.

Good luck on your move Rue!

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I second welby as a Rue stand-in! No reason - just because he volunteered first. OK, and he complimented my chocolate cake. But I’m not playing favorites. Plus I don’t wanna hear about his boil… And since I’m Rue’s #1 Special Friend and because I’m the obvious inspiration of this contest and because I’m in an overbearing, bossy mood this morning, I say the decision has been made!

Unless someone has another idea. I don’t wanna cause any hate and discontent. Like if swampbear wanted to do it, he could. And I don’t say that because he knows where I live. Not at all. Nope, never entered my mind.

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Feh. Like it’s hard to write like Rue. Ha. It’s damned near unavoidable, especially once he’s posted something. Sort of like making sourdough bread. You just need a starter for it. So I say we take some old MMTs and use the essence to seed new ones.

Also you can stop by and use our computers if you need to in the interim, Monsieur DeDay. We’re even Mac and PC friendly in our household. But you’ll have to share like everyone else. No hogging or someone will tell Mom.
I just thought of something else. You can use your Cincinnati Library card and log on at any of the public libraries around. Probably doesn’t hold for Mason/West Chester, but they should have something similar. In case you don’t actually want to come by Stately Shibb Manor.

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I want Angel Pants to do it. According to Rue, he’s already jakely jake, so it shouldn’t be much of a stretch. FairyChatMom would be good at it too, and she’s also a nice lady. Motherly, even. So I dunno.

Anybody but welby. I can’t stand that guy. He thinks he’s so funny, but he’s not. Okay, maybe he is, but it makes me mad that he’s funnier than I am. Jerk.

I’m gonna miss Rue. How long are we going to be Rue-less, anyway?

Not ruthless, welby, you moron. Ruth is somebody else.

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I like chocolate cake. I’ve never tried it with milk, but I guess I could. Well, of course I could, but first I’d need to get some chocolate cake, because I don’t have any around right now.

Wow. A fire tuck just went by, and it was pretty loud. Fire! Everyone! Fire!

Oh. I guess it isn’t anywhere near any of you guys in this thread, seeing how I’m in Canada, and you’re all off in foreign-type parts.

I certainly don’t nominate me to write the Rue-thread, because I can’t write like him for, oh, more than a paragraph or so. After that I run out of steam. Not literal steam- I’m not a train or something- just metaphorical steam.

So the rest of you can just fight it out. I’ll be over here napping.

:smiley:

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Well, that looks like it’s all cleared up. welby writes the Official Monday Morning Post and then everyone else could either go along with the gag and hijack it with impugnity, or post their own Monday Morning Post right in welby’s thread. Or not. Like I care.

Of course if someone were to just not want to have anything to do with welby (I’m not sure I’m going to emboldenate that anymore in this post, unless I do) for mean, hurtful things that might have been said in haste or jest or Albuquerque, they could start their OWN Monday Morning Post thread and then there could be duelling threads and whoever garnered the most posts wins!

I think then Ellen Cherry should then pin a medal of distinction on them wearing a bikini. Who wears the bikini can be settled later.
-Rue. (the judge-mental)

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Oh, something else important to remember. It’s almost as important to get up early and do this as it is to do it with style. That way I have something to read with my coffee. And speaking of reading, welby, when’s the next installment of The Place?

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psst, Rue - you forgot to mention the part where they all send me presents. We discussed that, remember??

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Oh, man, do we all have to give presents to FCM? I mean, that’s fine - I like giving people presents - their faces all light up, and they fiddle delicately with the ribbon, because they don’t want to wreck the wrapping on account of how it looks all pretty and all, except the whole POINT of the wrapping is to get torn off in a materialistic frenzy, and thrown jubilantly about the house. So really, they should just rip away, manners be damned, and find out what wonderfully jake (I did it! I did it! My first ever use of “jake” as an adjective!) doodad or whatsit I got them. Usually, it’s a giant Inflate Tree, or a seasonally dressed pink flamingo (for Christmas, the Nativity Flamingos are best).

And FCM is a super cool gal, and one very deserving of presents, if you ask me. So, I’d be totally cool with us all giving her stuff, except I don’t know her all that well, and what if I gave her a present she didn’t like? I mean, suppose I gave her a Virgin Mary Flamingo, and she turned out to be Jewish? Or maybe she was attacked by a flamingo as a small child, and has an irrational* fear of all members of the family Phoenicopteridae? Then, the Mary Flamingo would be a faux pas of the highest degree.

*Don’t mean to imply that FCM herself is irrational, just that childhood traumas can often result in unreasonable fears, which do not otherwise reflect on a person’s psychological wellbeing or understanding of reality. Or so my shrink tells me.

I guess I could just forget about the flamingos, and give her milky cake, because everyone loves milky cake. And the chances of her having been attacked by milky cake as a small child are pretty slim. Since, as I understand milky cake, it doesn’t really have a childhood. Sort of like those Greek gods and goddesses that were springing forth from their parents’ foreheads fully grown. I think Athena did that. And my mom thought childbirth was tough; try having a fully grown goddess spring from your brow!

Betcha Zeus was wishing he’d used birth control.
-Kn(jake)ckers

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Bah, Rue, you know I’m a genius. If I post a Monday Morning Thread it will be so stunning, so wonderful, that all other threads will be ignored. If that turns out to be wrong, there’s always the boil post.

And Ex, URL=http://www.mennonitemission.net/AboutUs/BoardOfDirectors/images/Alice-Ruth-Ramseyer.jpg]Ruth is and she said to stop pursuing her, because she’s happily married and too old for you anyway. Also, she has no interest in vienna sausages and cool whip. Frankly, (not Frank, he’s vacationing in France and also wants you to leave him alone) I think the whole thing is a little troublesome, but whatever floats your boat.

And Shibb, I was actually planning to post it this morning, The Place, that is, but I never got a chance to finish it over the weekend. I worked because stuff broke. Man did I ever work. Until 2:00 am on Friday. From 7 AM to 11:30 PM on Saturday. And from 8 AM to 10 PM on Sunday. On Monday I rested, sort of. I only had to work six hours Monday. So what all that means is that I’ll try and post not one, but two isntallments in the next day or so.

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Wow Kn(faux pas-less)ckers, I’m impressed. THAT was a truly wonderful post. Who else can put falimgoes, mile, cake, FCM and French (Uh, I mean Freedom) idioms into such a coherent whole?

Well done!

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If it helps, FairyChatMom once gave me a vibrating pig for Christmas. Just so you know what kind of gifts she finds appropriate.

Not that I’m suggesting that you backload a flamingo with a vibrator. That would be somewhat unnatural. I’m just saying, is all.

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welby is a good candidate for the “Write Like Rue”[sup]TM[/sup] thread. Notice the trademark. A “Write Like Rue”[sup]TM[/sup] thread should be trademarked. After all, it’s kinda unique writing style. Ok, it’s a just ramble on and on about whatever style, but it’s Rue style. Or is that Ruesque? We need a name for the Rue genre.

Ex thanks for the nomination but Angel Pants doesn’t want to start the “Write Like Rue”[sup]TM[/sup] thread cause it would have to be written early Monday morning to be all authentic and Ruesque cause that’s when Rue usually writes his posts. Sometimes he writes later on Monday or even on Tuesday, but early Monday morning is when he usually writes, so welby gets my vote cause then he has to write early on Monday morning.

Course, FairyChatMom [sub]I know where she lives hehhehheh[/sub] is usually up pretty early, so she could start it if welby doesn’t want to write the "Write Like Rue [sup]TM[/sup] thread early Monday morning. I don’t think any of the rest of us wanna write real early cept maybe Shib. I mean, since he reads Rue threads early on Monday morning, maybe he’d be up early enough to write the “Write Like Rue”[sup]TM[/sup] thread. Actually I get up early enough to write it to, but I like to read the morning newspaper (The Albany Herald, Motto: “We usually get it wrong and make lots of grammar and spelling errors but we publish early everyday so get over it.”) while drinking my coffee. I also like to sit out on my back porch and drink coffee every morning and my computer ain’t out there so it’s not like I could start the “Write Like Rue”[sup]TM[/sup] thread. And no, I don’t wanna change my morning routine, cause if I did, I might forget to do other stuff like remember to shave, brush my teeth, take a shower, put on clothes and go to work. I wear clothes while sitting on my back porch but I have to put on different clothes to go to work cause they wouldn’t like it if I showed up to work in shorts and a tshirt, or if it’s cold, sweatshirt and sweatpants, which is what I wear to sit on my back porch every morning depending on the weather. Course, when I get my backyard all privacy fenced in, I could sit on my back porch naked and nobody would know but me. I might do that just cause I’ll be able to.

The tree guy is supposed to show up at my house next Monday morning to get rid of all the pine trees (Yay! No more pine straw! No more pine cones!). When he gets done, the pool guy or guys are supposed to start on the pool. When the pool guy or guys finish, the fence lady or ladies or lady and man or men (the person I talked to was a lady, so I’m not real sure if it’s her or somebody else or somebodies elses who’s showing up for the fence part) are supposed to show up and put up the fence. Then I can sit around on my back porch (or sit around or in my pool) naked if I want. Oh! I’ll even be able to sit around naked in my hot tub too. Course I already do that. It’s on my back porch and at night I just make sure all the shades on the porch are pulled down and get in the hot tub naked. Is everybody enjoying picturing me naked?

I found this really cool outdoor bar at Sam’s Club [sup]TM[/sup]. (Lotsa [sup]TM[/sup]'s in this post. It’s antiquey looking wrought Iron and has four bar stools that swivel! It’s real jake! The stools have cushions so you don’t have to sit down on antiquey looking wrought iron. That could hurt when it’s hot plus leave little funny looking marks on legs, or if naked on your butt. Anyway, I’m gonna buy it. I need it for the pool. That and the swing I found at KMart. [sup]TM[/sup] The swing has a canopy top and is big enough for three people to sit in, which is big for a swing. It’s cushioned too. It’s made to sit outside so it’ll look jake by the pool. Now all I need is the pink flamingoes.

swampbear
student of the Ruesque school of writing

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Swampy, I have a 7 am conference call with India pretty much every weekday morning, so I’m up by 6:30 am latest, usually much earlier. But I’m normally reading with one eye, talking with the other, and getting the Shibblets ready for school with the third eye.

As for Rue’s writing style, perhaps the best adjective would be “rueful”. Or “ruesome”. Take your pick.

Back to Rue for a moment, if I may: we’re still on for the Bridge on the 14th at 11 am, is that correct? Just want to be sure before you go to silent running.

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Thanks, welby. I was afraid no one would notice my subtle reference to “falimgoes”. As we all know, as falim goes, so goes the nation! Hahaha! Typos are funny.

Hey, Shibb - I never knew there was such a thing as vibrating pigs! Maybe I can find some vibrating milky cake…
Sort of like milky jello…

I wonder if vibrating milky jello cake would be considered “jake,” or just “bizarre and icky”?
Kn(always pushing the envelope. The interoffice one, with all those lines for “name” and “department,” and the neat stringy closure thing)ckers
P.S.: On preview, I see a very nice post by Angel Pants. Very excellent writing there, and I like the idea of trademarking.
I would just note that I like pine straw. I don’t currently have much of a relationship with it, but a small child growing up in the New England wilderness, I had more than my fair share of pine straw to play in. You make it into a huge pile, and jump in it; it’s all bouncy and fun. The only problem is that it’s a little prickly. Plus, one time, I found a huge grub in my pine straw pile, and it scared the bejeezis out on me. So beware of grubs. But you should still play in pine straw, if you get the chance.

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For the record, Angel Pants is fibbing.

The Albany newspaper is called the “Times Union.”

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Kn(If you had to rake pine straw and pick up pine cones CONSTANTLY you’d hate pine straw and the trees that spawn it too)ckers, pine straw is a curse of Satan. Pine trees have become my personal scourge. That’s why they’re gonna be toast (well, pine chips) next week. I gotta get rid of 6 because of where the pool is going. I’m getting rid of the other three cause, well, it’s all that Satan and scourge thing, so they’ll be toast (or pine chips) as well. But fear not, this fall I plan to plant at least three of those lovely Bradford Pear[sup]TM[/sup] trees. They don’t produce pears, just nice white blossoms in the spring plus they turn all scarlet and gold in the fall and they grow big but not too big and make really nice shade. I have five of them now and I like em. I had six, but one got made into toast (Bradford Pear[sup]TM[/sup] chips) about 4 years ago during a thunderstorm. It got struck by lightning. Dang lightning! It coulda aimed for one of those Satan inspired scourges called pine trees.

swampbear

  • all giddy over gettin’ to be pine treeless next week
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Oh, Ex, just so you know, Angel Pants is not fibbing.

http://www.albanyherald.net/

The Albany, Jawja version is The Herald (MOTTO: We usually get it way wrong and can’t spell either but we publish everyday so get over it!)

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Geez! And here I thought I was the Queen Rue Imposter. And all I get is to pin medals, either wearing a bikini (perish the thought!) or pin a medal on someone else wearing one.

Oh, and I didn’t see this thread and posted to the last one. That wasn’t particularly jake of me.

-Ellen. (not going anywhere)