Okay, I’ll try again.
“It’s great to be here in Gettysburg, where Lincoln gave what may well be his most famous speech. I understand he actually lived here, as I’ve heard a lot about his Gettysburg address.”
“I love it here in Chicago, where Abraham Lincoln started his political life as governor of Illinois before being elected the President. Y’know, Andy Sandberg called Chicago “hog butcher of the world” which I can really relate to, since I’ve dressed caribou and like that. Anyway, as I look across the shoreline of this beautiful Lake Illinois, all the way over there to Canada on the other side, I look forward to the day when Americans and Canadicans alike can peacefully put aside their differences and live as good neighbors.”
- golf clap*
Phew! Thanks! 
I am delighted to be here in Washington D.C. celebrating women’s History Month!
It was here that men such as David Bowie and Steely Dan, through their star power and their music, brought to light the suffering of women all over the world, saying, “Look here dudes, these girls are equal to us! They need rights! Chill out and give them some!”
They, in turn, inspired powerful women such as Shirley B. Anthony and Bella Abzug to take up the cause and force record turnouts at the polls, much like my 2008 campaign did.
I stand here today, as a result of their efforts!
In case you don’t get the Bowie and Steely Dan references Suffragette City and Hey 19
No. The problem is that is opening her mouth in the first place.
I stayed awake once in History Class, so I know a lot. It seems history was discovered by the Assyrians, who were so horrified by this that they invented wheels and started invading other countries, a process the rest of the world has been imitating ever since. Then the Romans came along and founded a mega empire by selling Roman Meal. However, once the high school students got tired of being forced to learn Latin, they rebelled and overthrew the empire, which lead to the Dark Ages. People wandered around and bumped into each other a lot, which lead to nasty arguments and wars lasting hundreds of years. Then, Edison invented the light bulb! The Dark Ages were over!
But we still had to go through the Civil War. It wasn’t all bad, because Bob Dylan sang at the battle of Gettysburg and you can still buy his albums.
Of course there was that pesky event called WWII, but at least it lead to Nazi scientists in secret bunkers inventing the Ramones and Pink Floyd, who helped keep the Western world sedated through the Reagan, Clinton, and Bush Eras.
I can’t predict what idiocy she will spout next but I do believe that after she is elected President for Life, all books, except for the bible, will be burned and the bible will be rewritten by her minions and edited by her.
Look, Piper, this is the Missouri Breaks where Lewis n’ Clark finally caught that solid from God that made it easy goin’ to that Ohio River and such. Ya know, they coulda used I-90, but they knew they wouldn’t be famous and all if they took the easy way, so they had to climb over mountains and eat mules for dinner. And there weren’t any good snacks, either. It was goin’ rogue all the way, just like your momma.
Real Americans fought here. Real Americans like Betty Crocker with his coon skin cap and David Bowie with his Bowie knife. Real Americans stood up to the British and said, “You will not take the Alamo!”
Oh, no. I didn’t realize Bobby Orr was dead! At least it was in the service of defending us from those foreign St Louis-ers.
(Couldn’t resist, after realizing I did know of a statue with both feet off the ground)
So the editors of the Great Soviet Encyclopedia have emigrated to the US? :rolleyes: :(.
As a four year old friend of mine once remarked “Life exists because we couldn’t make it up.”
I want to be holding the mic when Sarah and Piper visit this Seattle museum exhibit
“So glad to be in NORTH dakota where the, uhhh, rains fell for years, uhhh, eventually carving out the faces of Presidents Franklin, Washington, Lincoln, and, uhhhh, Winston Churchill!”
Sarah Palin would never say that.
She would have to have heard of the Hundred Years’ War first.
Heathen.
The Theory of Erosion is just Darwinist propaganda.
Yes, of course. But in this unique case, God directed each individual raindrop across the erosionary gaps in order to complete its sacred work. It’s a miracle!