Write your own Star Trek episode.

So, while John Luc was stiffening his resolve…

The soft ache began to grow the moment Seven had disappeared behind the elevator doors. Beverley fought to restrain now herself just as she knew she would that night except, later, resisting restraints wouldn’t be permitted. Her darling Seven would see to that.

By lunchtime, the Klingons had re-cloaked (much to everyone’s relief – crew talk was of growers rather than showers) and Dr Crusher allowed the nurses 43 parts of one time frame in the forward Ready Room.

Alone, and unable to resist her carnal needs, Beverley slipped away to the little known, tucked-away-behind-the-scenery Ladies Room to attend to her own medical emergency. She’d studied Exploratory Internal Examinations in her first year at Starfleet Academy but not like this. Nor with a diagnostic, bi-molecular, cavity haemorrhage probe. Although self-maintenance had been expressly forbidden by Seven, surely her beloved would understand human frailty, the need for small comfort, the succour gained from a fleeting indulgence…

She didn’t hear the subject of her indulgence stride with her customary confidence into the Infirmary. Seven, complying with the Common Courtesy Protocol she had identified as prevalent amongst humanoids, had come to address Dr Crusher in person about a variation in this evening’s allotted enjoyment period. Quickly, Seven was able to locate the Doctors precise whereabouts by swift manipulation of the ships internal crew tracking systems.

Beverley sat astride the human waste repository unit, lost in self-gratification as her love burst in. Despite the subdued, recessed lighting programme, Seven instantly noted Beverley’s partially hidden face framed in concentration, the lower limb displacement, her mouth wide, tongue playing quickly: the almost fully absorbed probe just visible amid her closely cropped, heart-shaped, folic-based reproductive temperature-management system :

“This activity is not permitted. Cease immediately or I will be forced to take remedial action”

The stern words came too late, acting only to drive Beverley on, and on. Her body began to convulse, forehead lined in almost, almost, unimaginable equilibrium enhancement. Nearly, nearly…

“Whisper it too me, darling. Whisper it, whisper it and I’m yours. Anything, anything you want, pleeease…”

Seven paused, assimilating the information into her sub-erotica/humanoid/female/HubbaHubbaDoctor circuitry. Then, leaning forward, she took Beverley’s hand gently from the barely visible probe and began working it expertly, ever, ever deeper, around, lower, before finally, finally in those out-of-control seconds before release, Seven teasingly bit Beverley’s ear and breathed the words Beverley so longed to hear:

"Resistance…

is…

futile"

OH

MY

GAWD!!!
L_C has gone where no man has gone before. He just single handedly turned me into a Trekkie!! :eek:

‘cuse me, I smell something burning, or sumthin’. . . .

Janeway was pissed. Ever since that slut Tom Paris had broken up her relationship with Chakotay, she had found comfort with Seven of Nine. Now it seemed even Seven had turned on her, running off with Crusher on the night Janeway and Seven always set aside for their fun.

It was then she noticed a message was waiting for her. From Seven? Janeway smiled as she read it then hurried to the holodeck to reprogram her “Queen Arachnia and the Slave Girls” scenario.

So intent was she in her anticipation that she failed to consider two things: what was the Enterprise in its various incarnations doing in the Delta Quadrant and why was an old Police Box materializing in the corridor?

Hmm…

I hereby award fifty thousand SPOOFE points to London Calling.

<BUMP>

There’s really nothing I can add. I just wanted to bump the thread so more people would have a chance to read London Calling’s post!

Kirk: Dammit, Spcok, this is annoying!
Spock: Yes, Captain. Dopers are merely skimming this post, expecting another hot, seamy, lubricous literary effort by “London Calling,”
Kirk: I haven’t even counted who has the most lines. Is it you, or me?
Spock: I believe, Captain, that the Moderators, or “The Givers Of Pain” have rather arbitrarily decided to delete all of yours.
Kirk: !
McCoy: Well, what do you know. I finally got in the last word!
Kirk: ?
Spock: You are mistaken, Doctor.
McCoy: You have a large piece of broccolli stuck between your front teeth.
Kirk:
Spock: It will avail you little, Doctor. The last word is indeed mine.
Kirk:
McCoy: You green blooded son of a bitch!
(takes a Winchester 1897 pump and blows Spock through the wall) Well, what do you know! I finally got the last word!

Dammit, carnivorousplant, you should have had McCoy aim at Wesley Crusher! That snotty, sniveling, whiny little piece of humanoid trash!

“Hey, kid!” ,announced Han Solo from the Millenium Falcon’s intercom.
"Yeah, whassup?’, replied Luke.
“I just found this shuttle drifting without power. I’m gonna tow it back to Coruscant…theres a life form on board and bio readings are weak.”
“OK, I’ll hop in my X-Wing and meet you there.”

Later, in the medical center, the unconcious patient is being stripped of his uniform and prepared to be lowered into a vat of Bacta. The medical droid draws off a sample of the alien’s blood, and is shocked at the composition.
“Sirs, this is most unusual. This individual’s hemoglobin is not based on iron, but copper,” announced the droid, holding a test-tube of green liquid.
“There is little damage to his physiology, but his nero-pathways are beginning to degrade. The arrangement of his internal organs are rather unusual: nothing conforms to any species in either Old Republic, Imperial, or New Republic medical databases. Apparently a large energy surge collided with his spacecraft, draining it and his nervous system. This is consistent with encountering a spatial anomaly…such as a wormhole. Master Skywalker…I understand that with your Force abilities, you could reach out and sense things technology cannot…”
“Yeah, I get the picture,” replied Luke.
Reaching out, probing beyond the unconciousness, he touched a mind so perfectly ordered, he almost mistook him to be a fellow Jedi. Pressing his hands against the Bacta tank, he
gazed at the olive skin, the up-turned eyebrows, the pointed ears.
“Who…WHAT are you?” the Jedi thought aloud to the Vulcan.

A shimmering effect, and a human form clothed as the patient had been materialized.
“He’s a green blooded son of a bitch,” drawled the figure, “Now put down your antique torture instruments and let me save this man’s life!”
He glanced around the room.
“Oops, sorry. Wrong movie. Carry on. Beam me up. dammit!”
The figure shimmered and dissapeared.

I would add to this…

but I feel suddenly fearful.

OH, GHOD!

I’M WEARING A RED T-SHIRT!!!
I’M…AAAAIIIIEEEE!!! :eek: :eek:

Note–please send charitable donation in Bosda Di’Chi’s name in lieu of flowers. Than You.

carnivorousplant wrote:

Luke leapt back from the apparition. “A teleportation device!” he gasped. “But that’s impossible! What’s next? Weapons that travel faster than the speed of light? Ships that can maneuver and shoot while travelling faster than light? Deflector shields that actually protect what they’re shielding? Universal translators? Space ships that don’t maneuver like World War 2 fighter planes? You’ve got to be kidding me!”

He took out his light saber, flicked it on, and admired its green glow and awe-inspiring hum. “At least they’ll never be able to make anything nearly as cool as one of these!

In Star Trek? Are you mad?

SPOOFE wrote:

A typical hit on a deflector shield in Star Trek:

“Shields down to 80%, captain.”
A typical hit on a deflector shield in Star Wars:

“I’m hit!” <KA-BLAM!!>

No, no… THIS is a typical hit on a deflector shield in Star Trek:

“Shields down to 80%. Damage on decks 3 and 5.”

'Sides, you’re comparing apples and oranges… ST’s capital ships to SW’s starfighters?

…while Worf and Seven of Nine are having words on the Bridge, does Quark magically appear, asking Janeway for the time of day.

Suddenly, somebody says “We are being hailed on all freqencies Captian.”

“Oh great! Who is it?” admonishes the almighty Janeway.

“Quark the Ferengi.”

Kirk, to himself: These new crewmembers, these new story lines, they’re…so compelling…I…want to be a part of it but…I’m the Captain, damnit! I…have a duty to…my ship, to…my crew, to…overact in every conceivable way possible.

Spock, to Kirk: Captain…Jim…you are my friend.

Bones, to anybody who will listen: What am I, dammit? chopped liver?

Vader, sepulchrally: No, I am chopped liver!

Luke: Nooooo!

Janeway: Well, this is where I lean forward and, in a strong, yet feminine way, say exactly the right thing to make you want to blow my head off with a phaser.

7 of 9: Doctor Crusher, you may NOT play with my tubules.
until I say so.

Kirk, still to himself: No…no I am the captain, and…this is my ship and…god help me, but…I…love…her! But…she just…takes and …takes, and takes…(starts rubbing himself against a bulkhead)

Picard: Good God, man, this is outrageous! Data! Fix him!

(Data immediately and without any trace of glee whatsoever begins to prepare Kirk for an emergency combination lobotomy/neutering/legal injunctiuon from ever appearing on any form of transmission, ever, period.)

Spock, in a rare show of emotion, throws his arms around Tuvok and whispers: Is it true what they say about Black Vulcans?

Tim Allen materializes and grunts like a chimpanzee until Sigourney Weaver appears and kicks him in the ass, shouting: Get off my mountain!

Yondan wrote:

TUVOK: “You mean, that we’re a cheesy minor token character from The Super Friends, with the power to change parts of our body into electricity at will?”

Riker: Captain there seems to be an infinite number of monkeys outside that want to talk to you about a script for Hamlet they’ve worked out.
Picard: Later! When I am no longer a penguin!
Troi from inside a gas mask : Damn that was some powerful weed! I must remember to thank Wesley when I untie him. Mr Data full speed ahead! We are going shopping!
Data: Aye aye Ma’am!
Spock and Tuvok: HOORAY! We are going shopping! We need new curtains!
[sub] … ummmm maybe I better stop here… copyright infringement seems to be the least of my problems…[/sub]

Spock: No, that they loan money.

How about an eposode where the crew of the Enterprise has to use bad science, all their wits, and great deal of luck to stop aliens from destroying the Enterprise/the Earth/ the Galaxy?