I have a truly “keen since for the obvious”. (Is that another way of saying that complicated things don’t appeal to me?) I can always recognize what does not belong, and actually have good logical reasoning skills. For instance, I can tell you, based only on this thread, that if you combine the superpowers of ChieffScott and Sn-man (Spacial Man), you would get one Hory Zapper Packer!
Sili
Just kidding.
I have the (heretofore unseen) ability to slam people. Unfortunately, I’ve never gotten to to do so online (AOL being my main online experience until recently); however, my SO can attest to the fact that I can look at a person, or a situation, see through the BS, and tell it like it really is, in a matter-of-fact tone that belies the nastiness of what I’ve just said.
I’m well known as the guy who can offend anyone, no matter what race or color. I offend white people, black people, asians and jews alike.
One of my best friends, who happens to be asian and a fellow musician, was talking about some new song he figured out on the guitar. I made a remark something like “Yeah, so what, Mr. AWE-32?”, implying that all asians are machines and have no real soul when it comes to music… I was joking, but I found out a few months later that he quit playing guitar the day after that because of my comment. I felt horrible. The next time I was in town, I insisted that we jam, and now he’s playing again. I feel somewhat redeemed.
-The Jew
First of all I have a chaos field that surrounds me so strang and interesting things happen to me. (My roomates used to think I was paranoid now they are beleivers)
I also have to power to unconsiously mispalce people stuff after I pick it up to play with it.
My final power is that at close range people get very nervous around me and have to leave. Some are immune but for most people this works very well.
I have the distinct ability to repel women. It is, in fact, uncanny.
Friends will take me to bars, and have me stand on the other side of the room, to drive the women towards them.
This ability also drives away Gay Men.
Mr. Cynical, I won’t believe that for a minute.
There are those who call me…Tim. And there are others who call Monotonous-Sarcasto Man! There are only a couple who do that though, only those who I have demonstrated my awesome power of being sarcastic in a monotonous tone to. With this incredible power I am able to…uhh…be sarcastic in my incrediabally unintonational voice to the enemy, therefore…ummm…making them confused. I am also know as Bad-Grammer-And-Spelling Man, and The-Would-Be-Superhero-That-Does-Not-Know-How-To-Shut-Up.
Since Mr. Cynical didn’t name himself, I propose “Repellant Man” as his new moniker!
Back home I had two friends who were X-Men addicts. One of them could belch the alphabet, so he must be The Eructator. The other was double-jointed and could contort his arms in a terrifying manner, so he was Mister Twister.
Then there’s me.
I can make sense of any kind of handwriting. 14th-century Latin script? Piece of cake. 16th-century scrawl? No problem. Smudged documents written with leaky pens? I’ve seen less legibly-printed newspapers. Handwriting attempted by drunk, stoned or worse students? Seen it all and lived to type it out.
So, can’t read that doctor’s perscription? Someone spill coffee over your annual report? Spent hours trying to make head or tail over the letter Grandma/Grandpa sent you?
Step aside, it’s…
THE PALEOGRAPHER
I have the power to make the suckiest threads ever, that no one posts in.
I seem to recall mentioning my uncanny power over technology in another thread. It’s real, if somewhat unreliable–but, hey, what X-factor is 100% reliable? I can coerce appliances in compliance, or cause computers to crash, with a look and a bit of concentration.
<bogus Marvel-file>
Profile:
Code Name–Snowcrash
Real Name–Kentral al’Del
Place of Birth–a shack in a Louisiana swamp, where his immigrant mother was tended by a shaman who vowed to drag the new technology back under the power of magic
Powers–manipulation of machinery
Weapons–a pair of gloves, one carrying a 40 kV charge, the other a 4 kilogauss magnetic field. Sometimes wields knives, enhanced by the powers of his gloves.
Source of Powers–unknown; possible mutation combined with magickal influences (or maybe just luck)
Weaknesses–powers distorted by close proximity of target to internal combustion engines
Affiliations–associated with SDMB’s School for Gifted Youngsters; possible alumnus
</bogus Marvel-file>
Even more unreliable is my (extremely, worthlessly) short-range psychic perceptions, which lead to such interesting moments as:
Balance: “Hey, what happened to the li-<power fails>-ghts?”
Group of friends: “WTF?!”
(I hadn’t noticed anything wrong with the lights when I spoke.)
Balance, watching “Poltergeist, The Legacy” with a friend for the first time (hey, he badgered me into it):
<watches priest peering at cryptic manuscript for a while, gets bored> “The fool! It’s obviously mirror-reversed Aramaic!”
<priest gets mirror, looks at script> “Of course, it’s Aramaic!”
<friend looks uncertainly at Balance, checks TV Guide–“new episode!”, Balance looks inscrutable>
It wouldn’t be half as funny if I believed in ESP…
I can blend into the background of any social situation, the ultimate wallflower, picking up other peoples’ conversations and they don’t even know I’m there. I’d be a great blackmailer.
When I choose NOT to blend into the background, I am Sarcastically Repellent Girl and, like Tim, am quite good at the monotone.
My mother calls me Action Jenn because I like to jump from moving vehicles and hit the ground running. I’m quite good at maintaining my balance. I once leapt out of the passenger door of my mom’s van at 45 mph, ran over to Hollywood Video, dropped our purchases off in the drop slot, ran back to the car, opened the door and hopped in before she’d gotten it slowed down to 30.
I have the ability to…well, my ability is…I know there’s something. Wait, I’ll think of it.
::sigh::
I guess I haven’t got one.
to Mr Cynical, my other power is that I am The Cynic. Or the Jaded One. Whichever you guys prefer.
Once, when a friend asked me, “Doesn’t that amaze you? People amaze me.” (it was about some human behaviour), I replied, “No. People don’t surprise me at all.”
I prefer to be pleasantly surprised than constantly disappointed. But nothing surprises me.
I have the amazing ability to bend my arms beyond what mere human elbows were designed to do.