Um, yeah, it’s one meal, one day. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow and realize that you can’t have EVERYTHING exactly the way YOU want it, 100% of the time. So you suck it up, go along, find something you can tolerate, shut the hell up about what you don’t like, and LAUGH about it (notice I didn’t say gripe)on the way home with your SO. Then go back to your little control freak ways when you’re back in your own life and back in charge. (I say “control freak” in a sympathetic manner because I AM one. I have trudged my way through many less-than-appealing dinners, without public comment on the awfulness of the food, in the name of sociability. Tomorrow is, after all, another day.)
There are some restaurants, I kid you not, where I can’t eat ANY entrees, and most side dishes are right out, too. If I DO eat those particular dishes, I’ll be in agony for at least two days, and possibly as long as a week. Not fun. Sure, I could go ahead and just order dessert, but I’m diabetic, and I don’t enjoy damaging my body that much.
I’m glad that y’all have such robust digestive systems. I wish I did too. But I do have a dog in this fight, and when I was younger I would meekly go along with the group and suffer afterwards. Now, I’ll refuse, and if someone thinks I’m an asshole, at least I’m an asshole who will be able to sleep, instead of being in pain for days.
Well, since Mott responded so openly, I’m willing to change my viewpoint a bit … since this dinner was the Saturday after Christmas, the FIL wasn’t demanding Christmas Eve or Christmas night and so he wasn’t forcing the man out of his home on a holiday … and that was a big sticking point of mine. So, big points for you, Mott!
It seemed as though the SIL was just letting some resentment show through … whether it was because he honestly didn’t like the restaurant, didn’t want to go to dinner, etc. But I must admit, there are some people who just aren’t happy unless they’re making everyone else unhappy. So, if this is the case, then perhaps the SIL is just a prick. Still boils down to communication though … it was rude for the SIL to be pouting through dinner … there should’ve been a discussion WAY before Saturday evening.
Back to the side argument going on with other posters … I still believe a man has a right to his own traditions in his own home. This bit about “only the wife brings her traditions” isn’t fair or practical or realistic. My husband has definate views and traditions … and I have definate views and traditions. We celebrate mine with my family … his with his family … and a wonderful blend in our own home.
Well, OK, Lynn, I wasn’t considering medical issues. I did not mean literal suffering! But surely a medical/digestive problem would be a valid point to bring up in the discussion of where to go out to eat – with “bring up” meaning to mention it in a clear and factual manner, not to pout and sulk and generally act like an ass once the group is already at the restaurant. I would want a vegetarian to speak up if everyone else wanted to go to a steak joint, and I would want someone with medical issues to do the same.
My post was more with whiny control-freak types in mind. Such as the son-in-law in the OP. If his “suffering” consists solely of having to eat at a restaurant that was not of his choice, I say too bad for him and grow up already.
Why did you disregard his suggestions for the restaurant? There’s a few places in town I won’t go to – bad neighborhood, bad experience with the staff, etc.
Why is it so terrible that he asked for a dry burger? Unless you went to a fast food place, it’s a perfectly reasonable request – and even at McDonald’s it’s not unreasonable to expect to receive your meal the way you order it the first time.
Probably he’s not, say, allergic to mustard. I know it makes me gag like you wouldn’t believe, but I’m not allergic to it. Why should he have to eat food he despises? Why should he be miserable? Why is his displeasure with his meal ruining everyone else’s night? I know if I have food at a restaurant that I’m not satisfied with – underdone or burnt or just not to spec – I will send it back as politely as I can, even if someone else is buying.
If you were COOKING for him, it would be a different issue entirely. But you aren’t.
And moreover, why is it required that things be done your way, Mott? I’m not saying you’re bad or wrong or that your tradition is stupid, but why is it required that every year YOUR tradition is the one that’s followed? I feel it rather likely that S-i-L feels marginalized and that his opinion is unimportant. Why not give him one year – or perhaps one holiday when all the family is together – to be the Provider? Let him buy dinner for everyone next year, and let him pick the restaurant. It will do no harm and possibly a lot of good.
That’s weird. I say that because I’m vegan and can find something to eat, anywhere. Hell, my thoughtless co-workers have taken me to Black Angus (a steakhouse) the last two years for lunch on my birthday since they had gift certificates (another coworker works there as a side job). I didn’t say shit because they were taking me out and I was being gracious.
But if a vegan can find something to eat in a steakhouse, it boggles my mind that there are certain places a diabetic can’t eat anything in.
I’m not accusing you of lying or anything, I’m just genuinely curious. What kind of places can’t you find anything to eat in?
Lezlers, her digestive problems (other than the dessert) might not have anything to do with diabetes. My MIL can only eat certain foods because her digestive system as problems with nearly everything, and she’s not diabetic. Maybe Lynn has ulcers. Maybe she’s lactose intolerant. Maybe there’s an alien living in her stomach that rejects all food except broccoli, who the hell knows?
Mott pointed out that this was the Saturday after Christmas, and that SIL spends every Christmas day with his mother. Celebrating his family tradition. So why would it kill him to celebrate his wife’s family tradition a couple of days later? Sounds to me like both family traditions are being observed, and not all on the same day (which would a welcome change for some friends I’ve had who’ve routinely had to eat two Thanksgiving dinners, two Christmas dinners, etc. because neither side of the family would give an inch on whose turn it was).
Lynn’s digestive problems aside, my take on the whole thing is that SIL is just an ass in a restaurant. He knows better than everyone else what should be done, according to his internal five-star standards that he then tries to impose on a two-star restaurant. Which makes him an ass.
People who are rude to service staff are just rude people.
I can’t eat more than a very minuscule amount of food that has capsaicin (sp?) in it. I can’t eat anything with black pepper in it. There’s a couple of chains (Blackeye Pea and Harrigan’s come to mind) around here that have their meat preseasoned, and a good deal of the seasoning is black pepper. They also have ALL their cooked veggies and side dishes preseasoned with black pepper. If I’m lucky, they might have a substantial salad that won’t have pepper in it it. However, a salad isn’t enough of a meal for me, I’m going to need more food than that or I’m gonna black out. If I eat a dessert, I’m likely to eat too much refined sugar at one go, which will shoot my blood sugar up to dangerous highs, and then it will plummet, so that I will get the worst of both worlds. I also can’t eat raw or or undercooked onions at all. Sometimes, if I get a burger or sandwich that has onions, and I pick off the onions because I don’t want to send the food back for whatever reason, just the onion JUICE will give me a reaction later on. This doesn’t always happen, but it occurs often enough that I’ll usually send back a burger or sandwich that’s been “contaminated” with onions. I happen to like onion flavor, too, more’s the pity. I can eat peppercinis, about two a day. I can eat some picante sauce, if I avoid the jalapeno bits, but I can’t eat too much of it. I also have a problem with eating too much greasy stuff. I have other problems, too, but this post is already too long.
When I say “problem”, I don’t mean a little bit of heartburn. I mean that for the next 2-7 days I will have extreme pain in my belly, a lot of gas that won’t go away, and explosive diarrhea. Medication doesn’t alleviate these symptoms. The only way I can avoid the symptoms is to avoid the food. Since I know that certain restaurants don’t have food that I can safely eat, I avoid those restaurants. My father-in-law used to scoff at my digestive woes, and so yeah, I’m sort of prejudiced about this whole issue. FIL used to advise my husband to divorce me if I was “so delicate” that I “couldn’t eat normal food”. FIL changed his tune when his son (my BIL) and a grandson also developed digestive problems, though I never got an apology from him. Ironically, he developed his own food sensitivities later in life. He’s dead now, and I can’t say that I mourn him greatly. Or even at all.
Sounded to me like a group choice with the SiL simply whining and not actually offering alternatives that the group found acceptable.
The dry burger was not uinreasonable (although being the last to order when that is all one wants is odd). It was also not unreasonable to send back the original incorrect order. The unreasonable aspect comes in when every order is deemed bad and a refund is demanded when one has not paid. The menu was on an overhead board. The expectation of 4 star cuisine is unreasonable.
Because he is making a scene to get attention. He made enough fuss with his second rejection to bring out the manager! Who needs to be stuck at a table with some ass complaining that a burger is not perfectly prepared?
To which he reponds with a hissy fit? That is a truly mature reaction. Given his behavior, I think his opinion is unimportant.)
Sounded to me like a group choice with the SiL simply whining and not actually offering alternatives that the group found acceptable.
The dry burger was not uinreasonable (although being the last to order when that is all one wants is odd). It was also not unreasonable to send back the original incorrect order. The unreasonable aspect comes in when every order is deemed bad and a refund is demanded when one has not paid. The menu was on an overhead board. The expectation of 4 star cuisine is unreasonable.
Because he is making a scene to get attention. He made enough fuss with his second rejection to bring out the manager! Who needs to be stuck at a table with some ass complaining that a burger is not perfectly prepared?
To which he reponds with a hissy fit? That is a truly mature reaction. Given his behavior, I think his opinion is unimportant.)
