I have several nieces and nephews; Brother 1 just married a woman with a 14 and a 12 year old, and brother 2 has 3 kids, ages 21, 18, and 17, the two youngest of which are still in high school.
Normally, we buy presents for everyone - parents, kids, the whole shebang. Nothing huge, but we do usually splurge a little on the kids and get them gift certificates and/or presents in the $50 range (which is considered fairly splurgey in my family).
This year, we all collectively made the decision that we weren’t going to exchange gifts. That’s all fine and good, and sorta makes sense because none of us are spending Christmas together. But it wasn’t really made clear whether it was just the adults who weren’t going to exchange presents, or if we were all going to continue to get presents for the kids. For what it’s worth, I don’t think that my brothers all bought presents for each others kids, but I usually do, since I don’t have kids of my own, and sometimes I wanna spoil someone.
So here it is, the day before Christmas. I drop off a coffee cake for brother #1 - not really a gift, more a Christmas tradition. I walk in, they hand me two wrapped gifts. :smack: So I’m standing there, looking at my niece and nephew, and feeling like a shit.
I boogie out of there and call my mother. Turns out she bought presents for all the grandkids. “But that’s because I’m a grandma,” she says “You’re an aunt, you’re not obligated.”
Still, part of me wants to run out and get something for the nieces and nephews. But the calculus goes even deeper if I do: if I get something for one brother’s kids, what about the other kids? And technically, in our family, 18 usually signifies the difference between “kid” and “adult,” at least present-wise. So do I get something for only the 17-year-old in brother #2’s family? The 18 year old is a senior in high school, and I can’t truly consider him an adult. And WTF? We weren’t supposed to be buying presents AT ALL this year.
Even more complicated is that brother #3 has a kid, too, who is a great kid, but brother #3’s wife decided she didn’t like Mr. Athena, so we’re estranged at best. Last year I got him a present, though, and sent it in the mail. <sigh>
This is just all too complicated for me. Are there rules to follow? What if the kids feel bad? Please tell me I’m not alone in not being able to puzzle out this idiotic social custom.