Make 'em walk the plank. We don’t want dirty pirates here.
Um. Hello. Drownin’ Norm here. um… Arrrr!
Ware, ye barnacle-bottomed dregs! Bloody Jack Flint be in command of the deck now! This vicious sea-dog has left more seamen layin’ on the poop deck
than all the jack tars in the roayal navy!
Harrrrrrrr! Privateer Bartholomew the Bastard Heart be on deck. Tremble ye cowards at me bastard heart. If I takes a likin’ to yer sorry hide I’ll be lettin’ ya call me Bart the Heart. Now, be there any gay pirates that fancy some rum and a little of the slap 'n tickle below decks?
Yarr, and how many “Talk Like a Ninja” days be there, I want to know …
I love this time of year when it’s time to pillage the towns, stampede the cattle, and ravage the women.
Except for that black hearted pirate, Hal Briston, who prefers to stampede the women and ravage the sheep. 
Sorry, Hal, I just couldn’t resist …
Ye all keep callin’ me name! I can hear ye just fine!
A pox on ye, ye blasted scurvy dog!
Dirty William Kidd reportin’ aboard.
Oh, good, you’re hear. Okay guys, start up the music.
I be
! And my fav-rit drink is a Bloody Mary Roberts! Made with rum! Arrr…
Pirate Ursula the Staggering Drunk will take one o’ them drinks, Bloody James Roberts!
<crash>
A pox on ye for moving the barrel like that!
What mean yye “We be still moored?!” That sea is heaving, heaving I tells ye!
Naught, I tell ‘ee, for they be as mum as the grave. An’ wi’ good reason, belike, all a-scuttle and a-scamper in the shadows like a pack o’ bilge rats, rot ‘em all for skulkin’ knaves. For if the stout lads o’ the seas - aye, and lasses too - do find ‘em, there be red slaughter done an’ we see if their vitals be as black as their shifts, or as yeller as their sneakin’ livers, God rot me bollocks else. An’ be damned to 'ee.
<raises giant glass unsteadily>
AYE! And they take their weak grog in those tiny little egg cup things! They make it out o’ rice, if ye can credit it! RICE!
<crash>
{Bellows lustily}
What shall we do with the drunken ninja?
Plug ‘im in the rectum wi’ a piece o’ ginger!
That’ll make ‘im break ‘is inscrutable silence
Show ‘im the true meanin’ o’ piratical violence!
Err-lye in the mornin’! Arrr!
{Crashes tankard on the table}
Yahr, I’m bumping this yere thread, for I’ve found a rare treasure greater than any of your shiny doubloons. Look thee well; aye, face thee full-on to this grand bauble I found at Archie McPhee: What Would A Pirate Do? Folder.
And for all of you landlubbers who favor the mystical arts of the far Orient, I do be showing you the answer to yer sweetest dreams …
Ahr! Yargh! Ahoy!
Yo ho, yo ho, and a bottle of Rum, and really bad eggs…
Peg-leg Peg, here. :dubious: (well, it sort of looks like an eyepatch…)
Whooee! Tomorrow I’m going to Gaithersburg to get my shipmate Fierce Cap’n “Carnivore” Christine. She allowed as how she wants to go to the Talk Like a Pirate Party with me at the yachtyard in Arnold, Maryland. She’s stayin’ the weekend for rum and fun and general piratical mayhem. (Not like anybody probably cares, but I just felt like sharing.)
Such a fine pair of pirate wenches we’ll be! Enough to put Mary Read and Anne Bonny to shame! Arrr!
Evil Jack here ye scurvy sons o’ sea cows. Shiver the poop deck. Batten down the purser. keelhaul the mainmast. Scupper the forsail.*
*I’m kinda new at this talk like a pirate stuff. How am I doing?
Twas listenin’ to the radio today and heard the date of TLAPD bein’ announced! The program was ‘All Things Considered’, from NP Arrrrr! 
Aye, they mention it every year. By the bowels of St. Swithin, don’t they have more important things to report?
Arrr, nae, ‘tis been as quiet as a ship marooned in the damned Sargasso Sea lately on this infernal spinnin’ globe, so no, there be nothing better for those chattering magpies to do.
HARRRRR! HARRRR! HARRRRR! Get it, me lads and lassies?! Get–
<crash>