Oh dear! I am so sorry that the little nautical charade the other Debu-pants and I were enacting has caused such a fuss! We thought it would be ever so droll to don naval costumes and promenade down the high street! We never dreamed that such a jolly lark would upset the other worthy ladies of the YOSDMNSOFPAD! I do hope it hasn’t caused you all too much distress. We’re frightfully sorry.
Of course, we can’t really be blamed for the behavior of those vulgar, hard-bodied, extremely masculine longshoremen or skippers or seadogs or whatever they were. We did look down our noses at them, darlings, and exhaled in a most emphatic manner in response to their strange, coarse slang, and when they began to pursue the charming Lady Kn*ckers and those other well-bred ladies who were out for an innocent constitutional we were all simply horrified. We immediately called for our carriages and came right back here to the club to have a hot toddy and tell you all about it.
Well, except for those among us who thought it would be jolly good fun to chase after some charming well-bred ladies too.
Gads! Such goings-on here at the Society as I have never seen! Let it never be said that we are not a lively bunch, that is for certain!
Tonight’s activities were going to include making intentional messes of the dining halls and then heckling the staff as they cleaned up our scraps, but I do believe that the promise of fisticuffs sounds much more…rousing, no? If Master Jontwick would care to join me, we should go roust ourselves some rapscallons for a bit of sport, eh? Methinks some of the gardening staff might make for good punching bags, and luckily I have on my sparring vest!
But before any sportsmanlike punches are thrown, I would like to introduce our newest members:
-Monicaretta von Lewinstoffinsky, who shows utmost charm and manners so that I cannot help but allow here mongre…errr…her beloved pet into our fine halls, as well. Just please, make sure he doesn’t make a mess on our carpets; the staff might mistake it for more brandy. And we don’t want that.
-Ah, Lady Knockabeth Ambiguosa Asteriskenfort, so lovely to see you! I am shocked and appalled that you were so…accosted in the harbor. Rest assured that your honor will be defended, if my fellow Fancy-Pantses and I have anything to say about it. And if we can’t find the sailors who did such unspeakable things to you, rest assured that we will find an appropirate scapegoat and pummel him accordingly.
With Blood that is Riled Beyond the Point of Return, and Which Can Only Be Satisfied With the Pursuit of Fisticuffs, for Glory and Honor in the Name of All that is Good and Moneyed, Sir Jestington Q. Pennywhistle, Esq.
Founder, Ye Olde SDMB Society of Fancy-Pantses and Debutantes
Fisticuffs! What a dreadful sport unless of course we DO find those salty sailors from which **Lady Knckers** lured, er, escaped*. I swan, such goings-on. When will it begin?
Discovers a fan below the windowsill whilst accidentally brushing past Jontwick Latherford Alpengorf and casting a discreet glance outside for erstwhile sailors
Why Lady Scotti, is this your fan? I do believe you dropped it over by yon windowsill… are you feeling somewhat recovered from your dreadful ordeal, Lady Kn*ckers? It must have been sooooo trying on your nerves. Tell me, did any of the sailors ravish - errrrr, touch your personage?
Goodness! My eyesight has finally returned after seeing that disrobed fellow run past. I must sit for a moment… (makes way to favorite chair and arranges skirts gracefully about her)
I had no idea that men were so diff- Oh help! I’ve gone blind again just thinking about it! (sobs daintily into delicate lace handkerchief)
Enters Stage Left: Doghouse Reilly a Pirate King; China Guy, his Lieutenant; and OsakaDave, a Pirate Apprentice.
Arrgh! So there you are, lass! Me and my maties here have just disembarked from a tea clipper we commandeered returning from the far Orient, laden with the finest Cathay silks and spices! Two years at sea we’ve been, with nary a glimpse of the fairer sex except for China Guy’s unfortunate incident with a manatee but we won’t get into that here. Would you mind letting a poor orphan–often!–set a bit here on yer lovely couch with his maties and let us enjoy o’ bit of the, err, coversation we ha’ant 'ad in our years at sea?
Well Bloody hell ! i’ll be the gawdy serving wench. * snickers as place the scones on the sidebar. Seems the fancy ladies are getting sleepy and a few sneaky gropes have found their way to my arse with an invitation to join the old cogers for ale in the master’s room. Ya fancy ladies arent so pleasant in the boudoir! Me raises me shirts and pick the gents pockets. Oh I do like this fancy party !