I bet God’s an astronaut prodigy with a meth problem at a bar.
And that you posted to the wrong thread.
Two words for your relationship with Helen - aim higher. She sounds like how girls act at 19. If she is 19, that’s fine - for another 19 year old. If she’s in her 30’s, that all sounds pretty immature.
But if you substitute the words “in God” with “that Ashley wants to date me” it sounds exacly like Cuckoorex’s position.
Well, had the movie with Ashley day; Ashley is not really interested in dating; when she gets done with school she wants to teach and maybe then settle down, but she wants to focus on her studies and maybe go out once in a while but she doesn’t want a “relationship” situation right now. That’s fine. We had a fun time and I’m OK with that.
So…and here’s where you throw rotten tomatoes at me…
Yeah, I got back with Crazy again. Lauren crazy, not Heather crazy. She finally explained what she meant by “commited but not exclusive”, and it was pretty much that she was trying to tell me that she’s interested in a committed relationship but she’s not exclusive right now. Those two words make a big difference, obviously. Another reason why texts are bad forms of communication. She told me directly that “I know I’m ‘broken’ and really, you should run as far away as possible from me.” This is the Super-Idiot part of me; I want to fix her, even though intellectually I know that’s a horrible, horrible move, I think this is why I keep getting drawn to Lauren; I keep wanting to make everything OK. There was one time that I met a girl at a bar and she was looking down and I started talking to her, and she just started dumping all of her troubles on me, and I was OK with that, because everyone needs and outlet for that sort of thing, and obviously she didn’t have that yet. She was a pretty girl, and I left with her, but only because I wanted to make sure (a) she didn’t drive and (b) that she got home safe. We got to her apartment, maybe a half-mile or so away, and sat down outside and talked, and then hugged and said goodnight and I’ve not seen her since. Next day, some people were talking about it, how I left with a pretty girl, and they were all “wink wink, nudge nudge,” but the reality was, absolutely nothing happened sexually. Wrong time, place, circumstance for that anyway. She even offered to let me crash on her couch but I declined. And this was a few months ago, so prior to the current situation. Point being, I tend to want to fix people, whether I am able to or not.
So now my main question is, how well can I tolerate dating Lauren? I don’t think I’m a *particularly *jealous man, but I don’t think I can pull off polyamory either. Maybe she’s just getting off on having the attention, or even getting guys to fight over her. A few times now when I’ve been out with her, she’s made it a point to try to make some other “boyfriends” jealous in some way. In the meantime, she IS fun to date, and if it wasn’t for the fact that she’s “exploring options” I wouldn’t mind having a casual dating relationship with her.
I’ll go out with Ashley once in a while, but she’s not really interested in starting anything serious for a few years at least, and chances are if she’s dating casually like this, eventually a bunch of guys are going to be competing for her, probably all of them closer to her age, and I don’t want to put my eggs in that basket. Yeah, I’ll have fun with her once in a while, but I really don’t expect more, and that’s fine.
“If someone tells you who they are, believe them.”
— Maya Angelou
If you chose to put your dick into crazy, don’t come back complaining when it doesn’t work out for you, friend.
I’m really getting sick of this so-called “saying” about sticking your dick in the crazy- but I have to agree, when someone warns you about themselves, you really should listen, whether they are a woman or a man.
In fairness, I also tell my female friends, “If you’re willing to stick crazy in you” and such. 
I’m an equal opportunity hater.
Maybe I’m a masochist.
When I look back at most of the relationships I’ve had thus far (with a couple exceptions), the common thread is a desire to nurture someone who has an obvious…searching for the right word…misalignment, and to heal them. I know we ALL have issues (obviously *I *do) so that applies to just about everyone. I’m not talking about full-on boil-my-rabbit territory, but more like needs-a-shoulder-to-cry-on. I know it’s self-delusion to think I’m in any kind of place to *heal *someone else of anything, but I’m still *drawn *to it. Right now I think if I met a well-adjusted woman (and maybe Ashley is pretty close, she has ambition and self-control) I would hem and haw and not know what to do; which is pretty much what I did with her for a while, though it turns out it’s not so much of a big deal after all.
Am I still going to see Lauren…? If Lauren calls me up and asks me to come over to her place for the night, I’m honestly not going to say no. But I’m not going to *initiate *anything with her. But I can’t not repond to her, either. I think maybe I AM a masochist at heart.
You do realize that you’re the guy equivalent to a woman dating a BAD BOY because she believes that TWUUUU WUVVV will change him, right?
If people in marriages and long term relationships have to learn to put up with minor shit like leaving the toilet seat up, never quite closing drawers or leaving socks on floors, how the hell do you think you can have big shit change permanently?
Looks like you’ve got the grammar rules down pretty well! 
Yeah, the thought crossed my mind a few times. But I don’t know how to behave otherwise; every other approach is me ACTING, it doesn’t seem real to me, so I’m sure it’s not real to anyone else. So when I think, “I should be more assertive” I kind of fumble around and come off like a pushy asshole, but then not only does that get me nowhere, it makes me feel like a jerk, and I’m not sure how to bridge the gap, to not be the “pseudo-gay friend”, not the controlling asshole, but also not the “backwards ballcap wearing, USA! USA! NASCAR!” type of guy that I think is ridiculous (this last description fits the guy that married the other girl I liked before, the one who treats me like a surrogate husband, but without the sex). Or the suave, jacket and tie guy, who orders a drink with scotch older than I am, and has a permanent “Blue Steel” look about him. Yes, I watched Zoolander recently.
I’m still committed to spending WAY less time looking for love in bars, though. I think if I cut that out for a while, it’ll help.
It’s a
[quote]
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4vJGrJLmGA&feature=related) from a show; I know the tense makes no sense.
One thing that strikes me about what you’re saying is something that a lot of people go through in their 20’s - trying to fix somebody for a while, then getting tired of getting drained dry and all the drama and finally moving on to someone they don’t have to fix. A woman you don’t have to fix will be a partner and a companion for you - does that interest you at all? Maybe you need to go through your “Mr. Fixit” period first.
You don’t have to “act” to simply avoid people who are no good for you. You don’t have to fake anything, or be more assertive, just don’t see her.
It seems you’re not really interested in ANY of these women. They are making advances towards you and you’re not taking it further. If you had strong feelings for any of them you would. You’re an attractive guy and a safe person for them to talk you, so they end up in a semi-flirt situation with you because you won’t advance.
Duck season! (I’m not quite sure I understand your choice of words there.)
YEs you do: you have to act like you’re interested in the people that aren’t broken. You have to act like you don’t have feelings for the broken people.
And while I don’t get trying to fix people–I do get wanting to take care of people. I don’t expect you to change, I just think that I can handle your eccentricities and that both of our lives would be better together than apart.
Also, I know that most people overestimate how crazy they are, so I wouldn’t assume her comment is admitting to being crazy. If she talks about being a multipersonality Vampiress (like a girlfriend I had) then you can call her crazy. “Don’t stick your dick in the crazy” doesn’t apply to someone who isn’t really crazy.
It’s also one of those things you have to evaluate for yourself. As you’ve pointed out, everyone is a little crazy. It’s more about knowing how much crazy you can handle. For example, while I couldn’t have a real relationship now, two years ago, my OCD and anxiety were perfectly managed. Anyone who didn’t date me because they didn’t want “crazy dipped into them” I would consider a bigot (Not that I encountered it at al, lsince my OCD was so unimportant that I rarely even bother mentioning it.) If you couldn’t handle me, you couldn’t handle half of the so-called normal people.
Okay, brutal honesty time:
The women I’m really interested in seem to be not all that interested in me. Been a while since I contacted Lauren with no response, and quite frankly I think she’s sleeping with an ex, so maybe she’s back with him now, even though she’s still technically married and all that. I’m probably being played left and right. Whatever. I KNOW that’s probably what’s happening. I get it. The only thing I think is, if she’s going to play that way, then she might throw me a bigger bone now and then. I get some satisfaction but it feels like charity.
Here’s the big clue (other than your advice) that clued me in to something; she never asks anything about ME. It’s ALWAYS about her. She knows NOTHING about my life, family, or interests, and I’m pretty sure I know at least *something *about her. Crom, this is making me disgruntled just thinking about it.
I pretty much bailed on the thread when it moved from ‘Ashley’ to ‘Ashley + Laura’. In the meantime it’s evolved into ‘Ashley + Laura + Helen’.
In other words, a stealth-brag junior high school soap opera. Cuckoorex, what are you, 15?
You know, I get the stealth brag bit, I really do, and I appreciate it. But when you (most likely) were dating and going through high school bullshit, I was busy reading Christian apologetics, like Dietrich Bonhoeffer or R.C. Sproul. Not meaning exact times, of course, but developmental years.
As for the soap opera/ stealth bragging aspect; one thing contributing is my choice of aliases, and I actually screwed up at least once there, but I’ll tell you the same thing (again) that I’ve told everyone else in this thread; as far as I know, NONE of this is bullshit. It might be oversharing for a guy, it might be something you feel is no big deal. It’s just an aspect of my life I’m trying to figure out. And I have no desire to brag; that’s an entirely different category from what I’m trying to learn right now.