One thing that was really gratifying about the way things are turning out is that I went from (straight) Gay Best Friend to Friend with Benefits status without really changing anything about my approach to Lauren. I am consistently being myself around her, probably moreso than I am with some of the other women I was interested in. Ultimately, it was her calling the shots and once she decided to take things further, she made it pretty obvious that was what she wanted and I took over from there. So yeah, maybe I’m whipped; maybe I’m auto-whipped. But patience and persistence actually paid off here; I’m OK with the way things are between us for now, and I know that people were pulling for Ashley or Mary, but Lauren and I do seem to understand each other better, even with all the emotional baggage that we both bring to the table. I may not be the love of her life, but I am a part of her life, and for now I’m pretty happy with that.
You aren’t the love of her life. She will break your heart. You will be back posting about how you now know not to stick your dick in the crazy, and how you wished you’d listened to everyone who told you, but everyone has to pee on the electric fence themselves. See you in about a year and a half! 
Why do people start threads asking for advice, if all they want is for people to agree with them?
This is the saddest thing I’ve read on this board in a while. But carry on. Until she finds a man with some balls and leaves you high and dry, that is.
Enjoy, have fun. But don’t lose sight of the fact that she may have something in particular in mind for her life that doesn’t match with yours. If you don’t want marriage and kids, let her know that right up front. If you are looking for one or both of those things eventually, again, let her know right up front.
Sorry, but I was a sucker and let someone drag me along for quite a while before I realized on my own that his life plan didn’t mesh with mine at all.
I agree.
It’s the second saddest thing I’ve read. The saddest thing I read was in that thread where the guy was suspicious that his girlfriend was going to leave him for a guy she’d met online. She did leave, but as she was walking out the door with all her shit he asked if she’d smile one last time for him. My eyes rolled and vomited simultaneously.
Though this is the likely scenario, Cuckorex, you can gain even more from this arrangement than sex with the girl you wished were your girlfriend; you can learn how to manage your emotions and expectations, and how to deal with manipulative people. If you aren’t awaiting the day that Lauren wakes up and realizes that the man of her dreams has been right in front of her all along, you can get your freak on and be open to meeting someone who actually wants to date you.
Agree. And didn’t he say that she smiled with tears in her eyes or something? Blech.
But yes, this is the second-saddest thing ever.
Meh, at this point, he and Lauren deserve each other.
Yay, the haters are back!
To recap, for those who seem to think I haven’t listened to any of the advice in the thread:
I DID ask Ashley out. She wants to focus on trying to become a teacher and she’s happy to go out once in a while but nothing more. So Ashley is out.
I DID ask Mary out, and she accepted but then canceled at the last minute; she’s getting back together with her ex-boyfriend and felt it wasn’t appropriate to see me. So Mary is out.
Kelly keeps saying we should get together but she never commits to a time or place. So for now, Kelly is out.
Lauren, on the other hand, makes an effort to contact me, find me, hang out with me, and yeah there’s the occasional extra goodies thrown in there, and I won’t complain, but I don’t have any illusions that this is going to turn into something lasting. Will she break my heart eventually? Maybe, I suppose, but anyone could do that. Right now I’ve got a fun friend to hang out with and here and there I’m getting laid, so how can I complain? Maybe whoever it was who said it sounded like I just want to score was right, because I’m feeling pretty happy about how things are right now.
I love your sarcasm, even though if the haters really bothered you, you wouldn’t… post updates. Herp de derp!
But. . . then how would the interwebs know he is porking somebody?
My kingdom for a link.
The whole sad and sordid story:
I’m planning a Facebook page and a YouTube channel exclusively devoted to informing people all over the world regarding the current status of the situation; I want it done right, so it’ll take some time. In the meantime this thread will serve as the base for an elaborate viral marketing campaign with the same goal.
Usually your diction is excellent, but the preferred term in my neck of the woods is “banging,” not “porking.”
I don’t live in your neck of the woods, my dear. It’s a perfectly legitimate slang phrase for fucking (as legitimate as slang can be, at least) that has been around for a long, long time; longer than sweet Ashley and I have been on this Earth, at least.
Good attempt at throwing snark at “the haters”, my old chap! You need to refine your technique, though; a bit too much emotion comes through which shows you are bothered by said “haters”. Sadly, this just increases the amusement factor. 
You mean “throwing shade”- only oldsters say “throwing snark” anymore. 
Ha! You just got snarkblocked!