[QUOTE=AClockworkMelon]
Whatever. I’m keeping my options open.
[/QUOTE]
Whatever to you, Clocky. My 24 year old astronaut prodigy ass is going to bang some Persian/Mexican guy at the club. See if I rub dangerously close to your sweet, middle aged gonads through your Kmart khakis again, buster!
I just started a thread about our little affair. Now the whole world will know what whores women are.
First, I’m going to address current events:
None of the women I asked tonight could make sense of Lauren’s text about liking “committed relationships but not exclusive” except one who suggested that maybe she wanted someone to come home to every night but also the freedom to hook up with whoever. And that might be the best explanation for that so far.
OK, now on to the angry mob that has decided to stone me to death:
And who are you, that I should care what *you *think? Give me ANY reason I should care about what YOU think and I’ll honestly consider it. Really. Seriously. Are you my brother or sister? Are you a close friend? Do you actually know who I am and what my situation is? DO YOU KNOW *ANYTHING *ABOUT ME BEYOND WHAT YOU’VE INTERPRETED FROM MY POSTS? If so, accept my apologies and offer your advice. If not, then take a heaping dose of rude insults and go home. I don’t care about or need your condemnation.
Apparently we need a recap. Of all the things I’ve said in this thread, of all the scenarios and situations, how much has ended up with *me *as the winner? Yeah, I get the thrill of some kisses from an old crush and I get played by some chick who lets me caress her back and gives me some kisses and then there’s the younger chick who probably really isn’t interested in me after all, and the chick who is a good kisser, but I only see her once a month at best, when she’s already drunk. Oh yeah, and then there’s the chick that I probably should be married to but she’s married to another guy and carrying his child and she STILL calls me up and hangs with me so I’m a SURROGATE HUSBAND WITH NO BENEFITS. Guess how many of these women I’ve gone home with? Guess how many have pursued *anything *like a deeper relationship with me?
Yeah, ZERO. If you’re judging me and you have a wife or girlfriend that you love, and she loves you back, first of all, good for you both and I hope everything works out great for you, second of all, I resent you for judging me. I resent you and your judgments and your assumptions and your mocking attitudes. I’m not talking about my conquests. I’m not talking about every woman I’ve ever fucked. I’m talking about an unexpected surge of attention from a few women in a short period of time that makes little sense to me and I’m not quite able to process what that means, because YEAH I GET IT, I’M NOT BRAD PITT so why am I getting attention NOW? I’m not a neurosurgeon or movie star and I’m not an athlete. I have spent most of my life watching as my girl friends usually end up with assholes. Hell, they STILL do.
And yeah, it’s oh so clever, the thing about sneak-bragging, and I get that, too. And you know, I actually do know what you’re talking about, because I’ve known my way around the internet for, oh, maybe 15 or 20 years. Stopped counting. I’ve seen that sort of thing plenty of times. I can promise you that isn’t what I’m trying to do. Believe me or not, I won’t lose sleep.
And hey, yeah I posted pics, BECAUSE SOMEONE ASKED FOR THEM. Self-depreciating? Would you rather I posted them with a caption that said, “here’s my good side…oh, wait, they’re ALL good sides, and this one I call Blue Steel”? I know I’m not especially good-looking or ugly. (Still trying to figure out the self-depreciating part; was it when I said my one pic looked angry, but I usually smile a lot more? Because, you know, there’s another word for that, and it’s HONESTY.)
I can absolutely promise you *nothing *I have posted in this thread is horseshit, and those of you reading this and judging me: you’re WAY down on the list of people I feel the need to impress. I’ve been *extremely *honest with everything I’ve posted here and I know I’ve opened myself up for criticism because of it. Thanks to all who have tried to offer advice and insight, but I’m thinking I made a mistake starting this thread in the first place.
Oh no, infinitely recursive angst. I can’t get out!
He’s responding in a thread that you started to ask what people think.
Probably. I don’t understand it, but there’s a strong tendency for some people to come into advice threads and explain how it’s all the fault of the person who started the thread. Especially relationship advice threads. Some give bad advice with good intentions, others just find their fun in making mock of the person seeking advice. Even people seeking more sympathy than advice can be nitpicked to death.
I am truly sorry for that tendency of people on Message Boards-I fear it is not unique to the Straight Dope.
On the other hand, I think if you want a relationship with a woman, any woman, I think you ought to try being a little more proactive. You seem to let your cast of women with fictitious names do most of the acting, and then you end up on the sidelines. I saw nothing wrong with the pictures you posted or the manner in which you did so. But at some level, even if you appear too clueless/unmotivated to succeed with these women, yes, just having them interested is arguably brag-worthy. I wish you the best in your future interactions.
Before this thread goes completely off the rails, I’m going to pop in here one more time with two more cents.
A while back, Justin Credible advised that “Laura is probably best to be avoided.” I disagreed at the time, but given her recent behavior, I hereby retract my disagreement. Run from this woman. She sounds like she thrives on drama, and if there isn’t any she’ll create some. Not worth it.
The next time you see Ashley, ask her out on a proper date. Make it clear that that’s what you’re asking, not some vague “maybe we should hang out sometime” BS. I know this can be difficult but it isn’t complicated. Tell her you’d very much like to take her out to dinner and ask when she has a free night. If she says yes, make a specific plan for a specific time and place right then and there.
Of course, she might shoot you down, but that’s the chance you take, and at least then you’ll know where you stand. You are way too old for this “does she like me like me?” kind of crap.
It’s long past time to lay your cards on the table and find out if you’ve got a winning hand. If you’re unwilling to do that, then maybe Drama Queen Lauraen is a better choice for you after all.
I agree. Enough pussy-footing around, dammit!
Either fish or cut bait, that’s what I always say… which is not as appropriate when dealing with a bunch of engineers sitting around a conference table as it is when offering unsolicited advice to semi-anonymous people of teh Intrawebz, but it is the best I have.
Actually, I don’t always say ‘fish or cut bait’. Sometimes I throw in a ‘whippersnapper’ and a vague reference to ‘back in my day’ along with something snide about ‘kids today’, but I have to keep up my grumpy-old-man credentials or they won’t send me my AARP weekly magazine anymore.
And, as far as I remember, we all die alone.
Unless you’ve set up an incredibly romantic and melodramatic suicide pact of course…
Man, I thought this was about Ashley. I don’t know how Lauren got in the mix. Or all these other kissing bandits.
Ding ding ding.
Next week on As the Cuckoorex flies: Will Lauren and Cuckoorex seal their bond with a suicide pact?
I’m not sure if your still looking for advice or not, but I’ll chime in here. By the way, I’m a guy, mid-40s, married.
Regarding your pictures, since I am a guy, I will limit myself to “You are not repulsive.” I mean that in the best way: if you are looking for a relationship, your looks are not going to put anyone off, and that is really all that is important there. Anything beyond that comes down to the personal preferences of the person looking at you.
Basically, I haven’t gotten a clear sense from this thread of what you want. Are you looking to settle down and possibly get married? Or someone to just hang out with and have a little physical companionship as well? I may have overlooked this in my reading, but I really think you yourself are not sure. If you are not, I hope you come to grips with that issue sooner rather than later. That will tell you all you need to know to figure out what to do about Lauren. Or at least, it should.
But whatever you want, let me echo the “You need to be more proactive” advice, with a dollop of “Don’t overthink it so much.” If you are interested in Ashley, who cares what anyone thinks? She asked you about going to see a movie a week ago. If you are interested, you should have seen a movie with her last weeked, or at least have solid plans to do something soon.
If you do envision a “married with kids” future for yourself with someone, if that is really what you want, then I would encourage you to start being more proactive about pursuing the relationships that you want, not letting whatever just happens, happen. Late 30s and slightly overweight, reasonably pleasant and funny and intelligent, moderate income and assets (I am just guessing), never married… there are plenty of woman who would find that comfortable and appealing enough to settle down with, and you don’t need to rush or panic. Let another ten years go by, though, and it will be a harder sell.
Anyways, you seem like a nice guy, there is nothing that you have written in this thread that seems unbelievable. I hope you pull it all together in a way that works for you.
Well, YEAH! 
That is entirely possible. You’ve been around the internet long enough to know how these things go. It’s usually not a good idea to post about personal things if you don’t want people getting harsh about them.
Agreed to all of this.
I think you need to hang out at a different bar.
I was responding to the accusation that I was trying to impress anyone reading the thread. It’s correct that I was asking for opinions, and I realize my response to him was poorly worded; should have read more like, “Why in the world would I want to impress you?”
True. Actually I think I need to stop hanging around in bars so much altogether; they’re great places to run into drunk kissy chicks but horrible for finding much beyond that.
As for what I am looking for, right now I’m looking for just a standard girlfriend-type relationship, someone who I can go out with, sometimes come home with, but not necessarily play house with. Marriage might be possible but I’m not in any real hurry to get married.
Lauren got into it because a few months ago (prior to meeting Ashley) I met her, we went bar-hopping for a while and we ended up making out in her car (cue funk music). Following week, she said she’d be busy but would get back to me about going out again sometime. The week went by, and then it was a few months and I hadn’t heard from her, I pretty much figured she wasn’t interested. Then recently she DID get back to me and she wanted to start hanging out with me again.
The kissing bandits are just examples of women I know who, at least when drunk, don’t seem to hesitate to bestow kisses but don’t seem to attach much significance to them; they’re great to receive, the kisses that is, but they don’t seem to mean that the girls want to pursue anything further. That’s why I said they use them like handshakes.
Exactly. The reason I personally keep :rolleyes: when I read this thread is because the OP is so goddamned passive and expects women to basically unzip his fly and sit on his flagpole right in the bar. Anything short of that makes him wonder if they’re actually interested (hint: several kisses, touching the inside of your fucking thigh and such means YES THEY ARE).
If you don’t do anything in response to this stuff, why on god’s green earth would they assume you actually want to do anything? And, btw, regardless of the crazy status of Laura, you aren’t dating her and you haven’t given her actual indications you’d like to date her. You’ve intentionally kept it casual and you seem totally butthurt that Martin (for god’s sake, IT’S MARTIN. Not MarTEEN. You look like a jealous assbag teenager typing that out. I can hear the sneer from my laptop when I read it) actually asked her out, since you haven’t actually done so. Well, tough luck, guy. He asked her out. Now you’re jealous. Too bad for you.
Have I told you lately how awesome you are? Not just in this thread, but awesome in general? Because, you are.