I did read your post. I guess I should have put the [example with hyperbole] tag on sooner.
Well, you’re luckier than I am then.
To me they are very similar. Co-workers wandering around with scowls on their faces will create a work environment for me that is depressing and unpleasant. I can’t be the only person here who gets down from other people’s moods, am I? If I am, then this is the first I’m learning that I’m more empathetic than the norm.
I was just pointing out that you were mixing up the two words. Sympathy is akin to pity. Most people who are bummed out find sympathy offensive. Empathy, OTOH, is always welcome.
Nope, I used the word I wanted. Wasn’t mixing them up at all.
Your concern is appreciated, but misplaced.
You know, after rereading what you originally said, I stand corrected. I need to improve my reading comprehension skills.
I’ll take this as incentive to curb my grammar nazi impulses. My apologies to the rest of the thread for this pointless hijack.
No worries, it happens to everybody. It’s easy, for me at least, for a sentence to just look wrong, somehow, without anything actually being wrong with it.
Okay, this I have a problem with. I’m one of those people who’s natural expression appears “scowly”. I can’t freaking help it. Unless I’m consciously walking around with a shit eating grin on my face, I look like I’m scowling. I’ve tried to work on my “normal” face, to get it more neutral. It’s just not the way my face looks.
I can’t stand it when people pull the “you look so pretty when you SMILE, you should do it more!” or any of the other plethora of perky mantras.
Look, I’m not going to smile in order to make you feel more comforatable. I’m a generally happy person. I’m rarely in a foul mood, and when I am, it doesn’t last long. Just because I have a natural scowly expression on my face when I’m not grinning, doesn’t mean I’m working some evil plot to make everyone’s day around me miserable.
Scowl does not equal “pissy.”
Some of us just have that kinda face.
Sheesh.
:mad:
Probably more accurate to say that people like Kalhoun will think you’re a drag to be around. Mercifully, not everybody is like Kalhoun.
You’re bringing a scenario into this that DIDN’T happen in the OP though. (Someone else brought it up, in response to what you were implying happened in your posts.) She was feeling grumpy, was at her desk doing her work quietly without being disruptive, and a co-worker began “stalking” her with cheeriness because the OP didn’t say “Hi”. That’s intrusive and wrong. The OP wouldn’t have HAD to tell the person to leave her alone if the other person hadn’t been harassing her in the first place. These “cheeriness patrol” folks should be told “We have just as much right to feel grumpy at times, as you do to be cheery. Now, mind your own business.”
FTR, I’m usually a cheerful polite person, and my friends say I have a “wicked” sense of humor, more often than not I’m smiling and laughing. There’s been a time or two, though when I was in a public park, lost in thought, mulling over a personal matter of how to make a “wish list” purchase next month and get all the bills paid too, (I only have an income of $565 a month) and someone broke into my line of thinking with “Why the long face?”. I’ll add, it was a complete stranger, and I was left picking up the fragments of the near solution I’d had before the inquiry. That’s intrusive, and not appreciated. Even so, I said something like “Just thinking things through, I’ll be ok, thanks for asking though.” and moved on. I think I’d be pretty annoyed if someone started harassing me in the workplace, to “cheer me up” just because I came in quietly and started working right away, without saying “Hello”.
Why is it, that those people who aren’t secure enough in their own individuality, feel it’s ok to intrude on those who are secure being an individual, in an attempt to get them to behave according to what they feel is the norm? This isn’t a Hive, or a pack, it’s a society made up of individuals. Granted some are more independent than others are. My mood is my own, and I have a right to it, just as you do with yours. As long as I do what I’m supposed to do, without disrupting others, than it’s all good. I’ll add, reasonable efforts should be made not to be disruptive, but this does NOT include “faking it” as Kalhoun suggests.
MHO/
Those people who can’t handle doing their work despite the fact that their co-worker seems to be grumpy that day, should seek counseling to learn how to deal with the world as an emotionally secure, independent individual.
/MHO
That came out way harsher than I meant. I’m just saying, not everyone is as affected by other people’s moods, and, in my utterly unscientific personal experience, people like Kalhoun are in the minority. Sorry if my earlier post offended you, Kalhoun. Not at all my intent.
I also think a good deal of the angst in this thread is being generated by a midunderstanding of what exactly is meant by “pissy.”
“Of course you’re not expected to drop everything during someone’s lengthy illness. The actual dying process is only a few days. The point I was making (and everyone else seemed to “grasp” it but you) is that it isn’t an excuse for rude behavior. If you feel the need to be a fucking bitch because someone is dying, you shouldn’t be at work. I don’t care how much you need the fucking money. Take your bitchy, mournful ass somewhere else. That’s all I’m saying…”
WOW and that is the singular most ignorant statement I have seen since starting to lurk on this board. “The actual dying process is only a few days” And from what font of knowledge did this pearl come from??? I watched my brother die over a period of 5 weeks two years ago, it wasn’t pretty, it wasn’t fun and yes I was PISSY. And I had to work too cause you can’t just abandon your obligations. So it was work M-F, drive 300 miles, check into a hotel, spend Friday night thru Monday morn in the hospital, then drive 300 miles back home and go to work. Rinse and repeat. And you know what after two years I still miss him like crazy and when something reminds me of him, like running across old e-mails, I’m still sad (read as pissy by some people cause I’m not my usual haha funny self).
BITE ME, NOW I’M PISSY
Since apparently I’m more empathetic than the norm, you might believe me when I say that I can tell the difference between a pissy scowl and someone’s natural expression. One of my best friends and nicest people I’ve ever met had a perma-scowl, and I’m not the happiest looking person myself (although I’m rarely really down either). I don’t usually judge people by their normal expression - I judge them by the grumpy frown and dark cloud that they have hanging over them and leaking onto me.
The OP said, **"Yes, I’m pissy. Now go away. ** "
When some inconsiderate person asks you if you’re in a bad mood, you don’t bark “Yes, I’m Pissy. Now go away.” You make something up. You don’t act like an inconsiderate bitch and share your tale of doom and gloom.
and
**“Why can’t a person just be pissy? Why MUST I snap out of it?” **
Because it’s a drag to be around someone who’s so pissed off that co-workers have to “leave them alone”, THAT’S why. If you’re so out of control that you have to pitch a hissy fit when someone says something to you, stay the fuck home!
and
**“Don’t people grasp the fact than annoying an already pissy person is tantamount to waving a red cloth in front of a bull? It just makes me want to punch them in their overly toothy “buck up, pal” smiling gobs.” **
To which I would reply, “Are you threatening me, you sulking little bitch? I’ll give you something to stick in your “overly toothy” mouth…”
and
"Is my pissy-ness effecting you? How? I’m all tucked into my pseudo-office, working diligently. I’m not muttering. I’m not pounding my computer. Why is it YOUR fucking concern that I am not Miss Happy Chipper Perkyface? "
As has been said a million times, your attitude and outwardly directed morose face affects everyone you work with.
And finally,
"Now fuck off."
Lovely.
So, Zabali, I’m not having a comprehension problem. This type of person brings everyone around them down and needs to be told to knock it the fuck off.
Where did I post that I actually said this? NO WHERE. I opened this thread because that’s the way I was feeling but was raised better than to say that to a co-workers face.
Boy. What an imagination you have. Where did I say ANYTHING about pitching a hissy fit? IF you had READ my OP, I said I was in my pseudo-office working away. Sorry, no hissy fits, no tempter tantrums. I was just crabby.
Blow me.
[/quote]
"Is my pissy-ness effecting you? How? I’m all tucked into my pseudo-office, working diligently. I’m not muttering. I’m not pounding my computer. Why is it YOUR fucking concern that I am not Miss Happy Chipper Perkyface? "
As has been said a million times, your attitude and outwardly directed morose face affects everyone you work with.
[/quote]
So, you’ve never had an off day? You always walk into work with a jaunty smile and a hearty “How Do?” to everyone? “WHO” has said that a million times? Are you in the pseudo-office next to me? Considering you rarely pop your head out of your cubby (due to YOUR attitude), I sincerely doubt that. If I’m in my pseudo-office, typing away, how can you see my morose face? And thanks for that compliment. Usually I’m told I have a cold, closed face. I suppose morose is an improvement.
For fucks sake, I didn’t realize this thread would turn into such a bitchfest. I am so sorry I vented my ire over a coworker in the flippin BBQ Pit.
You want my definition of pissy? Cranky. Desiring to be elsewhere other than in front of this computer. Feeling like I should not have gotten out of bed. Upset at the asshat who almost clipped me by turning right from the lefthand lane, despite me being there. Upset that my child was portraying the Queen of Opposition that morning, causing me to be frustrated with her and having to rush to get here on time.
I’ll do my best from now on to be happy and chipper, just like you Kalhoun, k?
Honest question, Kalhoun does this second post, clarifying things (for me at least) just not sink in for you? Her first post was bristling, and a bit abrasive. Notice I did not post in this thread, until she’d clarified things, and people were still jumping down her throat insisting she should “put on a happy face” as a matter of course at work. I call bullshit on that concept.
I’m VERY empathic too, but I’m secure enough in myself, that I realize that another person’s mood DOES NOT HAVE TO BE MINE! Even though I can clearly “feel” what is going on with them, I do not have to adopt their mood as my own. I can choose to feel differently, and do what I need to do without letting their mein affect the quality of my tasks.
Some form of “balance” must be maintained. You guys did not jump on the co-worker’s case nearly as badly as you did the OP. Why? Because the OP was feeling negatively, and you seemed to have felt that this gave you “free license” to chew her out, as if every indignity you’d suffered at the hands of an emotionally immature co-worker past and present were her fault. She was the one who was intruded upon, and instead of biting her co-worker’s head off, she came here to vent. (Excluding when she was backed into a corner, and had to say “There’s nothing wrong, I have lots of work to do!”)
It’s just as “painful” to someone who’s grumpy, to have a cheery person “inflict” an upbeat mood on them, against their will. So, what’s the best stance to take with this IMO? Take a neutral stance, that being. “As long as work gets done, and there is no upheaval, people can feel however they damned well please, as long as they take reasonable, respectful steps not to intrude on other’s.”
It all boils down to this: It’s not my business how another person feels, or chooses to express their emotions, as long as they are being reasonable and not disrupting me in what I need to do. I am not responsible for how another feels, I do not have to adopt their emotional stance, I am repsonsible for how I choose to feel, and act on those feelings. As long as respect is given in the form of not meddling on either party’s part, and there is no upheaval caused by uncontrolled fits, than each individual should be left to express how they feel as they see fit.
I see what you’re saying, and mostly agree with it, but in work situations where we are all jammed together and unable to get away from the other people, I think we do need to modify our behaviour somewhat. I think people do need to keep a tighter reign on their negative emotions in these situations because of the enforced proximity. In my last job with the extremely negative co-worker, I was sitting six feet away from her for eight hours every day. If I had a blood pressure monitor on, you could have seen my blood pressure rise with every negative thing she said, every cuss word, every thing slammed down on the desk. This is an extreme example, of course, but even if all she had done was sit and glower at her desk every day, it still would have affected me in this situation where I was so close and couldn’t get away.
As for criticizing the OP’s rude co-worker, you’ll see that I did do that in one of my earlier posts.
What you seem to be unable to grasp is that I responded to her first post. The second post, where she backpedaled, is fine. The remaining posts I’ve made were not directly aimed at her. They are aimed at The Bitch-Puss, in general. You know who I’m talking about and you seem to be having a hard time separating the general group I’m speaking about from Miss Take.
No, I do NOT adopt the attitude of the Office Bitch-Puss. But to say she doesn’t have an ill effect on people around her is ridiculous. And in fact, a person with a negative attitude IS responsible for how others feel. Not how they perform, but how they feel. If you think it’s OK for each individual to express their feelings as they see fit, I’d hate to be around the majority of the population when they’re having a bad day. Keep it to yourself and we’ll all be better off. And anyone who has the balls to tell people to keep away when they’re in a bad mood doesn’t deserve to be employed.
With all due respect, Kalhoun, how you feel is no one’s responsiblility but your own. With the exception of close family, it’s no one’s job to make sure you’re feeling okay. That goes for Ms. PerkyFace as well as Ms. Bitch-Pus (what a horrible name).
We’re all adults. It’s not my responsibility to make sure you’ve got enough warm fuzzies to prevent you from taking on my bummed mood. Yeah, it’s a sucky thing to wear your pissiness on your sleeve, but to say if one has a bad day and fails to keep it a deep, dark, secret they don’t deserve to be employed, is ridiculous.
We’re human. Humans feel. It’s not healthy, nor realistic to expect someone to hide all their negative feelings when they’re around other people. This isn’t Pleasantville. We’re not the Stepford Employees.
No one is responsible for how you feel but you. To put that responsibility on someone else is unrealistic and unfair. Take responsibility for your own moods. I for one, think it’s more responsible to warn others of a foul mood so they have the option of not dealing with you, then trying to keep it bottled up and blowing up at some poor, unsuspecting sod. As long as it doesn’t happen on a regular basis, it’s not that big of a deal. Like I said before, we’re all human. We all experience different moods. We’re not freaking robots, able to turn our feelings on and off like a lightswitch. Frankly, I fear those who can.
First, I never said it was anyone’s responsibility to make me feel warm and/or fuzzy. I said a negative attitude affects other people. There is a huge difference between the two and I don’t see how you could have mistaken one for the other unless you just feel like arguing to argue.
Second, it’s “Bitch-Puss”, not “Bitch-Pus.” We’re talking about a facial expression (hence, the “puss”) not a vile secretion from an infected wound (i.e., “pus”).
And another thing…We don’t all have the option of “not dealing” with people at work. And we are talking about people who get their nose out of joint on a regular basis…say…once quarterly or so.
I’ve gone through plenty of seriously upsetting trauma in my life, including illness, death, divorce, serious injury, homelessness, etc., and I never ONCE made a co-worker feel as though I was going to explode on them, or that they should not approach me due to my “pissy” mood. I cried and screamed and went through the entire gamut of emotions, but NOT. AT. WORK. There’s no excuse. You need not fear me. I’m not the one who’s going to go off on the poor, unsuspecting sod.
Wow. You know, I really wish I had worked for someone like Kalhoun. The more I read this thread, the more I realize that for about 1/3 of my life, ie. any day my chronic depression made itself known, I really should have stayed home, instead of going to work or to school. Or I should have ‘bucked up’ or ‘smartened the fuck up’ (the two phrases which are most known to cause homicidal violence in depressives! WE CANNOT BUCK THE FUCK UP. PLEASE TO BE FUCKING OFF NOW.)
I did not realize that there are so many people out there who feel the need to be the fucking mood police. If someone brings you down at work, do your business with them and then LEAVE THEM ALONE. If someone irritates you at work, do your business with them and then LEAVE THEM ALONE. If there is someone with whom you do not mesh at work, do your business with them and then LEAVE THEM ALONE. There are a number of reasons that a certain co-worker might ‘bring you down’. You can either deal with it like an adult… in the manner mentioned above, or you can DEMAND that they make your life more comfortable by conforming to YOUR needs.
Kalhoun, you’re an immensely selfish person. Congratulations.