essvee: Why are you saying such things about Falcon? Are you picking on her randomly, or do you have some particular beef with her? If you have a problem with her, please air it out somewhere else so we can continue with the original topic. If you wish to pick on someone randomly, I suggest you choose a less loved and respected member of this community.
That isn’t a personal opinion, that’s a gratuitously nasty insult, you insufferably stupid dock whore’s abortion.
ok cranky grumble I take it back grumble, but if I see you posting in a calm manner like that again I will HAVE to say something!
you know, cervaise, yer right. that wuz a very nasty insult, and i would like to sincerely apologize to falcon for that comment. falcon, im sorry. i just reviewed the thread, and i got snippy with falcon originally cuz she said that i said only children were less fortunate and worse off than folks with siblings. that is not what i said. then it got worse from there. having a real bad day, sorry, folks.
Not only is this practice preposterously prejudiced and antiquated, it’s sexist as well. I was able to get a vasectomy at the age of 25 with no questions asked (to speak of), whereas my wife’s gynecologist did everything to dissuade her from trying to get a ligation.
I hate the “You’ll change your mind” attitude as well. Just the other day, Leigh-Anne said that when she told a co-worker we did not have children, he replied, “Yet, anyway.” Well, no, not “yet.” She doesn’t usually say anything, but I will. It’s intrusive and rude.
Back to the OP: My wife and I have been married for almost a year now. I have always wanted children, and she didn’t. Recently I found out that I have an abnormally low sperm count (around 5-7% of normal).
We can never have children.
I feel I should repeat that: We can never have children. Yes, I know there are medical things that can be done with fertility drugs and operations, but we could never afford that. Our only option is Adoption, which may or may not happen (lower-middle class white family… You make the call).
I applaud your choice Jadis. The last thing you or others like you need is a child you don’t want.
Instead of this being a “Me Too” post, I wanted to show the opposite of what you are going through, which is the basics of debate.
Thank you for bringing this up, rob. This is just the opposite side of the same coin that I’m referring to. I’m sure that you don’t want people calling your decisions into question any more than I do mine. When people ask you if you intend to have kids, and you say no, I’m sure you don’t feel like having to defend or explain that decision. It’s none of anyone’s business why you choose to have (or not have, as the case may be) children.
I’m glad that someone sees the light and appreciates my decision. To me, there’s nothing worse than bringing a child into this world if you aren’t ready to commit yourself to it 100%. A child is an enormous responsibility, one that I’m not willing to saddle myself with.
Slight hijack of my own thread…a woman I work with was talking a while back about wanting to have kids, but she fully intended to go back to work as soon as possible because (this is a direct quote) “I could never be just a mommy.” I was aghast, but held my tongue. This woman announced that she was pregnant about 2 weeks later. She lost the baby 6 days before her due date. I bet she’d be damned thankful to be “just a mommy” now.
The above is not meant to be a slight on anyone who chooses to work and raise kids…it was her attitude about it that I found offensive, as if her child were going to be an inconveniene in her grand life plan. Sad.
I told my ob/gyn for three years running that we didn’t want children and all that time of declining to discuss anything permenant, she finally suggest Phil have surgery. Beneath the talk of fewer complications and faster recouperating time was an upspoken (and its easier to get around if you change your mind and you’re not sterile).
Jadis, FWIW, PLD and I have been together for approaching 12 years, married for more than 9 of them…so “when you find the right person,” is just BS in its brownest form. Keep on plugging away at your request for sterilizaiton. I’ve read more than one story over at alt.support.childfree of young’ens succeeding at it, and in fact, PLD’s mother-in-law had her tubes tied at a very young age back when most states required husband’s signatures to do such a thing (she was single) but only after threatening legal action based on Hawaiian laws.
Falcon, we get called selfish all the time for not wanting to have children, so…
FTR, my brother is a big pain in the ass who has done far more in my lifetime to hurt me and often other family members than even he cares to remember…and in fact, denies he does.
[Slight hijack]A dear friend of mine (3 years younger than me, 27) discovered last year that the reason she’d stopped getting her monthly was due to premature menopause. Her chances of ever conceiving are 1 in tens of thousands and decease each day. She was devastated because while she didn’t want to have children now for various reasons, she hoped to have them some day. It nearly killed her (I’m afraid I mean that) to know that she probably won’t ever have them.
The corker to the story, she said that I, her childfree-by-choice friend, was the most understanding, sympathetic and helpful of all her friends. She never said it straight out but I suspect some friends avoided her or the topic completely because it made them uncomfortable or whatever. Not sure how exactly that impacts the OP, except that I was very anger with the people who would turn their backs on her because (without the choice part) she was now destined to be childfree like me. She was no longer in that not-so-exclusive cliche of breeders.[/hijack]
Finally, both PLD and I have heard that we are less than our gender for not wanting children or not fawning over baby pictures. And I still contribute to the kitty for baby shower gifts at work! 
I STILL don’t get the mentality that women are old enough to decide to bring a child into this world (and raise him/her without any training, I might add!), but we’re not old enough to decide never to do it.
That said, I’ll slink away before someone comes in and tells me what a wicked, wicked person I am…although, honestly I’m used to it.
When somebody is being an asshole you have to have a little fun with them:
Q. “So when are you going to have a kid?”
A. “I don’t know. When do you suppose your wife will be free?”
Q. “So why haven’t you two had any children yet?”
A. “Because our birth control method works better than yours.”
Q. “So why haven’t you two had any children yet?”
A. “Well some couples are just luckier than others.”
- “I know a good fertility clinic.”
- “I wasn’t implying that we were one of the unlucky ones.”
Q. “You want to have a vasectomy? But what if you change your mind?”
A. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”
For this thread only, you may ignore my signature line.
If you don’t want any kids, Jadis, how about a Chia Pet?
Hmmm…I’ll take this under advisement. A Chia Pet would probably be lower maintenance than my rabidly stupid rubber-band eating Siamese. <sigh>
Hey esseve, you got any studies on whether people with two siblings, rather than just one, are “stupider” than others? 'Cuz it seems to me your folks made one too many contributions to the gene pool.
Oh, FTR, I have a little brother, and I hate the smug bastard. I’d absolutely MURDER anybody who ever fucked with him (we’re from Kaintucka), but I can’t stand him just the same.
[sub]Fuck WebTV too. I’d love to read the rest of the posts, but this page is apparently “too big.”[/sub]
A friend of mine got a tubal ligation last year. She was 21 and had four children, so she didn’t qualify under the rule of 120…but her husband is Hispanic, and this is Texas, so that might have had something to do with it. She had been wanting one for as long as I knew her, but nobody would give her one until she had 4 kids.
Yes, I’m sure I don’t want children.
Yes, I may change my mind further down the track, even if I can’t see it now. That has JACK to do with you. Or I may not change my mind, live a full and happy life without ever reproducing and not give one thought to your sanctimonious “Knowing what’s best for you” spiel.
Yes, I’m fully aware that there are thousands of couples all over the world who desperately want children but can’t have them for some reason or another. I feel for these people (my best friend and his girlfriend had a near scare in this department, and I know how badly it can affect a relationship. That said, I still don’t understand why it’s selfish for me to not:
a) impregnate the nearest woman and
b) spend 18-odd years raising a child I don’t want and can’t support.
What, now I’m single-handedly responsible for the continuation of the species? Not bringing an unwanted child into the world seems pretty sensible to me. robgruver, I’m glad to see you’re not one of the bitter, twisted people I know who takes out their inability to have children on the entire world and treats every childless-by-choice couple as a personal insult. Hell, I’m only 20, I’m in university… I want a few more irresponsible years before I even think of committing myself to something that major. 
Wow… a mere three posts and I’ve already had my first Pit rant. Damn I’m good. 
Stella* I found your story very moving and convincing.
I think your way of handling those tactless enquiries is sensible and dignified.
Hooroo
As a mother of four (wanted and planned) children, I whole-heartedly support your decision not to have children. Raising a child is always a challenging and difficult job. None of us do it nearly as well as we want to. And no one should have to do it who doesn’t want to.
I understand the reasoning behind the reluctance to assist women (or men) in making permanent decisions about their fertility when they are very young. When I was 18 I was certain that I would never have children. Growing up with a depressive mother and an alcoholic father may have had something to do with that. But, as I matured and became more the person I was meant to be, I realized that I had a very strong maternal instinct. (I see it in my two youngest, too. Each is the first to rush to the aid of a child who has fallen on the playground and must at the very least acknowledge-and better yet, hug-every baby she sees.) For me, it became an incredibly strong need, and one I would have been very unhappy to have been denied.
On the other hand, if you have made it to 30 years old and, presumably, have certainly become the-person-you’re-going-to-be, who in their right mind is going to tell you that you can’t make this decision for yourself?
I’m truly sorry for what you, and other people/couples who wish to remain childless, must go through. I can only imagine what our world would be like if only the people who wanted to have children actually had them.
Actually, I’m just a little freaked that you use the name of [shudder] Jadis [shudder] !
Actually, it’s a cool name, but I was big into Narnia as a kid, & …
[sup]maybe i’m glad you don’t have nor want children?
don’t hurt me…eep![/sup]
As for the whoel sibling thing… I’m one of four children. I absolutly love my siblings (at times, of course). My younger brother is only 18 months younger than me, and we were raised as twins. I personally think it is important to have siblings.
Also though I don’t think it is harmful not to have siblings. My husband was raised as an only child.( his siblings are 20 years older than him) He happened to have a lot more opportunities than me. His parents were able to set up a college fund for him. He had a lot of attention from his parents and never had a reason to be jealous. The only thing he missed out on was how to interact with siblings. When my siblings start teasing him he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know wether they are joking or are serious. He also was raised very differently from other kids his age because his parents were older and raised him as he were born in the 1960s.
I don’t think it is detrimental(sp?) to do it either way as long as you care for your children with all your heart, and know what you are taking on.
AS for the griping about making childless people have children. I think it is best that if you don’t think you want or can handle children, not to be pressured into it. If you don’t want the child you conceive than how well are you going to raise it?
I myself when I was younger didn’t think I would want children. I didn’t want to be tied down. I wanted to travel and not have to worry about money or baby-proofing things. Then I found Mr. Right and all I can think about is having babies even though I’m too young.
I think a lot of people who say things towards you are really thinking the way I did. They said they didn’t want children, but eventually got baby-lust. They don’t seem to understand that not every one wants what they have. (these people are usually also matchmakers :rolleyes: ) I don’t know if arguing with them or insulting them will help. They are just trying to “help” you out :rolleyes: Explain carefully to the people closest to you, if you want, why you don’t want children. Ignore the rest.
I was big into Narnia as a kid too…except I thought that Jadis kicked major patootie!! To quote Uncle Andrew: “A dem fine woman, sir, a dem fine woman. A superb creature.”