What!?! Y’mean *your *kids still come along on this vacation too? How many people are on these junkets, Mean Mr. Mustard? You, your wife, the other couple, one of their kids plus spouse, three grandkids, at least two of your kids (maybe more?). That’s at least 11 people. This thing is just spiralling out of control. I don’t know what to suggest. How can there possibly be peace, relaxation and nothing to do with 11 different personalities all along?
Your kids are adults. Even if their dad doesn’t want to say no to keep from offending his old friend, your kids should, if they don’t want to be babysitters, put their feet down and say no.
Your kindness to your friend should not include expecting your kids to babysit his grandchildren, talk to your kids about that now so they can say no (if they are so inclined) then mention it to your friend that your adult kids don’t want to spend any part of their vacation babysitting other people’s children.
If your friend then wants to give his kids some alone time by babysitting, he is on his own. Sounds like a great time for you and your family to go sightseeing!
That’s what I’m leaning toward.
We go to a different place every year, typically renting a large house on a lake.
Oh yeah. Once we had 18 people (not fun, for me). Ideally (again, for me) it would be just the six of us - my wife and me, the other couple, my two adult kids. Adding the other five brings us to a grand total of 11.
Well, they don’t really mind it. And it only happens every now and then. It just burns me up a bit when I see the trio’s parents paying zero attention to them because they know my kids are entertaining them.
I dunno. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m over-reacting to the entire scene. No one else seems to mind.
Look, Mr. Mustard, just get drunk and stay drunk. Vacation saved.
If you all rent a house together then it’s not really any more your vacation than it is theirs. Unless you pay for the entire rental, which actually is one option – pay for a house that sleeps 6 and invite them, then they are true guests and can’t bring their grandchildren.
But I think you should suck it up, especially if that’s what your wife wants. Just find a very big house, or some resort where you can get two cabins next to each other. Next year tell them up front you want to do it adults-only but you totally understand if they will spend their vacation time with their grandchildren. Perhaps suggest a shortened trip so they can do both in one year.
Or send your wife and adult children to the beach and stay home and spend a week reading books on the couch. That’s actually what my dad might do.
So the kids’ parents don’t want them there, nobody else wants them there, and they probably don’t want to be there either. So why do they have to go? Can they stay with their other grandparents? Can their parents plan their own vacations for the foreseeable future?
I don’t think you’re being an ass at all. That sounds like an awful vacation, I’ll bet if you (or maybe MrsMustard, discussed it with your friends ( diplomatically) they’d understand.
If they can bring along an older teen babysitter for the kids, the sitter will be able to control the kids, probably better than the parents. The parents probably need a break from three boys, and might be persuaded by the idea of a real vacation for themselves, as well. I have friends who always did this because the wife had health issues and tired very easily and they didn’t want it to ruin everyone’s vacation. It worked so well that they often took my kids along, too. You could offer to split the expense with your friends. I know many babysitters would love to do this.
Has anything been decided?
I still stand by what I said in my earlier post. The parents of these three boys need to start planning their own vacations. They are a family by themselves, so that’s a family vacation. It’s what elbows said and Dinsdale corroborated: you and your peers are older and crankier than you used to be, and these vacations can no longer include active children, especially not three boys. I don’t think you’re an ass; I don’t think the boys are little shits; I don’t think anyone is anything except the wrong age/s to be taking this vacation together. The son and daughter-in-law should start forming their own traditions.
(And your children are female, right? So it’s always assumed that they’ll love nothing better than to babysit, and even if they don’t, they’re still girls, and there’s “no one else”, right?)
Nothing’s been decided yet. However, just an hour ago I searched online for some possible rentals and Mrs. Mustard emailed a few links to the other couple.
Each of the potential rentals only sleeps six, so we’ll see what response we get (and if they take the hint).
Yeah, my kids are female; and they really don’t mind babysitting. It just chafes my curmudgeonly ass.
As for the son & daughter-in-law forming their own traditions - I couldn’t agree more.
Thanks for your input.
Cool!
What they need is a dedicated babysitter who isn’t a part of the families. One that you all could help share the cost of, if necessary, to make it happen.
I think what they need is to, er, man up and be parents; and stop creating situations in which they’re allowed to temporarily abandon their kids while assuming they’ll automatically be watched over (which they will).
Or, what they need is for their friends to be honest and open with them. That’s not happening here, everybody is just sucking up, for friendship’s sake.
Is that what you want from your friend’s? I know it’s not an easy conversation, but if you’re willing to share a holiday with them shouldn’t you at least be willing to be honest?
Your friend’s aren’t seeing it because everyone is pretending it doesn’t impact them.
Man up, be honest. You are older, your patience is shorter, these children are prone to fighting and fussing and you think life is too short to spend your holiday in close quarters with this level of conflict and commotion.
I don’t know about you, but the thing I treasure most, in my friend’s, is authenticity. But maybe that’s just me.
Is one of these attainable?
I might agree, except that I’m the only one who minds.
“Everyone is pretending it doesn’t impact them” is far from true.
Dedicated babysitter would definitely not fly. Besides, I don’t want yet another body tagging along (unless she’s, you know, hot). 
Man up? I don’t see that happening either. I’m going to wait and see their response to my sleeps-six suggested rental.
I think two smaller rentals would probably be your best compromise here. Your family gets one, and the family with small kids gets one, and the grandparents can stay either place as they see fit. You can all vacation together and do stuff together as desired, and Granny can babysit over at the other house while you repair to your own place for a little peace and quiet. And when you explain to your friends that it’s not that you don’t want the little darlings to come along, you’ve just gotten old and cranky enough that you need your own space sometimes, they can’t refuse without looking and feeling like jerks.