Yet another breakup to report

It seems that the fall of 2009 has been a bad one for Doper breakups. Here’s another for the list: my wife and I are splitting up.

I’m not exactly sure why. She tells me that it’s been coming for a while, in spite of the fact that there have been few problems between us and we had even booked a Christmas getaway that was long overdue. But she cancelled our holiday suddenly, announced she was going to be spending Christmas with an old friend who lives back across the country, and advised she would be seeing a lawyer. At some point in the New Year, she would be moving across the country and taking up residence with the old friend. This news all came as quite a shock to me.

I’m being intentionally oblique here, since I’d really rather not spill details, some of which are hurtful to think of. She laid this news on me a few weeks ago, and I’ve been dealing with it since. A few of my online and in-person friends know, and my workmates know; and I’ve spoken with one of the lawyers in our office who has agreed to represent me in divorce proceedings. For now, my wife and I are still under the same roof, and things are civil, even pleasant at times; but it’s not easy.

Anyway, Dopers, if you have any good thoughts to spare, could you send them my way? Christmas was always a happy time in our house, but this year’s doesn’t look like it will be that way. I’ll make the best of things (lots of televised football, for example, a pile of interesting books, the opportunity to catch up on work, and getting together with friends) and hope that everything works out well for all parties; but I could sure use some good thoughts and some reassurances right about now.

I’m sorry to hear that Spoons. It’s a crummy time of year to go through family breakup. You’re in my thoughts.

Bummer. All the best. It does get better - and you sound like you know that, you just want other people to say it.

I am sorry to hear your news. Sending supporting thoughts your way.

Ah, Spoons, I’m so sorry – it’s a tough time of year to be alone, esp. when you’re blindsided by someone else’s decision that that’s how it’s going to be. Hang in there and make sure you are good to yourself.

Sorry to hear about this. If you need an anonymous person to rant and rave to/at, you can send me a private message. We could also chat normally if that suits you better. :slight_smile:

I am sorry to hear that, you have lot’s of good wishes from me.

Sorry for your troubles, especially at this time of year when everyone is supposed to be capering about with happiness and excitement - bad things seem even worse. Even Tiger Woods’ wife is holding off on divorce, I hear, until after the holidays.

Good thoughts, Spoons. Surround yourself with friends, and keep yourself busy.

Oh, Spoons, I’m so sorry to hear that. I was just wondering how you were doing. I hope everything works out as well as it can.

Sorry you’re in the club man, it sucks bigtime. I’m here to offer an ear - PM me if you want to talk.

I’m very sorry to hear about this. Don’t try to be all macho and stoic, Spoons - you’ve got a lot of good support here available for you in this difficult time.

I’m sorry Spoons and wish you the best in the coming year.

Good thoughts your way Spoons. {{{Spoons}}} - virtual hugs and supportive wishes sent your way.

Keep your chin up, my friend.

Sorry to hear that - it seems the holidays can bring out the worst in people. I remember last Christmas Eve crying myself to sleep because I was positive my husband was going to leave me by New Years.

We made it through together but I don’t think I’ll ever forget how raw that felt.

I am so sorry. If you need to chat, I am listening.

Spoons, sorry to hear such bad news. :frowning:

I am so sorry. Try to be gentle with yourself, and if you are at all inclined, spend time with others.

Not being macho or stoic, Cat Whisperer–I think I’ve gone through all the other stages by now, and am (reluctantly) accepting the situation. I do think Poysyn nails it by calling the feeling “raw”–it is certainly that.

I’m going to try to be good to myself, and have arranged a couple of things with friends over the next few days. My job seems to be wanting to help through keeping me busy by piling on plenty of work. Not sure if I like that (I could really use a break), but at least it’s not difficult work, just time-consuming.

Thanks, folks. Your words mean a lot.

You’re single now. Make the best of that situation. Play the field, experience different women; don’t think about getting into another committed relationship, just be a bachelor for a while. It’s not the worst predicament you could be in.