Yet another pointless moronic "help me with my love life" post.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So, long story short, for one of the few times in my
life I have a girlfriend. And I like her a lot. At the moment, I can say I like her better than anyone else. Of course, we’ve only been going for about a month now, so I’m more than likely hopelessly infatuated. (Which is NOT to say that I’m unhappy about that fact, mind you.)

But here’s the catch. She’s not a US citizen. She is,
in fact, an Australian citizen here on an educational visa. And for various reasons she can’t afford to stay in school here. I’ve talked to several immigration lawyers and they all say her chances of getting any kind of permanant residency are close to nil. So, she’ll be going back to down under in six (five, now) weeks.

So the question of the hour is… Do I follow her?

I see pros and cons to doing so:

Pros: I’ve never really travelled - lived in the same town my whole life. This would be a fun adventure for me, even if it turned out to be temporary (only a year or something). And I get to stay with her. I would also get to quit my crappy job that I don’t like very much.

Cons: I would have to sell my sports car. Might have to sell my commuter car, too, if I can’t import it. It would essentially mean uprooting my whole comfy life here - though truth be told I don’t have a big social circle or tons of friends. Getting through Australian immigration might be a big hassle for me. Getting a job in Australia might not be such an easy thing either - even if I am a decent computer programmer. Last, of course, if it turns out that things don’t work out between us, I’d be stuck in a foreign land. Though admittedly one where I spoke the language, which helps a lot.

There are of course a million other factors. But I’m just throwing this out for anyone who feels like answering. What do you think?
-Ben

2

I dunno - 2.5 months is kinda fast to be picking up and moving accross the WORLD. If it’s that serious, why don’t you just get married - then she can legally stay.

Have you talked to her about it?

3

You’ve lost your freakin’ mind.

You have known this person just over a month and you are considering disengaging yourself from your life and livelihood to follow her to Australia? And if it doesn’t work out then what?

You obviously don’t have much experience with real world relationships and the ups and downs of same or the absurdity of your proposition would be clear to you. Notions about “true love” are wonderful until you and she have some knock down, drag out about whatever, and you’re out on your ass at a curbside down under with not even a jar of Vegemite to your name. What’s the ratio of initial infatuation to lasting relationships? Probably 10 to 1.

Here’s a better plan. She goes back to Australia. You save up your money and arrange to come visit her for a month or so and see if you guys can live together.

4

As much as astro’s advice appeals to the left side of my brain…

Ronin, babe - go for it :slight_smile:

Put enough jing for a return flight in a savings account or something, and go. The absolute worst thing that could happen? Your heart gets broke and you slink back to the US. In the meantime, you pick up some wonderful cultural and relationship experience.

You haven’t given us a lot of details to go on, so my advice may be junky, but hey. If you have the cash - go ahead, sell your cars and use them as seed money for your trip. And have fun :smiley:

5

I also vote for marriage…

Not only will she get to stay in the 'States with you, but she might even get some financial aid for her schooling.

If it doesn’t work out, you can always tell people that it was a sham marriage set up for her immigration. No one will fault you on that.

6

Well, it’s all clear as mud. ;]

astro
*
You’ve lost your freakin’ mind. You have known this person just over a month and you are considering disengaging yourself from your life and livelihood to follow her to Australia?
*

Actually, I’ve known her for six-odd months now - we’ve only been going out for about a month. And yes, dropping my whole life here and going to Australia is exactly what I’m proposing. And yes, I know I’m totally insane for considering it. That’s what makes the idea so appealing. (G)

Oh yeah, just to scare you more - I’m 26 and she’s 19!

And if it doesn’t work out then what?
*

Then it doesn’t work out. And I have to stay in Aussieland for a year or so and chase kangaroos, be chased by wombats, climb on Ayers rock, and generally have an adventure the likes of which I’ve never had in my life. Will it be all beer and skittles? No, definitely not. But I’m getting a little bored of my perfect little life here in Yuppy-ville. I crave change, challenge, difficulty. It’s how I am. Truth be told, I’m expecting her to dump me either sooner or later. The question to me is: can I survive in Australia - with or without her. That’s what I need to ask myself.

alice
Have you talked to her about it?

We’re planning to this evening. I’m actually really curious to see what she’ll think of the idea. Maybe she’ll say she doesn’t want me to do it, and if so, cool, that’ll be the end of it.
Both your cautious are well-founded, and ones that I’ve already considered. Thanks for being the voice of reason, it’s an important and very necessary role.

even sven
I also vote for marriage…

She’s not ready for it, doesn’t want it, and will not do it. We’ve talked about this possiblity. Often. She has her reasons for not wanting to marry - even a sham marriage - and I agree with them. I’d do it if she wanted it, but she doesn’t. And that’s the end of that, as far as I’m concerned.

chique
*Put enough jing for a return flight in a savings account or something, and go. The absolute worst thing that could happen? Your heart gets broke and you slink back to the US. In the meantime, you pick up some wonderful cultural and relationship experience.
*

That’s about my take on it at this point. I’m looking for someone to talk me out of it, really. Thanks for posting, though. It’s good to know I’m not totally alone in considering this option.
-Ben

7

I would gladly fault anyone who sets up a sham marriage for immigration purposes, assuming that’s what you meant we wouldn’t fault. As someone who went through the right channels to help his wife immigrate to the United States, I’d happily rat out someone who was doing it under false pretense (unless said person was from some horribly oppressive country perhaps, and I don’t think Oz qualifies).

Now, that aside, back to the OP - can’t your Aussie love just return down under for a month and then you could pay her way back to the States on a tourist visa? Aren’t they good for something like 3-6 months? She wouldn’t be able to work, but you’d be together, and you’d still have your life intact more or less. And you’d have someone to have dinner on the table when you got home. :wink:

And, within that timeframe, you’d hopefully know how enough about each other’s annoying habits to deem if you could live with the person permanently.

8

In The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams writes about a planet whose entire population lives in the branches of a single tree. They are aware that a whole planet exists around them, but they just prefer to stay in their tree. An extreme case, Adam writes, but all the species of the galaxy are guilty of the same kind of provicialism to one extent or another.

You’ve got a place to stay and a native guide at least until you and your girlfriend split up. (Which may be never. I don’t want to be too cynical.) Provided you can get a work visa, you should be fine.

I say go for it. Even if you did marry her now, which I think would be a bad idea, she would most likely have to go back to Australia for some time. Getting a visa even for a spouse is time consuming, and it’s not like the INS is really eager to please right now.

9

Dang! I wish I had the chance to do something like that and the nerve to go for it. Just remember she’s young and the chances are about 50/50 that the relationship is not going to be forever. That said, if it were me, knowing what I know now I’d be there in a heartbeat! You can always buy another sports car.

Here’s a link to some Programming jobs in Australia :cool:

[monty python]
you lucky, lucky bstrd!
[/monty python]

10

Not to discourage you. I know of a couple that met in a chatroom. He was from North Carolina, she was from Australia. He left the country and moved there, they married, had a child. It turned into hell on earth. He couldn’t find a job, he lost his self-esteem, turned to alcohol. He ended up back in the States, leaving her and the child behind.
You are young, and possibly it could work. But make sure that you understand what you are facing, and what you will have to give up. If it doesn’t work out, will it leave you bitter and feeling like you sacrificed more than you were given? Your best bet is to sit down and actually be honest with yourself and write out the pros and cons. Yea it sounds wonderful to just take off to a foreign land. But the language is about the only thing that will be the same. Different culture entirely. Only you can make that final decision and the longer you take to make it, the better off you will be.
Just by reading your post, you have a lot of doubts. Just take your time, don’t let time be a factor. You can always follow her down later.