Iit's over between me and my GF... (Long)

In My Humble Opinion (IMHO)
#1

OK, this might be the first post of mine on the boards where I actually open up my heart and let you peop see my vulnerable side… It’s just that I had to pour my heart out to someone about this - and what better place than here???

So, it feels my life is over.

Why?

Well, I guess I just broke off with my girlfriend over the phone. I saw it coming, but still - I didn’t think it would come to this.

OK, some background info:

I recently moved from Sweden to Japan, sort of on a whim; I have history and some connections (+ parts of my family) here so I thought I could get a job here and work for a while. Plus I was deadly tired of my dead-end job back home.

A little over three months ago I met a girl here; a wonderful Japanese girl who had been living overseas (Australia) for about 10 years; so she was very international, spoke great English, etc, etc,etc. She had been married before though (btw, I haven’t) and was actually finalizing her divorce at this moment. Anyway, we have spent the last three months seeing each other every available moment and it’s been great. However, she feels that Japan is very limiting to her and she hates how women are treated in the Japanese workplace, so there’s always been plans of going back to Australia in the back of her mind. However, until very recently, those have been very distant - since she was very happy with me.

So, the other day, she says she’s gotten a huge job opportunity back in Australia that she most probably cannot turn down. She says that for her own peace of mind she need to go back to Australia where the working environment is easier than here in Japan. So today she got the final call, she got the job - and she’s leaving in a month.

Well, you can imagine how I feel about this… I think it is terrible. However, since I at the moment am not too happy about work and life in general here; I suggested that we take some time apart, and then in a while when we’ve been apart; maybe she can move back here (if the job doesn’t work out), or, I could move down to Australia.

But she says ‘no’ - she’s not ready for a more serious relationship at this moment - plus she doesn’t want to bear the responsibility of my moving to yet another foreign unknown country.

So right now I feel pretty bad. Things felt so GREAT and I was actually seriously thinking giving up Japan and moving to Australia in the near future, for her sake. Sure, I know it’s early to be thinking like that - but I’m a flexible guy and it’s not that we would get married. If it didn’t work out in Australia; no big harm - I could always go back to Japan, or even Sweden.
Well, that was my long post… and I kinda wonder if I had a point to this or if I just wanted to whine… Well, if any of you wise people have any suggestions on how to deal with this - be my guest and post away. Should I just accept it, shut up, pipe down and get over her, just like that?

#2

Hey, I just got pseudo-dumped by the girl I was dating recently too - the day after my birthday, to be specific. We weren’t really committed, agreed that we could go on dates with other people if we wanted to, but hadn’t in the last 4 months. Then she told me how she made out with and stroked the cock of one of her friends while he was having sex with another one of her friends. I got a little upset, and she decided that she can’t be the kind of woman I need, whatever that means, and has put a 1-month moratorium on dating her, and I will only be able to date her again if I’m dating someone else as well, so she won’t feel bad or something I guess.

So, anyone in the DFW area want to date me?

#3

Hey try getting dumped after a four year relationship with a girl you would have married just b/c she wanted to move to SanFran (even though we had no money and no connections out there) Fortunately we both knew for a long time that we were going to go our separate ways so there was no big shock when it ended. Well except for when I got tired of her cheating on me the last month and kicked her out but really that just helped me see how little she loved me in return for all I gave to her.

If she was telling you she loved you and wanted a serious relationship I’d say go for it (and you really are in the position to be that flexible without seriously screwing up your life)…but by your own admission she says she’s not ready for a serious relationship moving there will just end very badly for you. I’d say take it on the chin scream about how the world is bull kick some furniture then after a month ask out some cute Japanese girl.

#4

Sounds like you love her more than she loves you.
Sorry man, she is not the right girl…just not.

#5

RealTronic, you are not whining. These things hurt like hell.

Give yourself – and her – a little time and space. It may set one or both of you free – or it may open her eyes. Sometimes it is hard to understand these things when they are unfolding.

You have one really, really good thing going for you. You are not afraid to move on a whim and set off on an adventure. Life is going to have so much love and so many surprises for you. It always does for those with a little bit of a wanderlust.

You are going to be okay. Just maybe not right this moment or even tomorrow. Don’t let it keep you from loving full out.

#6

You only knew her for 3 months AND she’s just coming off a divorce…and you were thinking of relocating to a new country… for her.

You know, that doesn’t sound too good. To me, anyway. Maybe if you’d known her longer I’d be able to understand it better. Hey, I guess anything is possible.

Anyway, I know how it is to lose something that meant something to you, if only for a short while. Things take as long as they need to take to get over. Don’t rush it. Whine all you need to, brother. We’ll listen. We’ve been there.

#7

I’m so sorry about how things worked out. I wouldn’t take any drastic steps like moving at the moment, but I would definitely try to keep in touch with her when she moves…emails, letters, phone calls. The distance might give you both some perspective. You may find out that you love her more than ever, but she doesn’t, or that she loves you as well, or that you both can be great friends but nothing more. Good luck.

#8

Real, I’m sorry this has happened and you have to go through these negative feelings, but I think you should just take it like it comes. To move to Australia just because she is and she isn’t encouraging you to move sounds a little too much like stalking. Don’t do it. You can find someone else. You will get over her a lot faster staying put.

#9

As cliche as it sounds, I think it happened for a reason. Good luck, there’s always another bus. :smiley:

#10

You should consider it over and done with. You offered to move and she said no. That’s about as clear as she can make it and put it nicely. Her telling you that she didn’t want to be responsible for you moving to another country was about as nice as it gets. Don’t push it and make her have to get ugly about it.

#11

Put it behind you kiddo. I hate to say this but you may be better off knowing now than later. She may (MAY mind you) have been using you as a support person whilst she got her divorce. I did that to a guy once and altho I did like him, and the sex was incredible for three months, I couldn’t let him continue the way he was going. I knew in my heart that it wouldn’t last because it was a fling on the rebound. I hurt him but even now years later we are friends. Let her go and, if it’s truly ment to be, she will come back. Be prepared if she doesn’t.

#12

Wow. Those were some really nice replies - I was expecting some sound advice - but here’s just a truckload of great stuff!

Thanks all, you are all right - this is definately NOT the end of the world. There ARE other fish in the sea. She is just coming off a divorce (should have taken that as a warning sign earlier on…) etc.

I have actually calmed down a bit - kicked around some furniture so to speak as one of you suggested, and I am looking upon this with sort of a fresh approach. Sure it won’t take me a day or two to get over, but I will get over it.

:note to self: DON’T post emotional stuff on SDMB within the hour of breaking up…:

Ooh and Spooje - I was never gonna “stalk” her as you put it - it was just a whim of an idea that kinda came to my mind the other day when this whole Australia thing surfaced. Thing is, my job here kinda sucks at the moment and I was feeling really low on both private and professional fronts, so I was not thinking straight.