Hitler, Aryanism, and the Japanese…
Name three things not usually found at a Chinese bar mitzva.
My sister is hearing voices. . .
Sorry. That’s me. She never closes her blinds.
Mac movie import question(s)
Antialiased subtitles can’t make them any less pretentious.
Am I really short?
No, but your body is.
Do road signs telling the distance to cities.
Not without lube.
iron chef
No, iron apron. Chef burns too easily.
Why all the fuss over a sonic boom?
They’re really fuckin’ loud, that’s why the fuss! Now stop breaking the sound barrier!
Question on Fatwa’s
All you need to know about fatwas is that you don’t want to be on the receiving end. And if that’s the case, by the way, I have no idea who you are. Infidel.
Troubleshooting a Car Stereo System
It’s not that hard. All you do is put some bullets in the gun, aim, and fire. It’s not like the stereo is moving around.
Truck question: what is the meaning of this sign?
“You’re a lousy fucking driver, asshole!”
Scoring models that don’t start at zero
Dude, models are at least a nine.
**Is being a Warrior a war crime? **
Only if you’re a member of the the Orphans, the Turnbull ACs, or the Baseball Furies
Why didn’t life ‘start’ many times?
Because I remembered to take my pill this morning.
Troubleshooting a Car Stereo System
If it’s troubling me, I’ll shoot it.
Should I buy a DVI cable?
I dunno. Do you need one?
How many Muslims
73, one to screw in the lightbulb whilst praising Allah, and 72 virgins as his reward.
Question about condos
Well you open the packet and then place it over your… oh wait sorry, missread the question.
Scoring models that don’t start at zero
Most models are a 10 or a 9, if they were a 0 they wouldn’t be very succesfull as models now would they.
**How much do you contribute when ‘visiting’ churches? **
Depends…
If by ‘visiting’ you mean being kidnapped for a sacrifice at a satanic cult’s high black mass, as much weewee and doodoo I can possibly produce besides my blood, sweat and tears. Talk about your sacred and profane!! :eek:
Why can’t I have me a golf-ball sized nuke?
Remember when your dad and I got you the nice Uzi, and you promised you’d take care of it? Remember what happened next?
Why has there been a sudden reemergence of broken up monopolies?
It was pretty much a given after the Thimble traded Park Place for that green one.
What was it like at Jesus’s time?
Hot and dry, with a 10% chance of crucifixions.
Car Spoilers
The Ferrari 512 does 0-60 mph in 4.7 seconds!
Getting a large package from US to Oz
First, you need a tornado…
Is there any reason to limit these to GQ? Past “Sarcastic Answers” threads have played on all the fora.
Ultraviolet not getting previews?
Oh, they’re there. You just can’t see them.
Dating someone with the same name as your pet?
Actually, it’s gone beyond that; Fluffy McFriskerson and I will be married in only a few weeks time.
Do all elements have a half life?
Absolutely not. Nitrogen, from what I understand, lives a very full life.
Maths question: what is the difference between a set and a class?
The kid in front of you who has five different calculators - that’s a set of calculators. The thing he’s passing and you aren’t - that’s a class.
Can Water Be Freeze-Dried??
Yeah, here. I got some if you want it. Only $50 a box - just add water!
Why are hospitals such germ pits?
Because of all the sick people there, perhaps.
Truck question: what is the meaning of this sign?
Stop (v) to cease activity or operation, to come to an end especially suddenly, to cease to move on…
Is sniper training useful for things other than sniping?
No sarcastic answer here. I think this title speaks for itself.
Cassette tape to CD
Don’t bother - just get an iPod
Copyright and Byline Questions
No, you can’t copyright the word “by” and charge every newspaper in America for using it. Nice try, bub.
Why didn’t life ‘start’ many times?
If it’s already started, it’s not starting, it’s continuing.
Why aren’t dogs tickelish?
I don’t know, but I bet you’re ticklish, aren’t you? Aren’t you, huh? Huh? runs chasing and tickling
Didn’t airlines use to allow two carry-on bags? When did they stop?
Yes they did. When they got to their destination.
Poor AM reception? Need help fixing
Try FM.
You’ll call me “Your Honour”… OR ELSE!!
Hello ELSE.
Evaporation and Melting of water
Welcome to cooking 101.
Yet more smartass answers to GQ’s
When do the smart answers start? And ain’t it about time you learnt that plurals don’t rate an apostrophe?
Was that being enough of an ass for you?
Help me figure out video space
Well, a VHS tape’s around an inch high, and maybe four inches wide by sixes inches deep. That’s twenty four sqare inches (two square feet) all together.
When did guano become associated with mental instability?
Ahem… Batman?
What non PC game system?
Well, there’s the cripple-box, retardstation 2, fatcube, or even the nice-tits-darlin’ 64. None of which are particularly PC.
I know this was in IMHO, not GQ, but I couldn’t resist.
Thank you for not resisting 
**Steam radiator will not heat up. **
You should live in a warmer country.
Your mathematics sucks ass, friend…
Four by six by one is 24 cubic inches. Two square feet, if we were talking square feet in the first place, is 288 square inches (like, 12 x 12, doubled, y’know?
In what sense does the moon rotate?
In the “Going round and round” sense, dumbfuck. :rolleyes:
** Mythbusters says that humans can’t duplicate the voltage of lightning, is this true?**
Lemme try… rubs foot on carpet… No, no million volt bolts of megadeath here, pal.
** Why so many lethal animals in Australia?**
Because they’ve killed all the less lethal ones?
** Do the letters of the alphabet have official spellings?**
Yes. “A” is spelled “A”. “B” is spelled “B”. Figure you can take over from here? :wally:
** What is the most accurate online translator between English and Spanish?**
Offhand, I’d guess at a United Nations interpreter in a chatroom.
** Have we really been to the moon or what?**
Well I haven’t, and I’ll lay odds you haven’t either, so I believe we’re looking at a big fat No here.
** Winning Bingo Strategies**
“Mark off the numbers on your card before anyone else does”. Cheez, this isn’t too hard for little old ladies with borderline Alzheimer’s, how tough could it be?
** Is it true that gay bashers are secretly gay?**
Yeah, and wife beaters are secretly wives. Moron.
We have achieved 3.6 billion degrees F
I guess global warming really is out of control.
How to stretch-fit a holster.
Step 1: stretch.
Step 2: fit.
Name this Buddhist statue.
How about Robert?