(Why) Does gingivitis suddenly appear?
Just like me, it longs to be, close to yeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww…
repelling mice?
First you get them teeny weeny little harnesses, then some teeny rope, and some teeny hiking boots …
Okay – if I’m punchy enough to not only come up with these lame jokes, but to go to the trouble of posting them – clearly it’s naptime. Catch y’all a little later.
Have fun.
Since no question is forthcoming, let’s try MPSIMS.
Moved. samclem
:smack:
Sorry about that.
Are there any animals that couldn’t swim to save their life?
Yes, they’re the ones on the bottom of the pool
How can I make my windows stay full size?
Machine wash gentle in cool water, lay flat to dry
What is the difference betweenDVD + R and DVD - R ?
Obviously…the operand. +=/-
Is sniper training useful for things other than sniping?
You also learn how to make a killer creme brulee.
How far away are we from translational software
The movement already software present that of translation because of everything is related the true linguistiche which comes necessary,!
Repelling mice! Twixster, you crack me up.
Repelling mice! Twickster, you crack me up.
Damn, I hate when that happens!
I’ve created a monster. 
" Are there any animals that couldn’t swim to save their life? "
Well, there were…
What is the difference betweenDVD + R and DVD - R ?
2R, of course.
“When the Romans crucified Jesus, did they really drive the nails through his palms?”
No, he did it to himself, wingnut!
Does the President have a cool uniform?
No, but the VP has a neat yellow hat.
Truck question: what is the meaning of this sign?
“slow down.”
“what… is… the… meaning… of… this… sign?”
Is it possible to sing in Chinese?
Based on my extensive collection of Chinese pop music, no.
“Is it possible to sing in Chinese?”
For you, probably not.
“Are marijuana brownies illegal?”
Back to work, Dubya!
“Do soldiers have to obey orders from any other soldier of superior rank?”
Well, there are exceptions, such as if the soldier in question is in the Iraqi Republican Guard.
“How do we sense moisture?”
We go outside and say to ourselves “Hey! It’s fucking raining.”
“Will green-winged teal mate with mallard?”
I dunno, give 'em some beer, put the Barry White album on and let’s see.
"Is sniper training useful for things other than sniping? "
Yes, you can also use it to shoot things from quite a long way . . . Oops, never mind.
"Why not use Cat. 5 or fiber for everything? "
Because it tastes awful with curry, and it won’t hold my trousers up.
"Highest BAC ever recorded? "
Well there was that time I was on spring break when my BAC exceeded my GPA.
"In the military, are enlisted personnel supposed to be unintelligent? "
Yes, that’s one of the few things we were actually good at.
"What is the best voice recording device on the market? "
The one I hid in your girlfriend’s dorm room. It’s gonna pay for my new Jag.
“Anyone Know Anything About Mill’s Music?”
I’ll tell you what, Mill might have been a whiny little prick when he was writing his philosophy, but that motherfucker could jam on lead guitar.
"If I write a screenplay at work, can my employer claim part of the money? "
Only if you cast him as the cable repair guy’s little leather boy in the scene with the Cuban waiters.
"Max size of HTML hidden variable? "
How the hell are we supposed to know that if we can’t even find the fucking thing?!
“DIYers: How to get old carpet padding up from hardwood floor?”
Never mind that, what are you going to do with the hooker’s corpse in the sofa?
"Is the EM spectrum continuous or discrete? "
It’s neither. Not only is it going to break off in mid-sentence, sooner or later it’s gonna blab about you and that goat.
"Ianal-but Here’s My Legal Advice; Legal? "
Hell, it’s not even advice!
"World’s Strongest Currency "
The Deutschmark. It bench pressed 600 lbs, got up, and killed a bear with a roundhouse kick to the face.
Does our sun have a name?
I think it’s Clarence… but if you had a choice of going between Clarence and ‘The sun’, which would you choose??
How does a car antenna work?
Well, you pull it up, and suddenly the reception gets better!!
Home networking: do I have an uninvited guest on my LAN?
Yeah, sorry, that’s me. Didn’t think you’d mind me dropping in.
Poor AM reception? Need help fixing
Coffee generally works for me, try getting to bed earlier if that doesn’t help.
Why all the fuss over a sonic boom?
It all started with the first cavemen sitting around a fire seeing who could flatulate the loudest.
Rust in a cast iron skillet. Repair?
Well sure, you could, but I likes me some gritty poop, g’head and try it!
"Can I beat the best backgammon player in the world? "
No, but you can beat him up, and that’s even better!
"Why didn’t life ‘start’ many times? "
'Cause then it would be “lives”
“New cat hiding in the house”
Ahhh, an old tradition. How I miss the pleasure of hiding our new cats in the house and the squeals of delight from the children as they uncovered the novel hiding places. Or were those squeals of pain from having their faces lacerated? Oh, well, fun all around, in any case.
"Another question about ‘fault’. "
Don’t even start. It’s still your fault.
Is it legal to require art students to photograph themselves nude?
No, but it sure is funny!
". . . how do libraries decide what books to buy? "
Thunderdome. Two authors enter, one author gets “weeded”.
"Can you adopt an adult? "
Yes, it’s called “marriage”.
"Who would get the traffic ticket? "
That would be you, Mr. Flip-the-cop-off-while-driving-drunk-with-a-hooker-in-the-front-seat-and-crash-into-the-children’s-hospital!
"What’s the proper word for a man-hater? "
Andrea Dworkin (OK, that was cheap, I’ll admit)
"Guinness and mosquitos? "
No thanks, I’ve already got Bud Lite and crabs.
“Amway”
When you absolutely, positively have to get divorced overnight!
"Quick and sloppy burglary alarm-perimeter "
I’ll mail you the answer. Could I have your home address again?
Scoring models that don’t start at zero
I’ve played against you before.
Explain: “Antenna gain” in dB?
I’ll try, but dB is a very complex langauge with a lot of idioms.
Amway
I preferred Uran-Day Uran-Day.