New glasses make me sick to my stomach: Is this normal?
You… you’re not supposed to eat them.
building a container in which a raw egg can safely drop from 15 feet
Chicken.
What does a capacitor do?
It capacitates.
What is the most effective way to contact a legislator?
Bribery.
Extent of landlord’s responsibility to conduct repairs within apartments (NYC).
Usually extends far beyond their ability to do so.
Because if “Warning: Do not use on your pubes!” isn’t written on the side of that can, it damn well should be!
Answore, answhere, answa-- . . . answhe . . . No.
I think the first time “Nanny, nanny, nanny” was used as a taunt was when a bunch of adorable cockney’s sang it at Mary Poppins right before she traded in her magical flying umbrella for a magical singing chainsaw. Come to think of it, that seems to be the last time it was used, too.
Since you got blasted in that dive and laughed at that dockworker’s cleft palate right before drunkenly groping his wife. Flesh-eating bacteria would have been a happier cause of death.
Dude, if the only way you can find your nuts is by smell, you seriously need to lose weight and get laid.
Nothing to laugh at here. I just want to point out that this sentence made the left side of my brain hurt.
** Precisely why do I not get a good shave with shave gel? **
Most people have better results with a razor.
**Why do my car headlights keep coming on? **
Because it’s dark?
Is Existentialism an obsolete philosophy?
Why does it matter?
**Is It Unforgivable to Question Whether a Gay Actor Is Too Femme for a Role? **
If it is, then there is no justification for asking this question. If it isn’t, there is no reason to ask this question.
**How is Toy Story 3 different to The Brave Little Toaster? **
One of them is about toys, while the other is about appliances?
**What to do with spare computer parts? **
Why not put them all together and make a spare computer?
a question for lesbians - Something I’ve never understood
Well, when two women love each other very much. . .
**Ask the Chick Who Was Recently Four, is Currently Five, and is Soon-to-be Six Months Pregnant **
Where do you see this going?
Trip to Maine, advice/suggestions?
Go somewhere else.
Breastfeeding in public- Are you OK with it?
Only if they brought enough to share.
Is this hate speech?
No, you ^%#@ing N-- F-- J-- K-- S-- W--! THIS is hate speech! &#^!!!
What is light
The opposite of dark
Where to find good hiking/walking boots
On experienced hikers
Help with drug addiction
Practice!
Sarcastic Answers to Thread Titles a Gogo
It will never catch on in the clubs.
Why would Republicans object to the $20 billion BP clean-up fund?
Well, when a Republican and an oil executive love each other very much . . .
How to rotate jpg pictures?
Turn your head.
** A couple of questions about New York**
Yes, that’s urine. No, living there doesn’t ever actually not suck.
"Groovy" and the MacDonald murders
There are a number of adjectives I would use to describe Ronald tripping out on bad acid and frying Mayor MacCheese’s head with a blowtorch and then sticking the Fries Guys in the microwave, but “groovy” would not be one of them.
**Weird itching crawly sensation on surface of right shin **
That’s not your shin.
**What use is an IRA? **
Well, when your annoying Protestant next door neighbor from London is reaaalllllyyyy pissing you off . . .
**Man starts cutting off arm after 12 hours… too soon? **
Well, it depends. If your arm is caught in a trap or under a boulder, and you’re in a fairly populated area with a good chance of rescue, then yes, 12 hours is too soon to cut off your arm. If the arm in question is holding an axe, and it belongs to your tweaked-out meth-head neighbor who thinks that you’re the Angel Gabriel come to steal all the Sudafed stashed under his front porch, then I’d say that 12 hours is really almost *past *time to cut it off.
**How did they know Pegasi 51 b is a gas giant? **
Seriously, did you ever had to bunk with Pegasi 51b after he ate six helpings of beans at the Boy Scout Jamboree? It was like having front row seats to the Oompah band from hell! Take my word for it, he’s a gas giant!!
I really like the thread idea, but my offerings would pale in comparison with these. Bravo.
Explain Suns General Manager Steve Kerr’s Fine?
Well, you see, it’s like this: Steve Kerr, the General Manager of the Suns, is just fine.
Pronounce Joran van der Sloot
“Joran van der Sloot.”
What next for the “Harry Potter” stars?
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, parts I and II.
How bullet-resistant is brick?
Shoot at a brick wall and let us know.
What the -bleep- is Postmodernism?
How the -bleep- should I know? Is it something from the future? Post - after. Modern - now. In other words After Now. So it occurs sometime next week, I guess.
Why do women wear lipstick/ Why are men turned on by it?
Duh! Because they are WOMEN, dude!
Business Laptop for the Emerging Mkts Road Warrior: Recommendations
Samsonite. Same guys who have gorillas jump on their luggage. They’ve gotta have something for this.
**Any English words obscene in other languages? **
All English words are obscene in other languages!
Amazon’s return policy - how consumer friendly?
Poor baby! You’re new toy doesn’t work? Shucks. We feel so sorry for you.
Recommend a “hideaway” book
I’d keep that porn hidden if I were you.
DO opera singers know what they’re singing?
ONLY the Italian ones.
What do you do with your flank steak?
Sorry, NSFW.
Characters hiding under our noses…
Well, your mouth does look a little like the Chinese for “door”.
**US Open (golf) Pool **
It’s a called a water hazard numb nuts!
** Boston Terrier, best breed for an apartment ? **
Only if you live in Boston.
Slow draining bathtub: what should I try first?
Take the plug out.
How many servings are there in a container of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream?
One. What did you expect?
**Texting on a First Date: Kosher or no? **
It’s only kosher if the texting device in question has been properly slaughtered according to Rabbinic law. Most 2G phones need little preparartion to be so slaughtered, but smartphones and 3G devices may need to be erased beforehand. The iPhone and most Android devices have a specialized app to perform the erasure. In all cases, the SIM card should be removed first.
**Could YOU Serve on a Firing Squad? **
Depends on which end of the rifle is pointing at me.
Shopping for movers–what should I be looking for?
Big, strong men.
Where did you go on field trips to when you were a kid?
They let me out of the basement.
**Do ugly Americans/Europeans really exist? **
Yes. The Internet provides ample proof of this.
WTF Chili’s - you ruined bacon?
Nobody can ruin bacon. It must have been sabotage.
How many people can see a plane in the sky?
All the ones within visual range.