OK, I’m too much of a wise-ass for my own good.
My immediate responses as I read down the list of threads in General Questions:
~ ~ ~
**Is it true that the average American uses more energy than a blue whale?
**-- Well, a blue whale who doesn’t own a decent size TV.
**Which cardio machine is better for weightloss?
**-- The one you’ll get on every day.
**Why are so many ‘redneck’ kids named Travis, Tyler and Cody?
**-- Hard to pronounce Chalmondoly without all your teeth.
**Why are pharmaceutical sales staff all attractive women?
**-- For the same reason your mom isn’t one.
**Menstruating Women
**-- …and other immediate dangers. Need Answer fast!
**Is this an invasion of privacy?
**–Yes. Get over it.
** An Antipodeal Christmas
**“Iiiii’m dreeeeeaming of an An Antipodeal Christmas…”
** Why Are Big Cities in America So Liberal?
**-- Smart people move off the farm. >:-}
**Why don’t people do crazy things?
**–They do. Where have you been? Obviously not at our house.
**Mail out $1 and earn $800,000 in 90 days
**-- Do you really need to ask? If so, give us an update… if your yacht has Wi-fi.
**Slick New Computers - Drawbacks?
**-- Biggest one: Ya Gotta Give Somebody Lots o’ Real Money To Get One.
**Office-desk labelling device/sticker/something
**-- For THIS you bother the finest minds of our generation? Open a catalog.
**Stranded in airport for a week…with no money. Now what?
**-- Now get some money and get out of the airport.
**Coincidental eclipses
**-- I much prefer the ones that happen for a reason.
**Ethernet cables - multiple types - too much information!
**-- Well, don’t come here. We’ll just give you more.
**Las Vegas off-strip casino hotels: who stays there?
**-- Your ex-GF… oh, I’m sorry. Were you asking who’s there with her?
**Can I bake a cake in a toaster oven?
**-- Can I make Baked Alaska with a hair dryer?
**Anyone know how to get black Sharpie marks off a laptop screen??
**-- OK, this one I have nothing snarky for. Just sympathy. Let us know how it turned out.
**Is inability to pay a bar tab an arrestable offense?
**-- I’d worry more about it being a whoop-ass-able offense.
**Mathletes: Two card-odds questions (blackjack and side bet)
**-- Sorry. Mathletes know enough about the odds not to gamble.
**How can mature adults produce young offspring?
**-- Y’see, this here’s the problem. Most adults do not wait til they’re mature to produce young offspring. Check local Wal-Mart or sporting events for examples.
**Facebook question
**-- Facebook answer: Back away from the screen. Get family member to unplug computer (you will not have the strength to do this). Turn to family member and engage in analog interaction. If said interaction begins with “Which Disney character are you?” seek professional help.
**Chimp vs. Brock Lesnar
**-- Chimp, if he’s prepared.
Your turn. Do you ever have that first reaction when you see a title?
And have you ever actually posted it? If so, you’re braver, or more cynical, than I am.
Oh, if so, what’s the snarkiest reply you’ve made? Do you regret it… or are you kind of proud of it?
