Yet Another Sarcastic Answers to Thread Titles

It has been too long.

When was the Old West?
In the past.

What exactly do ride operators at theme parks do?
Operate rides.

Garbage disposal just hums?
Too easy.

If you had to choose the method of your death, what would it be?
Heat death of the universe.

What perks do hot women get?
All of them.

keeping a girlfriend when asked tough questions
Of course it doesn’t make you look fat!

Is this sentence grammatically correct?

Isn’t there a program that automatically converts docx to doc?
Yes, just press the backspace key once.

What do mathematicians do if a proof tuns out to be wrong?
Redefine the problem.

So what’s so good about human fat?
Makes nice soap.

What can go wrong and cause an accident in a hot air balloon?
Not putting your son in it.

Know Anything about Electronic Cigarettes?

**Really mundane observation about cat’s eyes **
There are usually two of them.

Yet Another Sarcastic Answers to Thread Titles
Great, like we need another one of those.

Know Anything about Electronic Cigarettes?
The solid-state ones are more reliable, but some people prefer the “warm tones” of the tube-type.

**Santa just brought me a bunch of wine! **
He brought me some, too, and asked me if I liked gladiator movies.

**Infected belly button vs brain tumor **
The brain tumor, if it’s prepared.

**That’s not ‘a large handgun’ **
And I am NOT happy to see you!

**I just got accepted to NYU. I’m 32 years old. **
Persistance pays off. Most people would have settled for their safety school years ago.

Crash sucked. Nothing to do with Brokeback Mountain
*Citizen Kane *had exactly the same problem.

**New “Sherlock Holmes” Film - Predictions? **
Call it a hunch, but I think he’ll solve the case.

**Is this sentence grammatically correct? **
If you’re asking a question, yes. If you’re making a statement, no.

**Speed of Light question **
186,000 miles per second. Next question?

If you had to choose the method of your death, what would it be?
Answering stupid @#$%-ing questions like these.

Is this sentence grammatically correct?
“Grammatically correct” is redundant. Your question should be: Is this sentence grammatical?

Would you ask a guest not to bring their gun to Thanksgiving dinner?
Are you that bad a cook?

Evolution: why are there still monkeys, apes, chimps, etc.?
Why all the monkey hate? Can’t we all just get along?

Could Clinton Avoided Impeachment By Being Honest?
Define “could.”

Hamsters razor blades and eyebolts
Damn, I hate being a radiologist.

Is there any other way to get to Heaven?
Already screwed up the “follow the Ten Commandments” thing?

How do people get so fat?

"You’re calling to tell me my goats were having sex"
I am the goat. I’m calling to see if you’d like to join us for a threesome. All the mods have, c’mon!

Afghanistan explained, in one simple slide
[achmed the dead terrorist]That’s because when he started to make the second slide, I kiiiiiiiiiiiilled hiim. Shut up, I kiiiiiilllllll you.[/achmed]

What are you reading Oct '09 Edition

SDMB. Duh.

What are you reading Nov '09 Edition

Didn’t you hear me last month, assmunch?

What are you reading Dec '09 Edition

Ok, I’m going to say it realllll slooow this time…SSSSSS DDDDDDD MMMMMM BBBBBB.

Straight doper males - have you ever masturbated with another man?

Are you serious or just jerking with me?

Help Me Think of Something to Do With A Door, Please!

Don’t let it catch you in the ass on the way out!

hehehe okay am done

**Does nasal rinse work? **
If you’re looking to rinse your nose, yes. Otherwise, not so much.

What does your username say about you?
It says what my username is.

**Straight doper males - have you ever masturbated with another man? **
No, only with my hand.

Have you ever seriously considered killing yourself?
Yep, and I’ve done it, too. :rolleyes:

**Why does my parchment paper smoke? **
Peer pressure. Try getting it to hang with a better crowd.

Cyclists should stop at stop signs, right?
Nope, cyclists are above such petty considerations as the rule of the road.

What did they do to Hostess Fruit Pies? **
Ate them. What is this, rocket science?
Alternatives to miracles performed by Jesus

Miracles performed by Moses, Elijah, Daniel… take your pick.

How do people get so fat?
Genes. Specifically, genes which spontaneously appear in an age of cheap abundant food and widespread sedentary lifestyle. But it’s genetics, I tell you! Correlation doesn’t equal causation! :rant:

What’s all this talk about "Global Warming?"
A lot of hot air.

Okay to ask guest to leave their guns at home?
No, it’s a violation of their Second Amendment right to turn up armed to the teeth at coffee mornings.

**Why is Safari hanging up? **
Because it would get rumpled if you left it lying on the floor.

What is this thing on google earth?
That’s Earth. Surely you’ve heard of Earth? Third planet from Sun? Pop. 6,000,000,000? You’re standing on it?

Is there a technical term for a calendar month in which no full moon occurs?
No. Astronomers generally call it Jessica, because it sounds nice.

Locking or not car doors, which is safer.
Non-locking car doors tend to encourage theft. In any case, they are pretty much nonexistent on any car made after 1930, when cars in general were flimsy deathtraps. So it’s lockable doors “FTW,” as the youngsters would say.

How long do sauces, salad dressings etc last on the refrigerator?
Usually until some tidy person sponges them off. BTW, how are you getting salad dressing ON your refrigerator?

How Portable is the Airport Express (Mac)?
Very. It’s basically a Klondike bar with a USB port in the side. You put it in your laptop bag and haul a. And don’t call me Mac.

When was the Old West?
Sometime before the New West. But when was that?

The color of poo
Kinda brownish.

Eh. . . can someone find a website for me???

What exactly do ride operators at theme parks do?
Operate rides.

How do you increase the size of a page?
Make it bigger.

What Happens If I Report Illegal Income To The IRS?
Jail. With time off.

But, what’s the bag for?

Why doesn’t the monye of the world accumulate and result in inflation?
What’s monye?

What in the heck is in my water?
Hydrogen and oxygen.

Have you ever posted a deliberate lie on a SDMB?
Hell a no.

My cat’s lumpy.
The vet will iron that out.

Can a neti pot defeat waterboarding?
Homeopathy can, with the right dilution.

WTF is “funny” about telling someone an upsetting lie, then going “just joking, ha ha”???
It’s a blast! And your pants are on fire.

**Why is Safari hanging up? **

Because you’re coming off as too needy. Dude, just don’t call for a couple of days, and Safari will call you.

186,282.397 miles per second.
Last time I looked, anyway.

Yet Another Sarcastic Answers to Thread Titles
Oh great, just when I was ready to go to bed.

Can I shoot the crows outside my window?
With some care and a gun, yes.

Can North Korea enter the 21st century successfully
Can’t we just pretend we’ve not noticed they’re gone?

Why do Parents count in months post the one year mark?
It makes the time seem to go by faster.

Straight doper males - have you ever masturbated with another man?
Call be uncreative, but I generally use my hands.