You are such a FUCKER.

The BBQ Pit
1

GOD DAMN YOU. What the fuck is wrong with you?!

Background: There’s this guy that I absolutely fell in love with, we’ll call him… say… Conner. Several months ago, I told Conner how I felt, and he told me “wow! I feel the same way!” And it was fine. And then, it became “well, let’s try being friends.” And it was mutual. And it was fine.

And then it was him saying “I want to try it again with you, more seriously.” And I liked. And so I met the parents, they liked me, and we hung out some. And we became, if nothing else, really good friends. Or so I thought.

SO anyway… he knows I’m a very attached person. I become attached to people very quickly and very strongly. And so, about 2 weeks ago he met this guy who he told me was straight. And I would jibe him and ask if he was interested in him and if anything was gonna happen, and he told me “no, of course not, I don’t like him”. So, the other night, I asked him out again. He didn’t say yes or no, more of a “well, I’m not sure… I like you, so keep liking me, and we’ll see what happens.” This is pretty much the same response I’ve gotten for a while now. And, thinking this guy is different… he’s very nice, and I like him for reasons I can’t even fathom explaining, I keep waiting for him. Mainly because he tells me he does like me, but certain situations keep preventing much from happening.

So, come to find out tonight, before he left for the weekend, he told a friend of mine how he really felt for (and of the numerous “things he had done with”) this guy.

And my question is… how the FUCK can you lead someone on for months, KNOWING ALL THE TIME that they’re becoming MORE AND MORE attached to you, and THEN, when directly ASKED if something else is going on, LIE, COVER IT UP, and CONTINUE to lead me on? I can handle it if he had just said “look, I’d rather just be friends” – but no, I never got that. I never got the HONESTY. Instead, I got lies and misleadings. Even as the GOOD FRIENDS he claimed that we were, he still owed me an honest answer.

What the hell kinda friendship is that? How can a person fucking DO that?

Men fucking SUCK.

2

That guy is a jerk. Cliche, but you are better off without him.

3

I know, I know… but I don’t know how to make myself know that. :-/

4

It’s tough to tell people things they don’t want to hear. i.e. “I like the attention, but I don’t like you.”
Especially if he is lonely. I’ve been in a similar, heterosexual situation. 'Cept I was the heartless bastard who did the leading-on. If it makes you feel any better, I apologize on behalf of lying, lonely men.

5

If he is gay or bi, maybe he’s looking for a beard, someone who makes him look straight.

6

Civil D…try dating straight guys next time…

Sam

7

How did he do it? Simple, he was/is scared to be alone.

Just as you say you ‘get attached easily’, he has a problem not feeling secure with by himself AND even in relationships.

Have compassion for him. Imagine the lengths he goes to ensure he has ‘backups’ all the time, because he’s so scared to be alone. He can’t be feeling good inside.

8

First, you walk away. You know you need to, you know its the right thing to do, grow the balls and do it.

Then you cry some in the privacy of your own home.

Then you do other things and revel in your free-er life as much as you possibly can.

9

A man leading a woman on? How dare that scumsucking bastard! It’s clearly only ever meant to be the other way around.

10

Civil Defense: I’ve been in a very similar situation, and I totally sympathize. I’m tempted to call the guy a bastard, but it’s more likely he’s just a coward (Why? Why are men such cowards?) Tell him off, then take a road trip up here. You bring the Ben and Jerry’s, and I’ll get the liquor and sappy movies. It’ll be fun.

11

Umm, several of these responses seem to assume Civil Defense is a woman. I’m pretty sure he is, in fact, a man.

On the topic of the OP, I have nothing really to offer except my sympathies. Definitely a sucky situation. :frowning: I’m sure you can do better than this guy, Civil D.

12

it’s always so frustrating when things don’t work the way we want them to. your best friend right now is time, it’s hell, but as time passes it hurts less and the anger fades.

13

Don’t tempt me :smiley:

Thank you guys for pointing out to me the fact that he’s more of a coward than anything. I have to admit that I’m seeing the truth in that he’s afraid, but it’s still hard. Right now it’s easy because he’s on vacation, but I know once he gets back things will get… crazy.

14

Holy shit!

It was just such a…such a…feminine-sounding post. My deepest apologies.

Sam

15

Hey, I’m in Richmond, too:). We’ll get all the Richmond-area Dopers and kick his ass (okay, not literally). Seriously, though, the best revenge is to get on with your life. If he knows that he’s having an effect on you, he may continue playing games. Don’t let him have the upper hand.

Ava