I have the image in my mind of an amorous ant crawling up an indifferent cow’s leg, all the while assuring her that he will be gentle.
theuglytruth said:
Others have already pointed this out, but you probably don’t believe them (Hell, you probably won’t believe me either, but what the heck) – if you “think” that was aimed at you, then you really give yourself far too much importance. One little part mentioned the article you submitted. The rest was just a general discussion about trolls. But, hey, if you want to admit to being a troll, far be it from me to disagree.
ROFL! You truly are an idiot.
Yeah. It’s so well-researched and fact-based that you keep avoiding the opportunity to post it, 'cus you know the Teeming Millions will rip you a new asshole. I had been saving it (along with all the problems I’d scribbled in the margins while reading it), but it wasn’t worth the space. It’s in a landfill now – which is where it belongs.
Nope. A different viewpoint is fine. A viewpoint totally unsupported by facts is not. Yours was in the latter category.
ROFL! Like I said, you truly are an idiot.
And I did. Perhaps you have a reading problem (Lord knows you have a writing problem).
Yeah. Your turn to avoid the opportunity to post your alleged evidence.
Hey… Maybe you really are he-who-shall-not-be-named…
Go away, troll.
:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
Bullshit. Post the article. Put up or shut up.
Three stars you say??? ta ha tha ree stars??? tut you cruel bastard.
My 11 year old son read your review and said, “Daddy, why did you only get 3 stars from Mr.theugly truth and most of the others got 4 or 5? Huh daddy? Are you not as talented as the rest of those guys? Dad, I thought you were the best at everything! I guess you aren’t.”
This is how he looked. 
Mrs. aha became curious about the whole matter and read your review. After which she sighed and said, " I have always suspected that you were a 3rd rate writer and not the ** real** man I married. She left this morning with lil’ aha.
I am not saying that your review caused this but my boss called me in this morning and told me that the school board was thinking about a non-renewal of my contract. He confided in me that at least one board member in my district had read your SD review and had lost all confidence in me as an educator of young minds. So I will be terminated in the spring.
I haven’t seen my cat in 2 days.
So here I sat alone, a big three star loser.
theuglytruth I hope you have a merry christmas…
Who are you? I don’t even recognize your name.
You mean I’m NOT? Actually you do bring up a good point. I let my Prozac run out Thursday night.
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Mark WHO???
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I apparently sit corrected. David only used HALF the article to trash me.
I feel so much better now.
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Why should I? Besides, Cecil won’t meet my $1000 asking price.
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Well, David DID say some mean things about me in the BBQ Pit, and I’ve had a life affecting complex ever since. I am happy to report that I can still achieve a full erection, however.
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No. Only when the editor of Teemings brings it up.
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Because deep down you know YOU LOVE IT!!!
ADMIT IT!! BOW TO YOUR MASTER!!!
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Only when it pertains to the mass wholesale slaughter of Internet geeks such as yourself.
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See now, that just isn’t right. How can you say something so mean spirited this close to Christmas?
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Patience, my friend. If you and all the other Dopers behave, you just STILL might get to see it!
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With reasoning like that, you just HAVE to be a Penn State graduate.
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That won’t be hard, trust me.
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Only if you beg. BEG LIKE THE DOGS THAT YOU ARE!!!
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Oh yeah. Like I need some nut job from the Straight Dope spamming my email box. Nice try, smart guy.
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Well, actually, yes, you are.
But don’t worry, Eucalyptus. I’ll be sure to trash you real good next time.
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WOW! Terrence and Phillip! You guys are my favorite cartoon!!!
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I’m not sure which was worse: that you just wrote one of the worst run on sentences I’ve ever seen.
Or that you used the word “Fuck” 37 times. Great reasoning, too. Oxford Debate Club material.
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Yes, yes we established that about 14 posts ago. Is there ANYTHING constructive you have to offer to this discussion, genius?
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Well, I’m just all broken hearted inside to hear that. If you were his friend, I bet his name is now “He Who Did Lots of Drugs, Had No Job, Had No Life, Had No Girlfriend, and Ended Up Hanging Himself Because His Friends Were All Assholes Like Him Too”
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You know, now I feel really bad.
Aha, I’ll bump you up to 3 1/2 stars.
Ugly, I hope you choke on the bile you spew.
Well I’m done spreading Christmas cheer for today.
Which explains everything above.
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[quote]
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Why the nasty names? I didn’t call you any mean names. Why can’t we all just try to be nice?
This is a time of healing for our nation. Let us bring together our differences and divisions, and unite as one!
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See? Once again, I told one of the Dopers that I might still post the article. Now, you crossed the line, and that will definitely NEVER happen now!
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Rumor has it you were scribbling 1-900 numbers in the margins after watching a late night “We Are 18” commercial. I do resent however the crust you left on my manuscript. I have two words for you- PAPER TOWELS.
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You mean you buried the article behind your house?
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So, you call me an idiot and have no facts to back it up. What makes you any better?
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You know, I sense some hostility here. Some anger. Lack of sleep? Sex? Come on Davey, this is your old pal, Ugly here! You can talk to me! What’s eating at you!
Cecil late with that free coffee mug again?
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Now see, that really hurt. Coming from such a Rhodes Scholar as yourself, it really crushes me deep inside that my writing does not meet your high standards.
Sniff.
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Well, without Trolls, your existence as a Moderator would be totally useless, and you would actually have to get up from that chair you obviously sit in 12 hours a day and get a . . GACK . . .J-O-B.
Actually, as I posted TWICE . . .I was . . get this . . WRONG and that was not me-David “He who shall eat crow if and when I decide to grace everyone on this site with my article.” B
Bullshit again. David posted that comment about 3 hours before you mentioned the possibility of “posting it if the Dopers are all good”. I doubt you have ever had any intention of posting the article, and highly suspect that’s because David is correct in his assessment.
I also highly suspect your claim of getting paid $1000 to write an article about DUI laws (or any article). Perhaps you might care to provide the names of the articles and publications? No? Is it because these articles are nonexistant? Of course not. People never make false claims over the internet, right?
Perhaps the fact that it would be obvious to my parents’ dog that you’re acting exactly like an idiot?
Does this sound like an admission to being a troll?
Thank the IPU for small favors…
Ugly said:
It should.
Aha, I’ll bump you up to 3 1/2 stars.
Too late to suck up now tut. Keep your half star. The damage has been done. I hope you can live with yourself.
Also you’re gonna feel real stupid when I eventually write that string of best selling “page turners” and become known internationally as the next significant literary tour de force.
Is this what you do all day? Monitor exactly what time David and post back and forth to each other? Scary.
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Never say never!
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Really? You think? Oh, MAN, Kit, you just busted me!!! All right I admit- Cecil really is NOT going to pay me $1000. Drat! Foiled again!!! I just canNOT put one over on you people, can I?
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What articles and publications? What the hell are you talking about?
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I never claimed to write “articles for publications”. Where do you get this stuff?
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Perhaps the fact that it would be obvious to my parents’ dog that you’re acting exactly like an idiot? **
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You got me on that one. Especially since my guess is that your dog has all the brains in the family.
" THE END OF OUR WORLD by Speaker for the Dead
Is this Christmas or Halloween? God, poets are tortured souls. This poem will want to make you want to invest in Prozac and St, John’s Wort. (4 STARS) "
That’s the IDEA. I was paid by the pharmacieutical industry to get people on their anti-depressants 
TUT,
Do you realise there are limits and rules as to how posters can behave around here?
I’d say you’re walking the line, buddy. Watch your step.
TUT,
while you may be an unsympathetic grouch,
I find you kind of entertaining myself.
However, you might want to tone it down just a fraction.
Isn’t this supposed to be ‘the Pit’? I might be wrong here, but I think I’ve read/seen worse in the past.
I’m just happy that Teemings Extras didn’t get reviewed as well. I would be unhappy over here in France, knowing I received a “0.5 stars” review on Cecil Cove. Lord knows that would be the most stressful thing I’ve experienced in the last two weeks. :eek: