It’s not that simple to me. In my world, nice people occasionally do nasty things. Particularly if they seem society sanctioned.
Is any wrong retaliation unacceptable? If she’d smashed something of his, would she forfeit sympathy? If she’d walked off with a joint bank account? If she’d deliberately said something really hurtful? If she’d screamed “You fuck!” at him in a public place? Is there a line?
Please, tell me.
Or are you saying something physical is always wrong because it can escalate? Well, maybe. But make that argument, don’t just say “always unnacceptable.”
Or is everyone else assuming she put him in hospital, and refusing to tell me that? If I’m working on false assumptions, tell me, don’t just say I’m wrong!
torie, not everyone thinks you’re icky, just the high-and-mighty more-peaceful-than-thou types. I feel sorry for you. Yeah, you sound like you’re pretty fucked up right now. You’d have to be in order to go off like that. Sounds like your ex was an emotional abuser, and he pushed you to your breaking point. Everyone has a breaking point, everyone. You beat an dog down over and over again, eventually he’s going to snap at you. Your ex kicked you out on your ass with no notice for chrissakes. You have been through the wringer here, and you made a mistake, admitted to it and sought help. Good for you. Maybe it was, um, tacky? to ask for flirting (whether it was joking or not) but in your time of trouble, I don’t think it is helping to have people pile up on you like the morality police. Was your ex injured? Did he bleed or break any bones? Did he run away, or try to defend himself? Sounds like you didn’t do too much damage, thankfully…it sounds like he did a lot more damage to you than you did to him. Hang in there, girl.
Um, that’s the point…I don’t think that she “beat” him up by any means.
I’d like to see what you’d do if you walked in on your husband having sex with another woman in your bed, or if kicked you out with no warning, or anything like that. You may say, with a rational mind, that you wouldn’t dare strike out at him, but when you go through an emotional trauma, it’s a whole other ballgame. You don’t know what you’d do because it’s never happened. Some people have gotten off on murder charges because the crime happened “in the heat of passion.”
Smashing something of his while childish does not have the potential to cause him any physical harm.
Walking off with a joint bank account can be considered stealing in some cases but again, no physical harm.
Hurting his feelings…ditto.
Calling him a name…same deal.
To me, putting your hands on someone is never called for other than maybe in disciplining a child or self defense or because they want your hands on them.
I don’t think Torie is icky and I hope it all works out for her. However, if she doesn’t take from this instance that hitting someone is wrong (which I think she gets) then what about the next boyfriend that might not work out? What if she hits him and he decides to haul off and hit her back?
So, yes…things can escalate…Torie could be the one in danger if given the wrong boyfriend and the wrong situation.
Fair enough. But she said straight after “I’m lucky he didn’t call the cops. Needless to say, I went straight to my local mental health center and am now in some counseling.” Maybe I’m reading it wrong. But to me it sounds like she genuinely regrets it. She didn’t sound like she was boasting, she sounded like she wanted to post the complete situation.
Ya know, to be quite honest, some people just deserve to get their ass beat. For example if I was walking down the street and saw a guy smacking his wife around, trying to kidnap a child, raping someone, etc. I’d beat his motherfucking ass (well, if I was a big burly guy).So there you go, call me evil or whatever, but I bet if someone was molesting your child or smacking your daughter or whatever, you’d be throwing some punches too.
torie’s ex-bf sounds like a first-class asshole to me. He definetly was an emotional abuser. Emotional abuse can affect someone so much that they might do something they wouldn’t normally do, such as in torie’s case.
Yes, nyctea, because a man raping a woman is an exactly perfect analogy to a guy breaking up with his girlfriend. Kudos.
There’s a difference between hitting someone in self defense and going to someone’s house and beating them up to make YOURSELF FEEL BETTER.
And as for me walking in on my husband or whatever, I HAVE been in some wicked ass situations like that (not that particular one) and guess what? I refrained from hitting the person. I’ve never punched a person in my life. EVER.
No I wasn’t comparing the ex-bf to a rapist. I was just responding to the unequivocal statements here that “beating up others is wrong” and “putting your hands on someone is never called for,” etc., etc. There are some exceptions out there.
Please re-read my posts. I never ever said that. For the record, it was not OK for her to lash out at her ex physically. Please read my words and don’t create in your head opinions I never had.
My main point he is that torie is not the monster you all are making her out to be. The girl has been emotionally abused and was pushed to her breaking point by a traumatic situation. She “lost a boyfriend, a home, and a job,” and she lost her composure for a moment there, but she did the right thing and is seeking help. Cut the girl a break, geeez.
Does everyone feel that way? I’ve said I would expect a large proportion, maybe most, of people to find it “acceptable” for a woman to hit a man in a non-permanently-damaging way when her provocation is significant but non-physical. You disagree.
Well, at least this is a matter of fact, not opinion. Is there any way of finding out what proportion thinks what? Straw poll? Am I being overly cynical and oldfasioned? Are you being overly optimistic about people?
This has come up a few times, both in terms of age and some ephemeral “wisdom.” If you check her profile, she’s 22. I don’t think that you can hold someone like that to the same standards as say a 14 year old.
There is a glaring difference between cutting a gal a break and creating a giant blinking smilie heart that says how sexy she is in a thread about beating up her boyfriend.
Do you not agree?
My reaction in that thread is “good thing you’re in counseling, because you’re WHACK”
