Thanks, Jess. Excellent post. I agree with this especially:
I think a lot of people wish they had a parent like you!
Yeah, I know. But some… no, most… wait, 99.99% of kids will never be capable of cracking that code… agreed?
Changing the thread a little bit, I’d like to extend the OP to:
What obligation does a parent have to a child in readying them for the cruelties of the “real world”?
Acco: What obligation does a parent have to a child in readying them for the cruelties of the “real world”?
I think a lot of the things that have been said here are germane to that: namely, encourage them to keep trying, support them in what they really want to do, don’t try to hide or gloss over the real difficulties or insurmountable barriers (if any), don’t condemn or denigrate them if they try and fail.
Another strategy that I haven’t seen mentioned yet, but that I think is very important, is to teach them about the need to have compassion and sympathy for others who are suffering from the cruelties of the real world. “Yes honey, we’re buying some extra groceries so we can take them down to the soup kitchen for the homeless people. That’s right, some people get sick or lose their jobs and don’t have any money, so they need some help getting food and shelter.” “Shh dear, don’t laugh at the dancer because she fell down and ran off the stage crying. She was trying to do something very difficult and she made a mistake; don’t make her feel worse by making fun of her.”
Shows them in a realistic, non-punitive form the sorts of pitfalls that are out there (and could happen to them), and teaches them how to recognize failure in a clear-eyed but sympathetic way. If they learn how to refrain from trashing other people for the occasional inevitable failure in life, who knows, they might even grasp the concept of how to avoid trashing themselves for it too.
Until I can figure out a way of identifying the kids that make up that 0.01% (personally, I think it’s a lot more than that figure, but no matter), so that we can encourage them, while comforting the remaining 99.99% and preparing them to accept their dull, grey, uneventful future, I can’t see how we can make any progress…
Honestly, I think that preparing kids to accept mediocrity is going to be generally more harmful than encouraging them to try to transcend their limitations, maybe “you can do anything at all” is a bit too much, but I honestly don’t se the harm in “you never know until you try” and “if at first you don’t succeed, try again” (as long as it’s balanced with patience and understanding of what’s physically impossible).
Mangetout:
My 99.99% reference was to my WAG odds of children who will not someday solve the “faster than light” conundrum, as you had mentioned in an earlier post. Sorry if there was confusion.
But while I’m here, I have to address this:
Are you saying that since life sucks, we should shelter our children from this horrible reality for as long as possible so that, upon the realization that their dreams are unreachable (due to factors way beyond their control), they plunge into the depths of mediocrity (and latent depression/disillusionment) head first?
I’m arguing that it would be a little healthier to bite your tounge when encouraging kids to aspire to “dreams” which are clearly unattainable.
I say, encourage your children to succeed, but only under the pretenses that hard work and dedication will only give you a chance for success.
No, if anything I’m saying that we need to keep on encouraging them, although best not to encourage them to try things that are genuinely impossible (like flying or breathing underwater).
On balance, I feel that the small risk of disappointment from failed dreams is greatly outweighed by the sense of self-worth imparted by achievement through hard toil.
Within legal, ethical and moral boundaries, I think children should be encouraged to seize opportunities (they may not come around again) and to put in all the effort they can muster.
Of course, the extremes in either direction (failed expectant dreamer vs apathetic couch potato) are to be avoided, but whilst avoiding the extremes, I’d still settle on a point nearer the dreamer end of the scale.
Here’s your problem, Acc-Acc ole bean. Life dosen’t suck, life rocks. I say that even after 34 years on this planet, going thru a divorce ( and if that isn’t the definition of things not turning out as planned, I dunno what is), I’ve had my share of heartbreak, money woes, as much grief as you can imagine, and you know what? Life STILL rocks. I take it by the throat, and each day I make it better and better. I’ve fallen down, been kicked in the groin, but I learned from those experiences, and things are going well in my life right now. Life’s what you make it. Start from the premise “life sucks” and you’ll be right, and not incidentally, only a step or two away from being one of seriousfart’s statistics.
Agreed Dave, life certainly doesn’t suck, it’s the best thing we have and the alternatives look poor by comparison.
Mea Culpa for posting “serious” when I meant “seethru” sorry about that.
Weirddave:
It was posted as a hypothetical question to Mangetout. That’s all.
Oh come on…
How many of us do things where if we knew all the “realities” and obstacles we face doing them ahead of time, we wouldn’t even attempt? Heck, people even attempt things knowing full well what the dangers and realities are, and know they can lose their lives.
There are certain physical characteristics that would preclude someone from being a brain surgeon (spasticity for instance) but beyond that I say let Jimmy give it his best shot. He’ll figure it out. He’ll learn what his limitations are (and are not) and be better for it.
Well kids don’t live in the real world so its ok to say ’ you can do it’.
Then they become teenagers and say ‘lifes not fair, i can’t do everything boo hoo why aren’t i super smart, good looking and have rich parents ?’.
Then they become adults and say ‘life is not fair but i can hack it’.
‘take it by the throat’… accept the cut and thrust of the ‘struggle for existance’ and still smile…
you got balls…
you are the man !