[QUOTE=fetus]
Think that’s bad? When I was 18, I had a Q-tip each stuck up my rear and then one up the other end–yes, in both “out” holes–for $50.
(It was part of a (legitimate, academic) study at a major university.)
[/QUOTE]
I would have only charged $10.
(yes I know what you meant, but ignoring that fact made my joke work.)
I’m sure you’re kidding, but looking back my post was ambiguous – I meant that I got paid $50.
Well, it sounds like a trip up the 5 is in order. 
No, no, no, you’ve got it all wrong. It’s supposed to be “Get that thing out of my asshole right fucking now!” At least that’s how the kids these days say it.
Besides, I hear that you’re crummy in bed, maybe you should take some “pointers” from Dr. finger-sphincter.
Ya, I could have combined the treads.
“Honey, pull your toast out of my ass.”
[QUOTE=Napier]
I had an exam up there that took a couple minutes, and the Dr. started chatting, like it’s going to distract me or something. He asked me if I had any hobbies, anything I especially enjoyed doing.
I said I really enjoyed not inserting things into my anus.
[/QUOTE]
That’s fucking hilarious. That I want to insert (ha!) into conversation, too.