Who said it was a “right”? It’s merely being pointed out that it happens. People in pain or who have a chemical imbalance sometimes lash out. The attitude I took exception with is that you seem to think it is 100% controllable. That’s not necessarily the case.
Women, in general do not take 3-5 days off per month. They work through the pain. Which sometimes makes them snappish, as forcing yourself to do something while in pain or when hormones are raging through your body requires that you concentrate on two things at once. As I said earlier, OTC meds do lessen the symptoms, but they don’t relieve them entirely, so occasionally, as human beings are wont to do, women will snap or act emotionally.
No, it’s because you refuse to accept facts. It has nothing whatever to do with “control.” I think that’s the word I take exception to the most. Most women do control themselves, insofar as they’re able. Sometimes they’re just not able. You continue to insist they are because now we have pills for that. And you continue to insist that based on your experiences with other illnesses, and the experiences of a couple other women in this thread, that must therefore mean the women who do experience PMS just need to change their diet, take a couple pills and suck it up. Not. The case.
Ogreita consistently equivocates by calling a request for reasonable accomodation ‘removing oneself from the world.’ Sadly, it is his best rhertorical trick.
It’s a guy thing. We’ve all been told “get up, you ain’t hurt,” our whole lives. The shrewder of us understand the irony, and only repeat it with that in mind.
Whoa. You had me until, “at least, not at work.” Do you really believe a person has the right to spread bad feelings around to people around them at home as well? I think that’s insane. You do NOT have the right to take your issues out on someone else. Ever.
I suppose it’s a good thing that I never said anything remotely like that. However, for MOST (not EVERY. See the difference?) women, the problem is well-known, reasonably predictable (irregular periods can be a sign of something more severe as well,) and manageable. The National Institutes of Health agree.
Well, to be fair, this whole thing started from talking about issues at home, not work. I realize that I did mention the workplace at one point, and that was a mistake. It’s your sick leave. How you use it is between you and your boss.
However, at home, a lot of times your (and here I’m using the collective “your” again) presence is needed. You should be left alone whenever possible, but it’s simply not always possible. Sorry.
I’m sorry. You must be thinking of Contrapuntal’s twisted depiction of what I actually said. All I really said is that I can’t just completely leave her alone, even during PMS, and if I’m forced to interact with her, I would appreciate her being civil. What the hell is “extremely disrespectful” about that? Are you people out of your tree?
Another inaccurate quote. You can do better than that. What I said, reiterating, and the NIH agrees, is that for most women, PMS is effectively self-treatable.
That was solely your idiocy, and if I were you, I’d be embarrassed to bring it up.
So you’re saying that PMS removes all trappings of civilization from the Womanly Brow, rendering her a raging Hyde-esque beast who has no control over her actions? Horseshit. In most cases, it evinces itself as relatively minor (in the overall spectrum of human issues,) but extremely annoying snappishness, etc. Yes, I do believe that’s controllable. I also believe the people around you (the women in question) aren’t really the cause of the pain, and that pain should not be taken out on them. Ever. That’s just basic human interaction, and I’m stunned that so many people seem to think it’s an untenable position.
Acting emotionally=no big deal. Snapping=no big deal. Snapping AT another person who is not the cause of your pain=unacceptable. Wait 10 seconds and hit the wall or something.
Hey, pard, I’m just going with the thread. This all started with lisacurl saying (and once again I quote,) “There is roughly a 3-5 day period once every few months when if I say, “Please leave me alone, I’m not feeling well,” I fucking mean it with all of my heart and soul.” This pretty well implies “removing oneself from the world,” or at least from human interaction. You see, she really, really, reallyreally means it. Leave me alone. It says so right there.
Unfortunately, that’s not always possible.
Based on your twisted edits of my actual statements in this thread, I’d be extremely hesitant to refer to you as “shrewd,” unless of course, by shrewd, you mean dishonest.
My goodness. No one is ever allowed to have the human failing of making a mistake and taking something out on someone else. Ever. Because, of course, you never do. It isn’t forgiveable, no matter what the cause. Good to know.
Once again, you misinterpreted “this happens sometimes” as “We have this right!” No one is claiming a “right” to anything. It happens. It’s usually apologized for. I find it hard to believe you are such a superior specimen of humanity that you’ve never done it.
Way to totally misinterpret what I said. One more time: I’m sorry you don’t like my responses, but the plain fact of the matter is people regardless of their gender on occasion lash out in anger when they are in pain. By all means, it’s not their finest moment, but considering the level of pain and/or the hormone fluctuations they may be undergoing, I see no problem in cutting them some slack. Half the time (from my observations only, YMMV) people aren’t aware that they’re being that aggressive or argumentative when in pain. Especially if I just shut my mouth and take it, instead of saying “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel I deserved that response.”
You need to get past this. Whether it should or should not happen, the fact remains that it does. Dictating terms isn’t going to change it. Hell, I personally don’t think I should ever have to do another peer review. EVER. Something tells me I’m still going to be exposed to them. If it upsets you, by all means say something. “I don’t think your reaction is appropriate.” will suffice. That’s just basic consideration, and I’m stunned you feel everyone should automatically bend to your will.
No, it means “I’m sorry, I really am not feeling well at this moment. Could you possibly get back to me in a bit?” It’s amazing you understand that it’s not always possible to wait, but you can’t comprehend it’s not always possible to control one’s swinging hormones. To me, this reads that you want everyone else to set aside what they are currently coping with to deal with what YOU want.
I had thought earlier you just didn’t understand the chemical/physical/psychological changes women go through during PMS. I was wrong. You totally get it. You just think it’s a) not as bad as they’re making it out to be (possible, but not for you to determine) b) totally controllable so long as a woman is “taking care of herself” or c) irrelevant, and taking out a bad mood on someone else is unforgiveable and we should all be machines who react completely logically in every situation and never ever react inappropriately because this is a perfect world and dammit, we need to get with the program.
Well, thanks. You’ve just established what is a given for the thread: that women sometimes take their hormonal issues out on men. Bravo.
I, not surprisingly, knew that.
But it is equally human to react to that anger by yelling back. There’s no arguing with it. It happens. We’re human.
Therefore, it is just as human to escalate that anger even further by, say, slinging personal insults. No arguments. It’s human. It happens.
No, we’re not going to get anywhere that way. Far better for the person with whom that anger originates realizes that the person upon whom they are taking out their anger is not the source of their pain.
See? Easy. You agree with me after all. This is exactly what I’ve been saying. It does not make me a monster (or an Ogre, if you prefer,) to call attention to the person’s bad behavior. The only addition I would make is that it is ALSO reasonable to request that the person in question keep their own behavior in mind and try not to repeat it.
I’ve been trying to convince doctors for years that my headaches are not migraines. They keep insisting that they are - multiple doctors. So my doctor would disagree with your diagnosis for my headaches - which can be mild and can be bad - but are life impacting several times a month.
(I have no classic migraine symptoms - no aura, no vomiting (almost never), no light sensitivity. I do have throbbing pain on one side of the head - which I think is a tension/sinus thing, but they don’t.)
Yes, it would. But don’t count on it. Try being the bigger person. I know it isn’t always easy, but it is worth the effort. You will in all likelihood start seeing that response from the person you’re talking about. Or even general people you’re talking about. “Sorry, I snapped, I didn’t mean to. Thanks for understanding.” Instead of snapping back, take a deep breath yourself. Sometimes as you said, it’s going to escalate, but if that person sees you making the effort, in all likelihood she’ll make the effort as well.
You can’t demand respect. It’s earned. You can’t demand things go your way without making some effort to meet in the middle. You are going to have to be willing to give in order to get; that’s the way it works with just about everything, why should this be any different?
Well, because it happens on a repeated basis, of course. It’s tied to a phenomenon which is well-understood, and relatively predictable. If if were a single (or even just a few) occurrences, I’d agree with you. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work that way. I’m human. My patience wears thin. At that point, it’s not just my responsibility to soak up the abuse and turn the other cheek. It’s her responsibility to avoid attacking for no reason.
A bitch is a bitch, regardless of her current medical state. A bitch will also try to find any justification she can for her bitchiness. This idea flows right into the talk of periods and bitchiness.
But hey, my opinion is much more valid than the men saying the same in this thread- all because I’ve got a uterus! Yay! Ovary power. Or something. :rolleyes:
shrug
Then again, you’re talking about a specific person. If you’ve discussed it to death and she’s refused to attempt to address the issue, then I’d say you’re stuck. Unless you decide that it simply isn’t worth putting up with til she goes into menopause and starts acting that way all the time and just up and leave. But I’m not talking about a specific person, so you’ll have to let me know when you make these jumps from the general to the specific.
It is possible to generalize from the specific. I have reason to believe that I am no the only one on this planet who has noted the phenomenon. See also, the OP, as well as several other posters who have admitted that, yes, some women take advantage of their PMS in that way.
It happens on a repeated basis in your house, in your relationship – you continue to revisit the same point, but it’s boiling down to the fact that the only woman who causes you problems by claiming immunity from consequence for her bitchiness because of PMS is your wife. From which you have made sweeping generalizations and statements about all women with PMS. This is stuff you should be telling HER, not the SDMB.
No dear, I have not. However, since you bring it up, I am obviously not alone in having noted that some women do this. Read the thread again, and I’m sure you’ll see what I mean.
Some, yes. Some does not equal “all”. Certainly not a majority, and certainly not enough to make a blanket statement. Generalizations are rather frowned on here because they’re usually wrong. Funny how that works out.
Good thing I didn’t generalize, then! Whew! I definitely included my specific case, plus any other case where the symptoms (PMS, attacking other people) are applicable. This is not a blanket statement, and if you took it as such, that was your mistake.
Oh, I thought it was because talking about your wife’s period with her was the highlight of your month.
It’s sweet of you to be concerned about my husband’s sexual satisfaction though. I’ll make sure I tell him of your interest. But I haven’t heard any complaints from him.