Why doesn’t your wife take some of the medical advice you’ve been posting here? Or did I miss that?
For some people PMS/periods are manageable, for others it’s not. There’s no way to really determine how much pain another person is in. I guess except for that bout of the flu you’ve never suffered from any type of cronic pain and had to work or deal with people.
Try a little experiment- wrap a rubber band around your testicles and snap it every 15 minutes or so, and let us know how pleasant and fun to be with you are. Develop a little empathy.
Nope, but thanks for asking it. It’s an intelligent question. Sometimes she does, but it usually takes a run-in for her to do it.
Sure I have. I don’t take my pain out on other people, that I know of. At least, I’ve never been told I do…and I would hope that someone would mention it if I did.
I doubt you’d see me snap at or yell at anybody else for pain I’m inflicting on myself. That would just be ridiculous.
Thanks for the advice folks, I take iron supplements
In spite of the testosterone being thrown around willy-nilly in here, I would guess that most people can tell the difference between someone in obvious discomfort requesting to be left alone and someone using PMS as an excuse to be a bitch.
I know everyone’s everything is different and we should all hold hands and sing Kumbaya and never take issue with anything.
Every time I deal a tournament I have to go over a set of rules, sometimes I can read the rules 7+ times a day to virtually the same people. The rules never change and have to spell out some pretty basic stuff, like no profanity, don’t use your cell phone at the table (AT the table, turning your head doesn’t take you off the table, being out of the hand doesn’t take you off the table, moving your ass takes you off the table). My point being, of the 10 rules I read, ONE of them is a house rule, the others are common sense. I feel like at best I should have to say “Act like a reasonable human being.” and that should cover the other 9 rules. IMHO, act like a reasonable human being is a pretty good rule for life. We aren’t discussing folks who are acting reasonable, well, it doesn’t seem that way to me. We are discussing people who use a pretty lame excuse to excuse behavior that is unacceptable. I have to maintain myself regardless of how I feel, what is going on at home, or what the degenerate gambler at the last table did to me. It is called being professional. Throwing out “I’m PMS’ing” to excuse behavior issues YOU are exhibiting is disgraceful for every other woman out there who takes responsibility for her own actions, regardless of what may be going on. Ultimately, it isn’t about your period. It is about accepting responsibility for you to control your shit.
It also opens the door for asshole guys to make bullshit comments. I had a player who was being a complete jerk who I had to remind of the rules who then said “Sure thing, Miss PMS.” I pointed out to him to leave my ovaries out of the game and to behave like a human being. I then watched the table go after him to knock him out of the tournament.
So avoiding mistakes and failings isn’t something everyone should strive for?
It’s allowed, but generally one should try to avoid it as best they can. And making the same mistake regularly, even when called on it, should not happen.
We all make mistakes and we all have our failings. No one denies that. Most of us hope that when we do make a mistake, it’s not too big of one, and we hope we can learn from the fallout and strive to better ourselves & not make the same mistake again, therefore overcoming one of the many failings we all have.
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Look, the problem is not that people get snippy. It’s that a subset of people get snippy at people who do not deserve to be snipped at, and that this subset feels that not only is it perfectly okay to do so, it will challenge anyone who says otherwise.
And boy howdy I’d love to hear some of these “sometimes women can’t control themselves” arguments in any other thread on this board.
Boy howdy, I’d love you to actually read what I said and not extrapolate. I said “people in pain.” Possibly it’s because I’m around people in pain all the time, but I have some insight into how easily they snap.
Jeebus. Whatever happened to confronting the snapping one with an assertive statement at a neutral (for both parties) time? Whatever happened to setting limits and discussing feelings?
How about some boundaries? 1. I can’t believe your wife is as psychotic as you hint at–if so, she (and you) should have sought treatment long ago, and 2. behavior, be it adult or child, that is allowed to continue tends to continue.
I find Ogre’s OP patronizing, righteous and whiney–he does not come off looking good. I find his talk of his wife here distasteful, but YMMV. I find the notion that the male of the species is somehow superior to the female when it comes to sucking up pain and continuing on to be laughable-and I speak with 20 years of dealing with men and women in pain of all sorts.
I am not endorsing bitchy behavior, but if one is driven to bitchiness, surely it in the home where it is best expressed?
Last question: why not give her that space for 3 or so days? No, don’t move out, but leave her be? You say you can’t–why not? You can’t dress/feed/care for yourself? You can’t be physically present, but leave her alone? Why not?
Are there kids involved? Why haven’t supportive measures been tried by you? Perhaps she is so bitchy because she is overwhelmed at home and then to have the added burden of having to maintain that level of activity while enduring her period is too much for her, and she lashes out. It’s a possiblity.
Last observation: in my experience, when something like this is so focussed on, it’s usually a red herring for some other issue that neither partner wants to confront. Just sayin’.
Ah yes, because if I only looked inward, I’d remember all those times I spent with broken bones and strep throat and bronchitis and violent diarrhea and the tip of my finger somewhere on the bottom of the deli slicer, all the while being pissy and bitchy and altogether and huge pain in the ass to be around.
Oh no wait, that wasn’t me, because I never do that because it’s a stupid fucking thing to do to your supposed loved ones. And if I did, I wouldn’t try to claim it’s my right to do so.
I used to work with a guy that was in a car accident. We were on our feet all day and by the end of the day he was in pain. The poor guy was putting his time in, needed to work and tended to snap.
I totally understood, even if he did snap at me. He was a great guy and he felt like crap. I liked him and sympathized and knew it wasn’t personal.
Talk to a nurse. They’ll tell you who sick patients take all of their vitrol out on - loved ones. What are you gonna do? It’s just human nature I suppose.
Ogre, can’t you get your wife to see a doctor if her PMS is out of control?
I have a sister like some of you are describing. She’s always been extremely moody and I never bought the PMS excuse, at least with her.
She went to a doctor and she’s like another person. It made such a difference that I think they had a party for her at work. For all the people that you think are using the PMS excuse, urge them to see a doctor.
Oh, that’s right. I keep forgetting. Everyone is exactly alike and responds the same way as you, as should be in an ordered universe. Thanks ever so for clearing that up.
No. Lots of people have swinging hormones. Men as well as women. Look, I’m sorry you don’t like what I’m saying, which is: Some people, regardless of gender, snap when in pain, be it physical or emotional. It is not always possible to control one’s self 100% of the time, 24/7. And if you are claiming that you do, then you’re either a machine or lying.
This is so ridiculous that it’s almost amusing. “Let’s blame the person getting attacked, cos, hell, it’s just human nature!” Yuh huh. Not to mention the strawman brigade ("…your wife’s out-of-control PMS. Tell her to get medical help!") Neither she nor I believe she needs medical help. She is not reduced to a whimpering mess. She is not homicidal or suicidal. Her PMS is not “out-of-control.” If it were “out-of-control,” we wouldn’t be talking about this. She gets snippy and irritable. That’s all, but it happens on a monthly basis, regardless of the fact that she knows it is coming, and knows what the onset feels like. This qualifies HER to take steps to head off either 1) the actual symptoms as best she can, or 2) attacking me for some tiny issue that wouldn’t normally bother her.
Uh, yeah. You see, this is a thread dedicated to the subject, so I took the opportunity to bitch about it. In the Pit. Where it is altogether appropriate to do so, whether over a minor irritation or a major, life-changing issue. This is one of the former, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t have the right to complain about it. It irritates me every time it happens, and I am completely justified in my feelings.
Seriously. What the hell is wrong with you people’s perspective?
I beleive that people shouldn’t be bitched at for shit that ain’t their fault. And that said bitching, when it does happen, should also not be their fault. What’s so hard to understand about this?
I’m neither. And no, I don’t really expect others to be able to do the same. I’ve actually been around humans myself, and I know they snap when they’re in pain. Does not make it right. What I do expect of others is to own up to their mistakes and failings (your words, which I’ll point out again) and attempt to not repeat them in the future. I also do that, and I don’t think that’s unreasonable to ask of everyone.
Then you are talking to the wrong people. The only people who can solve this problem are you and your wife. You need to tell HER your feelings, not bitch about them here, dragging in generalizations and lofty attitudes about women and pain. She needs to be called on her behavior. Apparently you are content to complain here, but not able to deal with the issue. Have at it. But in about 28 days, this problem will re-occur.
I’m sorry, could you please tell me where I said that was unreasonable? I said it happens, and it’s unreasonable to expect it to never happen. It’s also reasonable to have a bit of empathy and cut people some slack in certain circumstances.
When someone is a decent, caring otherwise normal human being who treats you with respect and consideration, but lashes out when in pain, it’s logical to assume it’s not a normal response and something is wrong. Agreed? It’s also logical to assume that, if you don’t like the way you’re being treated, you’re able to say so without escalating the situation. No? But you expect this person who is in pain to not to lash out, because that’s taking their pain out on you. You expect them to act rationally even though most of their concentration is focused on handling that pain. And yet, should they lash out, it’s perfectly acceptable for you to snap back? Because that’s what Ogre’s saying. Then again, he also said it’s possible to generalize from one specific and came back and said he wasn’t generalizing, so trusting what he says probably isn’t the brightest move.
So you don’t disagree it’s reasonable to expect others to own up to their mistakes and failings and attempt to not repeat them in the future? Simplke question.
Yes. And when someone is a decent, caring otherwise normal human being who treats you with respect and consideration, and you lash out at them because you were in pain that they had nothing to do with, it’s logical to assume you owe them an apology and an good faith effort to not do it again. Agreed?
More or less. If I’m being treated badly without reason, I leave. I’ll stay if my presence might help them escape their pain (food, water, tylenol, etc), but I’m not going to stick around for shits and giggles.
As I said above in one of several points you’re dodging, “no, I don’t really expect others to be able to [not snap when they’re in pain]. I’ve actually been around humans myself, and I know they snap when they’re in pain.” And, as I said in the next sentence, that does not make it right.
No, I don’t. But feel free to point out where I said anything of the sort.
And you’ll have to ask Ogre, who is not me, what Ogre, who is not me, means when Ogre, who is also not me, says something.
Yes. I never said otherwise. In fact, I believe I said pretty much the same thing, lost somewhere back in this trainwreck.
Yup. Never said they shouldn’t. In fact, my whole position was "there’s nothing wrong with saying ‘I’m sorry, I don’t feel well, could you please get back to me later?’ " Others felt that was unreasonable. That’s what I was responding to when you jumped in. But it appears you and I agree, and that’s totally reasonable. So I’m still not sure why you take issue with what I said, other than you thinking everyone should have the same level of self control.
That’s understandable, as well. I get paid to do it, you don’t. Why the hell would anyone stick around to get used as a pincushion if they didn’t have to? Unfortunately, being involved in a long term relationship sometimes means you have to.
I’m not dodging it. I’m confused as to what is leading you to believe I think it’s right. Or even ok. Again; I never said it’s ok, I never said anyone has that “right” (please see earlier in trainwreck where I have repeated most of this post word for word. Honestly, if you’re going to argue with me, at least read the entire thread so I don’t have to repeat myself). Just that it happens, and sometimes it’s forgiveable.
Hey. Projection seems to be working real good for you. I thought I’d turn it around, see how you liked it. How ya liking it? Tell you what. I’ll stop accusing you of things you haven’t said and didn’t mean if you’ll return the favor. Deal?
Okay, well, you used one of my responses to Ogre in your original post. I was addressing something he said, which I thought was bullshit. Since you took issue with my response to him, I figured you were defending his stance.
