The problem with that is, it’s the fallacy of composition if you extend it to women and men as groups.
If, for instance, you’re talking about how, in most cases, it is wrong for a strong person who is offered no real physical danger to beat the living daylights out of a weaker person, then that’s one thing. But I don’t see how gender has anything to do with that.
And although I think that’s certainly true in a lot of cases, there are some where it isn’t. If, for instance, you there was an 18 year old boy who weighed in at 98 pounds, and he was trying to kick your ass… would you have to just take it? Let’s say that all he could do was bruise you, but was hitting you over, and over, and over… do you just take it? Do you shove him? Do you hold him down? Do you maybe knock him out? Break his arm?
I’d wager we could have a grand ol’ time debating what to do in certain circumstances, and that reasonable people could reasonably disagree. I think that the limits and uses of violence are perfectly open to debate, and not always clear cut.
But whether someone has a Y chromosome or not doesn’t enter into the calculus. Or rather, it shouldn’t.
I have all of those things. As I recall, you expressed disappointment in yourself in both cases.
You said that there is never a reason for a man to hit a woman. I disagree. There are very rare cases where it is ok and those same very rare cases exist for anyone hitting anyone regardless of gender. True, if you took all of the men in the world and all of the women in the world, there would be fewer cases where the man could hit the woman as per Guin’s example.
Violence is fine to prevent an immediate threat to life and even to property. I don’t see how gender enters into it.
And did you see where I said this wasn’t necessarily MY view, just my observation, as to why people MIGHT view it as being worse? I don’t agree that that makes it okay.
Violence, except in cases of self-defense, or something along those lines, is NEVER okay.
Agreed. I had a girlfiend who was a world class athlete. One night when she was drunk she got pissed at me and kicked me in the nuts. Bang on the money. I am bigger and stronger than she is, and have some martial arts knowledge, so I got her in a bear hug until she calmed down, but busting her one across the chops was a clear option for me, and IMO justified.
At my university, you–not she–could be expelled for what you did. It’s called domestic abuse. Had she been the one to assault you, she could be expelled.
I’m going to jump in and say that I do think you can hit a woman in the same situations that you can hit a man. If I were starting a fight with you, or threatening you, and you couldn’t get away, or if I started to pound on you and you couldn’t manage to restrain me, you should go ahead and hit me to protect yourself. Women are not immune from being violent and starting shit, nor are we immune from the consequences.
That said: You do not get to hit someone for not wanting to fuck you anymore. Period. End of fucking story.Jaochai, you’re nothing more than an ill-mannered toddler who hits everyone around him when he doesn’t get what he wants. Grow the fuck up and learn to respect other people, or prepare to live a miserable life.
And stay the fuck away from Bangkok - those girls have it rough as it is, and they don’t need you, your violent temper, and your sense of entitlement to deal with. Asshole.
I overlooked something: “sex tourism” (prostitution) is illegal in Thailand. If you think you’re making a smart move by going there to hook up with a prostitute, you’re taking both legal and health risks. Yes, I know prostitution is common there. Also common is the cops deciding to enforce a law or two just for kicks and grins. Getting caught up in a prostitution raid isn’t my idea of a fun overseas holiday. If it’s yours, you need to find a new definition of fun.
Years ago, I got clocked across the forehead with a beer bottle by my then-girlfriend for supposedly “looking at another girl.”
As in, I was talking to a guy who was in the band my band was playing with that night, who was standing next to his girlfriend, and my sweetie ran across the bar and winged me just above my right eye with an empty Bud Light.
That was the only incident of physical violence ever in our relationship, but yeah, she had some issues.
I probably could have popped her, but I was too stunned to really do anything. When I gathered my wits, I pulled out a twenty, threw it on the floor, and said “Go get a fucking cab.”
A few years ago, a female Doper announced that she’d split up with her boyfriend, yadda yadda, oh and by the way, on the way out, she’d beat him up, and hugs would be much appreciated.
Compared to the reaction she got, Jaochaiis getting hugs.
I don’t think anybody oughta hit anybody, for the record. But just to get a sense of how things have changed, rent some old movies from the 40s - 50s like The Maltese Falcon sometime. You will be appalled and amazed at how romantic it apparently seemed to be to audiences then for a man to slap a woman, restrain her, etc. and then have her melt in his arms.
Like others have said, no one should ever physically abuse (on any level) any other person, only IF there is imminent possible serious damage on the horizon. I’m even a hard sell on personal defense. Then, I believe, simply if it’s life-threatening. Why on earth should it matter what the reasoning is in any case? That aspect is just totally irrelevant. Unless it makes (I suppose) a difference in a court of law. However, that’s a distinction only legitimately made by those in the legal profession.
Other than that, the OP sounded like a surreal Cliff notes version of a college-aged 9 1/2 Weeks. Were there any foodstuffs involved anywhere? And truly, anonymity certainly allows for lots of Springer-esque voyeurism. Bizarre.
Of course, I am divorced now, so it’s a lot easier.
I hit her four time, during our marriage.
I have no reasonable count of the number of times she was aggressive to me, mostly bites, pinches, scratches, a few hits. It was many more than four. But, when I hit her, she fell down. She bled twice.
Men can’t hit women. It isn’t right that it is worse for a man to hit a woman than for a woman to hit a man. But it is a fact. She hits you, maybe you have a red mark, which goes away within minutes. You hit her, she bleeds.
The very first time your wife, or lover uses the differentiation between the two sets of facts to bite, pinch, slap, or scratch you, tell her that if she ever does it again, it is the absolute end of the relationship, forever. Otherwise, intimacy will always be a subtle threat to you. Do not forgive it, not even the first one. And don’t do it yourself either. Love cannot live with fear.
[Sorry for the double post. I meant to amend this with my precursor but somehow I lost this bit in the spell check process.]
Also, I agree with WhyNot’s excellent suggestion of the, admittedly low-on-the rung of what’s even remotely necessary for a road to wellness, the idea that some time spent volunteering at a suicide hotline (or better yet, somehow in conjunction with a women’s shelter or advocacy) would vastly help you and importantly, others.
Have you done these types of things before? Apart from the hitting, whirlwind involvements, etc.? Hopefully, maturity will bring about some much needed discernment and overall enlightenment. That definitely aids us all.
Can men hit weaker men? what about really huge women, can they hit men? Hitting people is wrong, period. if you are in a situation were someone is going to get hit their gender doesn’t come into the equation, you better have a damn good reason for doing it. Yes, most men are stronger than most women and probably know how to throw a good punch a lot better than they do but that doesn’t matter one bit since HITTING ANYBODY IS WRONG and shouldn’t be done unless its in self defence or in the defence of others, in which case you probably want to do more damage so it doesn’t matter anyways.
And now I’ll state why they should defend themselves:
Phil Hartman.
Abused men have almost nowhere to turn, and no one to turn to. A very good friend of mine was recently shoved down a flight of stairs and stabbed by his soon-to-be ex-wife, and he never reported it.
He didn’t report it because he feard that he would be the one to be arrested. He didn’t hit her back, because he’s been ingrained with the bullshit notion that it’s wrong for a man to ever hit a woman. She pushed him down the stairs and stabbed him. That’s what happens when society says men can’t defend themselves.
It’s not a fact. The fact is that anyone has the right to use any amount of force necessary to stop another person from doing bodily harm to them.
Defense of self is absolute. It doesn’t waver for gender, color, age or anything else!
The attitude that it is not OK is why men like my friend are pushed down the stairs and stabbed, and why a man like Phil Hartman is gunned down by his wife, and a man who has an affair is run over repeatedly by his wife, and why the women who do these things (in the exception of Hartman’s case, as his wife offed herself after she killed him) are not condemned roundly. Instead the damn media tries to make us feel sorry for them. This attitude devalues the lives of men. It’s sexist and it’s wrong and it’s time for the idea that it’s OK for a woman to hit a man, and that she’ll get away with it because women can’t abuse men, to vanish from civilized society.
Erin Pizzey knew it years ago. Catch the fuck up already.
As for the OP… what he did was not in self-defense and therefore reprehensible. It’s really too bad he won’t face battery or assault charges.