You . . . dumb . . . COW!

The BBQ Pit
81

[QUOTE=faithfool]
Also, I agree with WhyNot’s excellent suggestion of the, admittedly low-on-the rung of what’s even remotely necessary for a road to wellness, the idea that some time spent volunteering at a suicide hotline (or better yet, somehow in conjunction with a women’s shelter or advocacy) would vastly help you and importantly, others.
[/QUOTE]

My first thought was also a women’s shelter, but if I was the director, I wouldn’t let this guy anywhere near my women. Plus, in many shelters, it’s just blanket policy that no men are allowed, volunteer or otherwise, for the mental and physical health of the women.

82

[QUOTE=catsix]
And now I’ll state why they should defend themselves:

Phil Hartman.

Abused men have almost nowhere to turn, and no one to turn to. A very good friend of mine was recently shoved down a flight of stairs and stabbed by his soon-to-be ex-wife, and he never reported it.

He didn’t report it because he feard that he would be the one to be arrested. He didn’t hit her back, because he’s been ingrained with the bullshit notion that it’s wrong for a man to ever hit a woman. She pushed him down the stairs and stabbed him. That’s what happens when society says men can’t defend themselves.

[/QUOTE]

Right, and did you read the part where I said that wasn’t necessarily MY view? It’s just the only remotely reasonable explanation I’ve ever heard as to why it’s somehow worse for a man to hit a woman.

Absolutely people should defend themselves, no matter what.

At the same time, however, the OP wasn’t defending himself, but being an abusive fuckstain.

83

Guys, please don’t turn this into The Guin and Cat show again…

84

[QUOTE=WhyNot]
My first thought was also a women’s shelter, but if I was the director, I wouldn’t let this guy anywhere near my women. Plus, in many shelters, it’s just blanket policy that no men are allowed, volunteer or otherwise, for the mental and physical health of the women.
[/QUOTE]

Duh me. You are correct and I should’ve focused more on the advocacy part, leaving out that ‘or’ entirely. You’d think I would’ve remembered (considering that I used to do some clerical volunteer work in one) to know better. :smack:

Thanks for the mental jog. :slight_smile:

85

[QUOTE=faithfool]
[Sorry for the double post. I meant to amend this with my precursor but somehow I lost this bit in the spell check process.]

Also, I agree with WhyNot’s excellent suggestion of the, admittedly low-on-the rung of what’s even remotely necessary for a road to wellness, the idea that some time spent volunteering at a suicide hotline (or better yet, somehow in conjunction with a women’s shelter or advocacy) would vastly help you and importantly, others.

Have you done these types of things before? Apart from the hitting, whirlwind involvements, etc.? Hopefully, maturity will bring about some much needed discernment and overall enlightenment. That definitely aids us all.
[/QUOTE]

No. Before this morning, I’d never raised a hand in violence against another person, not even to defend myself as a little kid.

We did talk it over recently over the computer, and she’s decided that we should just leave each other alone for now and try to get on with her lives. I offered to recompensate her however she wanted, and she declined. Surprisingly to me, the whacking was not a huge issue as much as my general emotional rollercoaster and lack of calm that I expressed at the news. I am apparently quite placid most of the time and it jarrs people when I get angry or emotional.

86

[QUOTE=Guinastasia]
Right, and did you read the part where I said that wasn’t necessarily MY view? It’s just the only remotely reasonable explanation I’ve ever heard as to why it’s somehow worse for a man to hit a woman.
[/QUOTE]

Yeah, you’ve said so three times. She was agreeing with you and expanding on the point.

87

[QUOTE=Jaochai]
So this is how it goes.

On Friday, I met a woman named Kara. We had an awkward date, but we had fun.

On Sunday, we met up again, saw a movie, and went from holding hands all the way to having sex. She started living in my room.

On Tuesday, however stupid it sounds, I realized I was in love with her. On Wednesday, she realized she was in love with me.

And this morning, she got out of bed at 3 AM to go see her old boyfriend, because he sent her an SMS saying that he was going to kill himself. They had sex, and she decided to leave me.

An hour ago, she finished moving her things out of my room, and we said goodbye.

And all I’ve been told so far is that it was stupid of me to give out my heart so freely.

Anyone have anything nice to say? Any comments? Any condemnations? I did hit her once after she told me she was leaving.
[/QUOTE]

Only that I had a very similar experience once, except that it did not involve me hitting her, nor any suicide threat from her ex, and we were previously acquainted before we started living together.

No, wait – actually, come to think of it, I had two very similar experiences . . . different details . . .

88

[QUOTE=Shai’tan]
I’m pretty sure Jaochai is the proud owner of a vagina.
[/QUOTE]

Y’know, there’s nothing in the OP or, as far as I can tell, any subsequent post that specifically rules this out, and since violent college lesbians are more interesting than violent college boys, that’s the image I’ll choose to take from this thread.

89

Let’s not make this even more of a train wreck, shall we?

90

[QUOTE=Shoshana]
Let’s not make this even more of a train wreck, shall we?
[/QUOTE]

Oh, but I must… nothing enhances a raging forest fire more than driving a gasoline truck into it.

Well, rolling a gasoline truck into it, since driving it would be a bit hazardous and rule out the opportunity for taking lots of nifty pictures.
Anyway, never mind.

91

[QUOTE=Jaochai]
No. Before this morning, I’d never raised a hand in violence against another person, not even to defend myself as a little kid.
[/QUOTE]

You know, I find this a little hard to believe. You see, you tossed it off so casually - “I *did * hit her once.” This thread and its first line are both referring to the woman as a dumb cow, and obviously it was her behavior rather than yours that was bothering you, and that you considered her the villain of the piece. Had this truly been a first time or had you felt that hitting a woman was a big deal, surely you wouldn’t have just mentioned the fact that you’d hit her in passing, a minor detail to the tragedy that had overtaken your love life.

For Pete’s sake, you slept with her for a couple of days, at which point she decided to get back with her former boyfriend after all. And this was hit-worthy?

I agree with those above who have recommended counselling. Seriously, you need it. There are situations in which I could understand, although not condone, hitting another person, even though they weren’t actually physically attacking you at the time. But this isn’t remotely close to any of them.

The guilt you claim you feel (and which I find somewhat suspect) is typical of many people who do something they know is wrong - we tend to have this bizarre belief that by feeling really bad, we’ve atoned in some way. And that’s rather convenient, because while feeling guilty doesn’t feel great, it takes a lot less effort than does something like trying to see that we never do anything like that again.

You need help. Get it. Apologizing and feeling guilty don’t cut it - they just give you a sense of absolution that you certainly don’t merit.

92

[QUOTE=catsix]
And now I’ll state why they should defend themselves:

Phil Hartman.

(snip)
[/QUOTE]

Please.

Is there any evidence that Phil Hartman was an abused man or a victim of domestic violence?

His wife killed him. His estate sued the makers of Zoloft, which his wife had been taking. His kids were awarded a settlement. Even his own brother acknowledged that that (plus booze) was what had caused her to kill Phil.

http://www.salon.com/health/feature/1999/07/19/zoloft/print.html

Not really the same situation as your friend.

93

  1. Nobody falls in love in four days. Grow up and understand ‘lust’ and ‘infatuation’ when they hit you.

  2. Nobody has any excuse to hit anyone. You have no right to hit someone who makes a choice you dislike. Grow up and understand the world is not about you.

I predict a career as the Very Best Buddy of a large man named Joe the Cutter as a guest of one of the nation’s concertina-enclosed facilities if you don’t get your head on straight.

94

I’d say being murdered by your wife counts as beint the victim of domestic violence.

There’s no evidence that my friend was abused up until the point where she stabbed him.

Does the absence of bruises and scars prior to that mean he wasn’t abused?

95

[QUOTE=Quiddity Glomfuster]
I predict a career as the Very Best Buddy of a large man named Joe the Cutter as a guest of one of the nation’s concertina-enclosed facilities if you don’t get your head on straight.
[/QUOTE]

Perhaps you’d care to rephrase this.

96

[QUOTE=Shai’tan]
Lets see if I’ve got the facts:

  • You fell in love in like two seconds
  • You decide to live together within days of meeting her
  • You slap someone when they “break your heart”

I’m pretty sure Jaochai is the proud owner of a vagina. And although I don’t condone violence against women… Slapping? I mean, really. If you’re going to lose control a real man goes Ike Turner, not Zsa Zsa Gabor.

::d&r::
[/QUOTE]

My grandfather is the very proud owner of a dick and the only time he hit grandma it was a slap.

He tried to make it two slaps, but she grabbed his forearm on its way back and stopped it cold. Not bad for an extremely pissed-off 5’0" woman facing a quite-but-not-as-much pissed-off 6’4" guy.

97

IMO, all the characters in this drama are emotionally immature and fucked up. You don’t threaten to commit suicide because your GF left you. You don’t move with someone else after 2 dates. You don’t hit your sex partner, unless you both agree that’s ok and contained within the act (I know nothing of s & m, so I guessing here).

You-be you male or female- don’t hit other people, period. You don’t hit children, teen, men, women, animals EXCEPT if said person or animal is attempting to seriously hurt you. In the case of a child attempting to do so-you do not hit, ever. You subdue, control, run away, get something between the two of you, call for help-something.

None of the people in the OP are ready to handle a relationship–too bad, because they all sound lonely and needy; it’s pathetic (and I mean that in a non-snarky way).

As for going to Thailand to pick up some “girls” for $75-that is disgusting. It will solve nothing for the OP, although some time in Thai prison might change his attitude a bit. How nice that some 9 year old Thai girl gets to “pleasure” this stellar example of manhood before us.

Never mind-the title of this, the attitude of the OP towards women is too nasty for me. I don’t believe in violence as a solution to problems, but right now would be a great time for someone twice this guy’s size to go up, belt him one and then say, “gee, I’m sorry. Forgive me?”

The fact that this woman, this “dumb cow” doesn’t seem upset about the slap leaves me speechless.

Maybe they deserve each other.

98

[QUOTE=eleanorigby]
As for going to Thailand to pick up some “girls” for $75-that is disgusting. It will solve nothing for the OP, although some time in Thai prison might change his attitude a bit. How nice that some 9 year old Thai girl gets to “pleasure” this stellar example of manhood before us.
[/QUOTE]

9 year old? Where the hell did you get that?

I’ve been to Thailand a few times and prostitution is everywhere but these are adult women that we are talking about. Adult prostitution may be technically illegal, I have no idea one way or the other, but it is so blatant and out in the open that there is no way that the law is enforced. I know that I got burned for giving the OP the benefit of the doubt once but I will assume that he meant that he would be seeing adult sex workers if he went there.

Child prostitution is very illegal there and is way underground. I saw zero evidence of it walking around in Bangkok or Phuket although you could probably find it if you were in the know. The sex tourists who are looking to bang kids is, I am sure, a very tiny minority.

99

[QUOTE=catsix]
Abused men have almost nowhere to turn, and no one to turn to. A very good friend of mine was recently shoved down a flight of stairs and stabbed by his soon-to-be ex-wife, and he never reported it.
[/QUOTE]
There are shelters for men who are the victims of domestic vioence, but they are few and far between. I imagine one would be hard pressed to find services to help battered men outside of large cities. (I’m only aware they exist because I know someone who was beaten up by his same-sex partner and needed to escape. But the service is available to straight men as well.)

That said, a man should be able to defend himself, but if he does, he better be damn sure he’s careful for the reasons Guinastasia stated. Aim to restrain, not to incapacitate. That might not happen though in the heat of battle.

I dumped a girl when I found out she had attacked her ex-boyfriend. She was never violent with me, but her body language had become threatening on one occasion too many (one night I thought she was going to hit me with a bottle when she said she wanted to “talk about her feelings.”) She attacked her ex-boyfriend two years after they had broken up, when she heard he was newly engaged. She hid on his porch and attacked him when he tried to leave his house.

Lucky for him, she couldn’t knock out a duckling if she swung her fist with all her might. Lucky for her, he realized it was a woman attacking him, so rather than hit back, he pinned her arms and shoved her off the porch, ran inside and called the police. To this day, she is remorseless, and is in fact furious with him because he “embarassed her” by calling the police. He did not press charges. IMHO, he would have been justified hitting back to defend himself, but despite the scenario, he likely would have found himself in handcuffs if he had. He should have pressed charges though.

As for the OP – you don’t ever hit anyone for hurting your feelings you cretinous boil of an asswipe!

100

Well, that’s a bit of ignorance fought. I had heard that the child sex trade in Thailand was popular. I apparently heard wrong, so thanks. However, I pity the adult prostitute who ends up with the OP, as well.