I have the power to designate one free food for you for the rest of your life. What’s it gonna be?
This food, once so designated by yours truly, has virtually zero calories. Zero sodium. In fact, zero of anything that is bad for you. What it does have is a mysterious ability to improve your overall health. I have built into it a safety mechanism that renders it impossible for this food to harm your body in any way, no matter how much you ingest.
But you get to choose just one food. And you may never change it.
But, you ask, what is considered a ‘food’? An apple? What about apple pie? Apple pie à la mode?
In general, you may choose a ‘combination’ food, but the ingredients to your combo do not carry over. In other words, you may select cheeseburgers. Fine. But that does not mean that any other cheese you eat contains my magic. Nor any other beef. Not even other forms of hamburger. Just cheeseburgers. Eat that sloppy Joe – even if it’s with a slice of cheese and on a bun – at your own peril.
And I will reject any cute attempts at circumventing my restrictions. You may not choose ‘fats’. You may not choose ‘dairy’. I would, however, allow ‘cheese’.
So what do you wish to indulge in for the rest of your years, guilt-free?
Yup, for me it would be either sushi or cheese. Of course, once I think about it, sushi is nearly the only meal I eat without cheese. And sushi isn’t bad for me.
Well… If Carvel ice cream is your choice, you couldbuy Patton Oswalt’s Black Cardthat gives the owner $25 in free Carvel ice cream every week for the rest of his life.
No one said you had to eat it all the time, just that when you eat it, it’s “free.” Hell, you can pick cheesecake, and never eat it for the rest of your life. I’m not sure what mine would be. I’m trying to think of the most fattening and unhealthy of my favorite foods. I am tempted to say cheeseburgers, but once I decide, **Mustard **won’t let me change it!
Pret a Manger’s lemon cheesecake. Not the way they do it now, in the little plastic pots, but in the cardboard jewel box. Oh maaaaan. That was in my Top Three Favourite Foods for years until they changed it. I once ate three in a week.
Tough call. My nominees would include steak (NY strip if we’re getting specific), blueclaw crab, and cheese. (My local Wegman’s has an incredible cheese selection and it would take ages to get through everything there.)
