I would spend it all on a gym, yes a whole gym built to train for Mt. Midoriyama.
You said no “massages for life” answers, but, like Shakes said, that still leaves two years of massages. Add the sauna before the massage and and occassional exfoliation.
Haircuts more often, and throw in just getting it washed and blown dry a few times. Get some really good walking and office shoes (diabetic feet). Hire someone to deliver healthy lunches to work for me.
Cover all the co-pays and deductables. Get the other knee replaced. (I think my portion of that, through physical therapy, is about $5-6k.)
Throw in some personal trainer time. I’m still not getting close, but I would not feel deprived. Oh, would pre-paying your funeral count? Just the prep and burial part?
That’s about as literal a “spend it on your body” as I can think of…
[quote=“carlb, post:40, topic:679338”]
[li]$50,000-ish to correct my pectus excavatum.[/li][/QUOTE]
Huh, I was gonna say exactly that. Mine’s not nearly as severe as the picture in the link, but I don’t like how it looks and I too believe that it makes exercise more difficult.
Lasik
A coach/personal trainer and a nutritionist/chef.
I’d have custom-fit running shoes made.
Purely cosmetically I guess laser hair removal around some nether parts. I’m not really bothered by my teeth, though they were straight at one time (thanks braces, sorry I didn’t wear my retainer!) and could probably use re-straightening if I had the extra cash.
I’m a lardass because I do a stressful job at a desk all day, but I get a fair bucketload of money to do it. For this reason, I’d need to eliminate my dependence on this job while creating an opportunity to earn an income I could live on. So:
- Pay off the house
- Buy a new minivan (to support current lifestyle as well as to facilitate the following)
- Restore & upgrade the house to marketable condition & sell it at a profit. (Remodeling is a
very physical job and between the exercise and lower stress my health & body would improve) - Use profits from sold house to move into and remodel a viable dump. That’s the business
model to replace my current job. - Use the balance of the $500,000 to pay bills while the business gets off the ground.
Really–the quality of my life is directly related to my physical & mental health. Is it cheating if that all ties in to a livelihood? I am proposing using the money to effect a massive lifestyle change that would ultimately improve the function and longevity of my body.
Dental implants to replace dentures
Surgery to remove horrible black growths on my face----I have forgotten what they are called so I say horrible black growths.
Whatever eye surgery is indicated.
New hips and knees
Libido restoration
Shave off a few years----fifty would do.
So it’s not a Hogwarts spell.
Can I buy a new bike? Bikes?
The road bike I want is about $17m, with the TT bike north of $20m.
If you’re questioning the price, it’s like saying should I take the Ferrari or the Lamborghini?
-Dental work
-Lasik eye surgery
-Hair removal
-Dietitian/cook
-personal trainer
-work out equipment
- if I could afford it I would love an inground pool and I have always dreamed of having a gym that looks like a big red barn on the outside but has finished wood floors for playing basketball, volleyball, badminton, floor hockey etc. Temperature controlled,of course.
I can’t imagine how I’d spend half a mil, and have no interest whatsoever in cosmetic surgery, even for free. I am a candidate for ankle fusion or replacement surgery down the line, but the procedures as they are now don’t thrill me and I’m not sure either would have enough lasting benefit to make the pain worth it. I’m holding out for regenerated cartilage, but that may take a while yet. So in the meantime:
-
Minor dental work to correct a small chip in a front tooth (it doesn’t bother me enough to spend my own money on it, though)
-
New orthotics and new glasses (which I will do one of these days anyway)
-
See a sleep specialist. Insomnia has been the bane of my existence for the past, oh, 10 years and can be a barrier to other healthy things I could do more of. It’s hard to make yourself go to the gym after a long day at work and 2 hours of commuting if you’ve had 4 hours of sleep.
-
I’d consider allergy shots, but I’d have to do some homework first on their effectiveness in my particular situation.
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As many massages as I could squeeze in the time for - ideally, someone who would do house calls
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I’d totally do a home gym if we actually had anywhere to put it - we have a condo, and I’m not willing to give up more living space for that. But I’d definitely replace the stationary bike we have that needs repairs right now with a higher-end one, or maybe replace with a seated elliptical. And maybe one of those rowing machines that folds up small enough to slide under a bed? If we had a house or even a basement with some available space, I’d totally do a mini-gym.
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Some sessions with a personal trainer and/or physical therapist to help me figure out more physical stuff I can do given my limitations due to aforementioned ankle situation. Maybe someone who would come to our place and give private adaptive yoga lessons?
– Food: I love to cook and spend a fair amount of time on it, but I’d spend more cash on things like fresh fish and organic stuff that can often be prohibitively expensive. Maybe someone to go buy fresh fish more often during the week, because there isn’t anywhere near home to buy the good stuff and I don’t want to run to the grocery store every day after work? Can I hire a sous-chef so I just get to do the fun parts? I wouldn’t mind chatting with a nutritionist, too, but it would have to be one with a fairly broad knowledge of world cuisines, because I like variety.
- Yeah, probably more haircuts, color the gray more often, the occasional pedicure or facial…
“OK, Mayo Clinic, gimme the full all-over inside-and-out: scan, resonate, poke, palpate, grab, squeeze, touch, look, listen, smell, scope, electrogram, inspect, inject, insert, take samples of and test for everything, and tell me what needs fixin’. On the side make a list of what nonessential things could be improved/enhanced with minimal risk(*).” Then, “OK, Doc, get 'em teeth to state-of-the art spec with an emphasis on tech proven to last (not something that will need redoing all over in less than 20 years)”. Then, “All right, let’s start a comprehensive nutrition/training program, equip accordingly AND leave written down a plan for how to carry on out on my own after the end of the two years”.
I can’t get back the body I had in January of 1986 but I can seek to mitigate as much of the damage as I can. If there’s any cash left I will consider skin/hair care to exhaust the remnant.
(*No LASIK: Phobic about messing with the eyes unless imperative to keep the lights on)
Whatever the best, safest means is of removing my belly fat and love handles. Then I’d donate the rest to some medical charity.
What charity would want your left-over belly fat and love handles? 
ETA: Oh, the left-over money.
Note to self: must work on reading comprehension.
Medical tourism!
I’d be off to Germany to see one of the top spine surgeons on the planet to see if it’s not too late to undo the still-healing spinal fusion I had in July and put in artificial discs like the on in my neck. I’d need two or three of them, and that’s currently impossible in the US, despite being common in Europe.
A gastric bypass without the usual insurance hassle would be nice as well.
A man after my own thought process.
Get a bit of cosmetic work done on the teeth,
See if I can prepay for the hip operation I’ll most likely need in 20 years
Come to an arrangement with a hooker or two
:smack: I always thought it was surgeons who did hip operations & hookers who did, ummm…other things.
Thanks for helping to fight the ignorance!
$500k. Hmm, that’d be about 28 pounds of gold. Maybe get a bunch of solid gold belly ab protectors implanted just under the skin.
Of course, I might get tired of those … sooner or later. Maybe sooner. Have them taken out and since you just can’t throw the gold away …
What part won you over - the haircut or the chocolate?? 
“Medical Tourism” sounds good to me too! I have no idea what Id spend half a mil on but Im sure they’d find something! OK this then: tib/fib implants to make me 6’ tall with long legs!
Too bad one of the stipulations is “cant give it away” cos otherwise Id donate it to “Smile Train”. Its a worthy charity that fixes cleft palates in kids.
Straighten and lighten my teeth.
LASIK my eyes if I could guarantee it worked correctly.
Dermatology to zap red marks and age spots on my face.
Weekly pedicures to keep away cracked heels.
Low-fat cook and liposuction and hopefully then I would need surgery to remove the excess skin. 